SAL Case Study: Felicia's Story: The Unabridged Version

From South Side to Six Figures

Felicia is an African American female in her mid-30s. She lives in a major U.S. city where she works as an operations engineer. Previously, she worked for a Fortune 100 Company, where she commanded a six-figure salary. She was not always so successful or fortunate.

Baby Felicia
in the early 1980s

Felicia’s life is dramatically different now than when she was growing up—and not because she got lucky or had everything going for her when she started off in life. Her life is different, and better, today because of her effective practice of Self-Action Leadership (SAL) over long periods of time. If she wanted to, she could have found plenty of disadvantages to complain about. Instead, she chose to be proactive and focus on what she could control. The results have been inspiring to say the least.

Felicia was born and raised on Chicago’s South Side, which infamously ranks among the most dangerous areas in the United States.

Felicia spent the first 18 years of her life in a small house with her parents and two siblings (an older sister and younger brother). She grew up in one of the worst neighborhoods in Chicago. Her first elementary school was located right in between two project buildings. Nevertheless, Felicia began exercising SAL at a young age, and her actions planted seeds of success that would eventually grow into educational successes.

Teenage Felicia in the 1990s.

She worked hard in school, and graduated from 8th grade as her school’s valedictorian. From there, she started applying to high schools. Because she had good grades, she was able to attend magnet or charter schools, and thereby avoid the rougher public high schools near her house (which, in her words, “were usually really bad high schools”).

Her grades and test scores eventually won her admittance to the prestigious Whitney M.Young High School, which, according to Felicia, “is the best public high school in Chicago.” In high school, she ran cross-country and track all four years. At age 15, she also began working at a variety of jobs, including at her dad’s restaurant, to earn her own money.

During her senior year she became interested in computer programming, and wrote a report on a piece of equipment used in World War II that piqued her interest in the military. She tried to get a full tuition scholarship through the ROTC program at Purdue University in Indiana. Though unsuccessful, her diligent efforts enabled her to procure a few smaller scholarships. At Purdue, she studied electrical engineering technology. With the exception of the few smaller scholarships she received, she paid for the rest of her schooling herself through student loans and by working a part-time job.

In the Navy.       

Before she was accepted into Purdue, Felicia set her sights high by considering applying to the prestigious Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), the California Institute of Technology (Cal-Tech), and Georgia Institute of Technology (Georgia Tech). She explains playfully that her top two priorities in picking a college were first, a quality engineering program, and second, “football.” According to Felicia, the second criterion eliminated MIT and Cal-Tech, so she applied to ACC and Big-10 icons Georgia Tech and Purdue.

At Purdue, she played rugby, worked at a cafeteria all four years, and graduated after four-and-a-half years with a degree in engineering. After receiving a commission in the U.S. Navy, she was posted to bases around the world, including the United Arab Emirates, Australia, Egypt, and Canada. She also spent time on naval ships in the Pacific and Indian oceans as well as the Mediterranean Sea.

At work for a Fortune 100 Company.

After serving her country, Felicia was hired to work for a Fortune 100 Company in a major U.S. metropolitan area. She also lived in Japan for two years as part of a job transfer. She presently lives and works in Austin, Texas.

Felicia attributes her success to working hard and staying focused as a student. Her academic performance empowered her to transcend the rougher schools of her neighborhood to earn a spot in the academically superior magnet schools. According to Felicia, “anyone can go to the magnet schools if they have good enough grades.” SAL empowered Felicia to earn the grades required to go to better schools.

While her middle school had a small Hispanic population, it was not until high school that Felicia was able experience a student body with a significant degree of diversity. Moreover, growing up on Chicago’s South Side gave her opportunities to witness the structural inequalities that existed between different schools and communities in the Chicago area.

"Chicago is very segregated. The South Side of Chicago is about 95% African American. When I was in middle school, I competed in a math game called “24.” This gave me an opportunity to see other schools. That is where I started seeing white students and other races, and in that interaction, I discovered that they had access to more and better resources. For example, they would have matching jerseys and clothes, and food that was provided by their school. You could also tell that they were more groomed than we were. We had practice, but that was all we had. There was no extra stuff.

"We had much better facilities at the magnet school, and parents were much more involved in their kids’ education. The main difference, however, between magnet school students and regular public school students isn’t a lack of intelligence, it’s a lack of focus and parental involvement. Other than that, there wasn’t a big difference in the demographics of the students at the magnet schools versus the regular public schools. There were a few students who you could tell weren’t from around the neighborhood, but most of us were local, and most of us were Black—just like at the regular public high schools."

Felicia did not having many close friends as a teenager, and attributes staying grounded to having a rich inner life.

"I pretty much kept to myself, and my family always made fun of me because I would talk to myself. Don't get me wrong; I was a very friendly person; I got along with people, I was never an outcast, but I just wasn’t into the typical teenage socializing scene—it just wasn’t for me. I’d talk to people and occasionally hang out, but I rarely went to parties. In fact, I can probably count on one hand how many parties I went to my entire life growing up."

Felicia attributes her unorthodox, intrapersonal social approach to helping her deal with adolescent temptations, and explains in detail the tremendous peer pressure faced by inner city youth in the African American community.

"Peer pressure is a big problem with inner city youth. Of course, it is likely a problem with all youth, but I think it’s more intense in the inner city because there is a lot of pressure to be “Black.” The Black stereotype is you don’t care about work, you don’t care about anything except clothes and the opposite sex, and these attitudes are perpetuated throughout the community, so if those things aren’t a high priority, people think there is something wrong with you. Worse still, if you don’t like those things you get talked about, and when I say talked about—I mean YOU GET TALKED ABOUT—you got reamed. You can’t talk about college, and you’re not supposed to like school. My peers would make fun of me for being smart, and they would call me “White girl” because I talked proper and I liked Seinfeld."

Felicia utilized SAL on many occasions to avoid growing angry or bitter at peers who would jab at her. And the more her peers sensed her inner confidence and sense of self, the more they left her alone.

"I didn’t get made fun of a lot because they could tell I wasn’t ashamed. My idea of what to do and what was right was mostly developed internally. I also wasn’t really involved with other people who were concerned with making sure I looked cute for the boys. I didn’t really hang out with people like that, which helped me avoid the peer pressure that so strongly pushed other people in my community to focus so much on clothing and image above education and inner security."

She also discovered that negative reinforcement doesn’t always come just from peer pressure. Sadly, parents can sometimes be part of the problem.

"One of the things I’ve seen hurt many people in the inner city is the pressure to not be successful. You would be surprised at how many parents will jab at their kids and say things like: “you’re never going to be anything, so why do you even try?” Tragically, that kind of stuff is said in a lot of households; there is a lot of negative reinforcement to not achieve goals. The aim is to maintain the status quo, which isn’t anything to brag about. My advice to everyone who faces that kind of pressure and negative reinforcement is to not let others bring you down. And believe me, they will try. Some people will even make it their goal in life to bring you down. Don’t let them do it!"

Developing inner security is an important element in SAL development. But where does it come from and how is it developed? Felicia’s actions give us a clue. To compensate for the lack of meaningful relationships with her peers, Felicia developed a friendship with herself. Stephen R. Covey corroborates the importance of self-worth:

"Intrinsic security … doesn’t come from what other people think of us or how they treat us. It doesn’t come from the scripts they’ve handed us. It doesn’t come from our circumstance or our position. It comes from within. It comes from accurate paradigms and correct principles deep in our own mind and heart. It comes from inside-out congruence, from living a life of integrity in which our daily habits reflect our deepest values." [1]

In Felicia’s own words:

"When you’re a kid, you want to play, so you seek other people to play with, and that’s how you develop friends, but when I wanted to play, I would just play with myself. I didn’t look to other people as much because I had myself. I realized over time that I didn’t really care much if other people thought I was cool or not. I discovered that I was perfectly okay with being alone, and that I am capable of being happy without doing things that other people say I should do." 

Humor can also be a valuable asset in SAL development. President George W. Bush has written, “I often use humor to defuse tension.” [2] Victor Frankl put it this way: “the attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.” [3] Felicia used humor as a defense mechanism for bearing up under the scathing salvos of sophomoric peers.

"Rather than get angry or upset, I would just laugh at their mocking comments. It never really upset me because the things they would make fun of me for (e.g. being smart) didn’t bother me. I liked the fact that I was smart, so when people would call me names, I’d just smile about it and carry about my business."

Felicia doesn’t consider herself to be “religious,” but spirituality does play important role in her life. Moreover, as a self-action leader, she strives for self-awareness, and seeks to be in tune with her conscience.

"I’m not religious, but I am spiritual. You might say that my God is the same thing as my conscience. I can feel in my heart the difference between right and wrong, and I try to follow that inner compass. I also feel that I have a high level of self-awareness, so I know when I do wrong things, but I know when I do the right things; and I also know when I’m achieving things that make me happy. I know when I’m being myself, so that self-awareness keeps me from being taken into peer pressure because I know I don’t want to do things just to please other people or look good in their eyes. I really don’t care what someone I don’t want in my life happens to think about me. I also question things before I act. I conduct an immediate kind of subconscious evaluation of what I’m doing."

Growing up on Chicago’s South Side gave Felicia opportunities to understand the realities of structural inequality that often marked her communities when compared to more affluent communities in the north. As she got older, she became increasingly aware of the cultural segregation that exists in the Chicago metropolitan area.

"The first time I remember really noticing it was on the trains. The Red Line and the Green Line run to the South Side of Chicago, but the Brown Line doesn’t even come near the South Side; it runs pretty much from Downtown to the northern suburbs. So I always rode the Red and Green Line trains. One day, by mistake, I ended up on one of the Brown Line trains. It felt like I was in another world because it was brand new and impeccably clean. The Red and Green Line trains are filthy. They smell like pee, the seats are torn up, and graffiti is everywhere. But the Brown Line train looked and felt like the first class train. As I looked around, the metal was shiny—like chrome—and I just figured it must be a new train. Later on, I found out that this was how all the Brown Line trains were because the Brown Line went to the North side, where the White people live, and where the money is. It was definitely the White Train. Chicago is unofficially segregated. I can tell you what area you are in based on who gets off at which stop."

Felicia’s positive SAL worldview empowered her to invest energy on things she could control, rather than on things she could not. Instead of feeling victimized for whatever structural inequalities impeded her world, she confidently and courageously exercised her freedom to choose. As a result, she was able to rise above her circumstances to become very successful.

A natural self-action leader, Felicia is always seeking out insights about the way things really are in the world in an effort to reject victimization to become all she is capable of becoming.

"My friend and I were talking the other day and he made an interesting observation. He said that unsuccessful people tend to see freedom as being freedom from something. For example, some Black people view freedom as being primarily from slavery, an attitude that adversely affects them 150 years after slavery was abolished. Successful people, however, tend to view freedom as being for something, or freedom to do something. People often refer to freedom as being all about having less restrictions, so this person or this thing is no longer holding me down. But that really isn’t what freedom is about. Freedom isn’t about having less restrictions, it is about focusing my energy on what I can do, what I can accomplish, and what I can become. We are talking about two totally different outlooks on life, and there is a big difference between the two in terms of the personal results you are likely to get."

Felicia’s conversation with her friend was more than just a friendly exchange of simplistic ideas; it was the reaffirmation of powerful concepts iterated and affirmed by others, some of which have been published. For example, listen to the words of Haddon Klingberg, Jr., and Stephen R. Covey, respectively.

"Spirituality is in its essence self-transcendence, it brings with it human freedom. But it is not freedom from as much as freedom to. We are not free from our biological nature, whether instinctual drives, genetic legacies, or the functions and malfunctions of our brains and bodies. Nor are we free from the grasp of social, developmental, and environmental influences. But we are free to take a stand toward these, even against them. We are free to do what we will with the cards we are dealt, to choose what response we will make to fateful events, to decide what cause or persons will receive our devotion. And this freedom to carries an obligation to." [4]

Even if you live in horrible circumstances, it is in those circumstances that you will find your call to choose your own response. It is then that “life calls out to us” to serve those around us whose needs we become aware of; it is in so doing that we find our true “voice” in life. [5]

Passionate about her freedom to grow and succeed, Felicia has achieved much in her young life to date. How did she do it? One SAL strategy she has utilized involves mentally turning negative experiences into positive learning opportunities.

"I have been able to view almost all of the negative things I’ve experienced as an opportunity to grow. For instance, when I’ve met someone that I didn’t really like, someone who was a total ass hole, I think, “well, you know, he’s not a great guy, but now I’ve learned about him, and I’ve gained experience how to deal with that kind of person. Next time I meet someone like that I’ll be prepared.” Experiences make up life, and you can either make them ruin your life or help your life, so I just allow them all to help me in some way."

Although a big fan of “just walking away” from peer pressure, Felicia understood that on Chicago’s South side, it isn’t always that simple for everyone.

"In some cases, if you just walk away like I did, they’ll hurt you. Take gangs for instance. If someone proposes an opportunity for you to join a gang and you say “no,” you could be badly beaten or even killed. It can be difficult to walk away, but the good news is that you can claim a lot of personal power if you demonstrate belief and confidence in yourself. I credit my belief and confidence in myself with repelling those who might have otherwise pushed too hard. If those people had at least tried to get me caught up in the wrong things—especially when I was younger—I probably would have said “yes” to do whatever, but as I grew older and more confident, the way I felt about myself seemed to turn them off, and they ended up just leaving me alone. It sent the message to them that I wasn’t weak enough to infiltrate or trick."

Her statement about gangs roused my curiosity, so I asked her if she was ever approached to join a gang. Her response:

"The gangs weren’t that big with girls, but for me, they knew I was different, so gang members’ interest in having me around wasn’t that high. You know, I really can’t describe it, because it’s not like I was an outcast. I still hung out with some people who were either affiliated with gangs or in gangs themselves, but I just wasn’t that close to them, you know. We’d hang out at the park; we’d talk. For example, when I was 14, I technically had an 18-year old boyfriend, yet this boy never tried to do anything with me—never. And it wasn’t because I was literally saying no. He was definitely not a virgin, but he just seemed to sense something about me that communicated to him that I’m not that kind of person."

Felicia with her two kids.

To better confront the many challenges faced by inner city residents, Felicia believes leaders should focus on education initiatives, including after-school activities, which give young people something to focus on after school, which is the time of day when many students get themselves into the most trouble.

"In the schools, we need an increase in the availability and advertisement of after-school activities. Being on the track team is probably something that kept me out of a lot of trouble. I think they should start such opportunities in elementary school. That way, your children are in school; they go to the activity; they come home; and they go to sleep. They have no time to get in trouble. They have no time to be negatively influenced."

Felicia is a tremendous inspiration to me, and others who know her. She is one of the most pleasant and cheerful people I’ve ever met. She also has a remarkable force of character and sense of self. Her capacity for, and dedication to, self-action leadership has empowered her to achieve many impressive accomplishments. I greatly admire who she has become because of it. I hope that many people in the United States and throughout the world will likewise be inspired by her remarkable story and personal example.


Next Blog Post: Friday, February 20, 2015 ~ The Difficulty of Existential Growth

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[1] Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. New York, NY: Fireside. Page 298.
[2] Bush, G.W. (2010). Decision Points. Crown: New York, NY. Page 35.
[3] Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's Search for Meaning. Boston, MA: Beacon Press. Page 44.
[4] From Haddon Klingberg Jr.’s biography of Viktor and Elly Frankl: When Life Calls Out to Us, quoted in Covey, S. R. (2004). The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness. New York, NY: Free Press. Page 315.
[5] Covey, S. R. (2004). The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness. New York, NY: Free Press. Page 315.