Dr. JJ's Rule #5: Never Insult or Contend

In a previous article, JJ's 13 Rules for Living were shared. This week's blog post addresses Dr. JJ's RULE #5, which states:

Never insult or contend.  Focus instead on facts, positive elements of a situation or circumstance, and common beliefs in a never-ending effort to teach true principles and lift others to see broader vistas and obtain firmer footholds along life's continually treacherous physical and metaphysical journeys.

From 1999 to 2001, I served a full-time proselytizing mission for my Church. As a boy and young man, I had been unusually studious and dedicated in my reading and study of the scriptures. As a result, one of my biggest strengths as a missionary was my doctrinal acumen and familiarity with Holy Writ.

This was a great strength.

Unfortunately, however, I too often used my knowledge of and experience with the scriptures to engage in conduct that was argumentative and unnecessarily defensive. We missionaries referred to such conduct as: "Bible Bashing." Such a term is self-descriptive and requires no additional explanation.

Guess where Bible Bashing got me?

          You guessed it...

                    Nowhere! 

In fact, Bible Bashing always did more harm than good. As a very passionate missionary with a somewhat mercurial disposition and hot-tempered personality, I naïvely believed at the time that my actions were necessary to defend my beliefs and stand up for what I thought was right. 

But I was wrong. 

Bible bashing never won me any friends, much less converts. Nor did it influence others in positive or productive ways. It was ultimately an ego-centric behavior that was motivated as much by my own selfish whims as it was a sincere desire to help other people discover and learn.

In hindsight, I never left a "Bible-Bashing" session with good feelings in my heart, and I certainly didn't leave any warm fuzzies with those with whom I had "bashed." Regardless how many metaphorical "punches" I may have landed on others, oratorically bloodying my "opponents" whom I was supposed to view as my "brothers" and "sisters" entirely missed the purpose of my calling as a missionary. I was sent out into the mission field to love, teach, serve, and spread peace; not debate, argue, contend, and wage verbal war. 

Over the years, experience and introspection has motivated me to soften my approach considerably—to my benefit and the blessing of others as well. Twenty years after returning from my mission, I have finally gotten to the point where I rarely raise my voice over issues of religion, politics, or other controversial subjects. I say rarely because I'm still not perfect in this regard; but thanks to Rule #5, I've come a LONG way!

It has been my experience that intelligent, experienced, savvy, secure, and confident self-action leaders simply don't raise their voices except in the case of a legitimate emergency or other unusual circumstance. They are always in control of themselves, and they avoid petty salvos that insult and contend.

They simply don't engage opportunities to insult or contend with others. 

At the same time, self-action leaders do not shy away from calmly, assertively, and confidently stating true facts and/or their own sincerely held positions. But instead of arguing and contending, they focus on facts, positive elements of a situation or circumstance, and common beliefs in a never-ending effort to teach true principles and lift others.    

Because they are so secure and confident, self-action leaders are unflappable in the face of being insulted themselves. In fact, being insulted not only doesn't bother them, it amuses them! And because they genuinely care about others—including their adversaries—they strive to lift, build, and nurture everyone with whom they contact or associate.

Do you, like me, have an inherent weakness to insult or contend with others? If so, I invite you to join me in my own lifelong quest to avoid contention and control your temper by learning to "School Your Feelings" and otherwise embrace SELF-DISCIPLINE.  

School they feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother
But let wisdom's voice control.

— Charles W. Penrose

NOTE: This article is the 7th in a series of 22 articles on the subject of LIFE RULES.

Click HERE to access quick links to the other 21 articles.   

-Dr. JJ

October 27, 2021

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 236th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013. 

Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 235 FF Blog Articles.  

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