Dr. JJ's Rule #1: SELF CHANGE

Last week, and in the spirit of Thomas Jefferson's 10 Rules for Life, I introduced My Own 13 Rules for Living.

Today's blog is the beginning of a 13-week series aimed at further animating these rules in an effort to enliven YOUR OWN brainstorming processes as YOU seek to create your personal rules for living.

This week's blog post addresses Dr. JJ's RULE #1, which states:

The solutions to most of my problems lie inside, not outside of my world. If I wish to change the world, then I must be willing to acknowledge my personal shortcomings and errors and go to work to change myself.*

We live in a world where virtually everything bad or negative is postured as being the fault of someone or something else. No matter the subject or issue, if something arises that is undesirable, unfair, or even inconvenient, it seems that most people are typically quick to point a finger of external blame towards someone or something else.

In other words, nothing is ever one's own fault; everything is always someone or something else's fault. 

In this irresponsible environment and culture, one's own pride, arrogance, ignorance, error, shortsightedness, thoughtlessness, irresponsibility, or flat-out stupidity is never to blame. It's always somebody else's fault and problem. 

Speaking of stupidity...

Years ago, my wife shared with me a quote she had seen on social media that made me laugh out loud. 

The quote read: 

Things always happen for a reason, but sometimes that reason is because you are stupid and make bad decisions.

I laughed out loud partly because this statement is often so true; I know because I've been guilty of my own share of stupidity throughout my life. I also laughed out loud because it is so uncommon to hear something that so clearly and transparently articulates the way things really are in our confused, troubled, and responsibility-free world. In a culture where intelligence and sophistication are often equated not with taking personal responsibility, but rather with a person's capacity to cleverly rationalize, justify, demonize, and otherwise pass the buck of authentic responsibility away from where it belongs (with YOU) to someone or something else, a statement of such obvious clarity and verity did indeed make me laugh out loud!  

As self-action leaders, we can only control
our own thoughts, speech, and behavior

Sometimes fault may legitimately lie with someone or something else. But even in such cases, the fact remains that there is only ONE person or thing that you can ultimately control—and that is YOUR OWN SELF. This includes your thoughts, speech, and behavior. 

Knowing that SELF-CONTROL is the only real control that anyone ever fully possesses, self-action leaders recognize that they must spend most of their time and energy focusing on what they can do to make a situation better—on how they can Be the Change they'd like to see in the world (Gandhi)—rather than focusing incessantly on how they can blame, shame, and call other people names for their behavior.

It typically is (and probably should be) a cultural faux pas to tell someone else that they are stupid and made a bad decision. It is usually more effective if you can communicate compassionately and constructively in ways that will help individuals come to that vital conclusion on their own. In other words, I don't ever tell other people that they are stupid. Even if it were verifiably true, doing so would be rude, unkind, and most likely unhelpful. However, I have told myself that I am stupid on many occasions, and I am usually right in said self-assessments. Moreover, assuming I apply self-compassion to the mix, said assessments are often quite helpful in aiding my personal growth and change.  

A fundamental GOAL of Self-Action Leadership is to diligently and consistently practice the kind of deep introspection and self-honesty that will lead to self-awareness and personal change. Doing that can be hard and painful work; but it is absolutely indispensable to achieving authentic personal or professional growth and change.  

As far as I myself am concerned, if I am wrong, then I am wrong, and I need to go to work to get things right. If my thoughts, speech, or actions are stupid, or neglectful, or irresponsible, or any other negative adjective, then I need to take  COMPLETE  PERSONAL  RESPONSIBILITY  to do whatever lies in my power to remedy the situation. And if you have any interest in Self-Action Leadership, long-term FREEDOM, or Existential Growth, YOU need to do likewise.  

It's that simple; and it's also that difficult.

It's simple because it's the only way to maximize positive and product results and emotions. And it's difficult because it takes a LOT of time and effort to realize authentic solutions to real problems.

Dr. Stephen R. Covey incisively taught that being responsible means that a person is "ABLE" to choose one's own "RESPONSE" (response - able). Sadly, we live in a world where irresponsibility is thriving; but it doesn't have to be that way—at least not in your own, individual life, career, and world.  

In what ways are you currently being irresponsible, unwise, unkind, unfair, unethical, or even STUPID in your education, career, relationships, or life?

Do you like what and who you see when you look
in the mirror?  If not, what are you doing to
authentically improve that image, speaking
figuratively and not literally or cosmetically?

What can you do RIGHT NOW to start taking an honest look at yourself in the mirror and then going to work to change? 

Whatever that action is will serve as the very essence of Self-Action Leadership in your life. I invite, encourage, and cheer you on to get busy TODAY to move onward and upward in your life towards greater levels of personal and professional FREEDOM and EXISTENTIAL GROWTH.

I am where I am today in large part because I was (and am) willing to be honest with myself when I catch myself being irresponsible, unwise, unkind, unfair, or even STUPID. And you will get to where you most want to be by doing the same thing.

The rewards of exercising such personal courage are deep and rich. 

So... what are you waiting for?   

NOTE: This article is the 3rd in a series of 22 articles on the subject of LIFE RULES.

Click HERE to access quick links to the other 21 articles.   

-Dr. JJ

September 15, 2021

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 230th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013. 

Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 229 FF Blog Articles.  

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