Chapter 10
10 Shackles of Personal Freedom
Before we highlight the IDEALS promoted in the SAL Theory and Model, it bears identifying their opposites, which conversely lead to personal anxiety, misery, bondage, and the atrophy of character, capacity, and integrity. Contrasting the two polarities serves to galvanize, gild, and further illuminate the golden nature of goodness, rightness, and truth—and the IDEALS that burnish them.
To strike this contrast, this chapter identifies 10 negative behavioral actions or habits (shackles), which, if embraced, will enslave you personally and professionally over time. Such habits will wreak further havoc on your relationships, family, community, organization, state, and nation.
These "Ten (10) Shackles of Freedom" listed in no particular order are:
1. Abdication of Personal Responsibility
2. Selfishness
4. Greed
5. Arrogance
6. Dishonesty
7. Substance Abuse and Addiction
8. Irresponsible Use of Sex
9. Abuse and Neglect of Loved Ones
10. Devaluation of, and Disregard for, Human Life
SHACKLE 1: Abdication of Personal Responsibility
In speaking of personal responsibility, I refer to two specific things. First, the ability the control your own natural, human impulses. Responsible people respond consciously and strategically to what happens to them rather than merely reacting based on natural impulse, mood, or circumstance.
In his groundbreaking book on emotional intelligence, Daniel Goleman wrote:
"Those who are at the mercy of impulse—who lack self-control—suffer a moral deficiency: The ability to control impulse is the base of will and character ... and if there are two moral stances that our times call for, they are ... self-restraint and compassion." (1)
Second, personal responsibility includes certain Existential Duties we hold to ourselves, other individuals, and groups to which we may belong, participate in, or support (e.g. family, neighborhood, community, church, club, school, state, nation, and even the world-at-large).
Existential Duties are defined as: Responsibilities you have—by virtue of your existence—to contribute to the health, well-being, growth, and freedom of other human beings (including yourself) and other life forms (including the planet-at-large).
EXISTENTIAL DUTIES
Responsibilities you have—by virtue of your existence—to contribute to the health, well-being, growth, and freedom of other human beings (including yourself), other life forms, and the planet-at-large.
We all have duties.
From a toddler who has a duty to become potty-trained, to a middle schooler obliged to complete one's homework; and from a parent responsible for one's spouse and/or one's children, to the leader of a nation who is oath-bound to "preserve, protect, and defend" the ideals and statutes of one's country—we are all duty-bound to perform certain actions throughout our careers and/or lives.
Failing to do your duty is irresponsible.
When enough people abdicate their personal or professional duties, the cumulative effects on both individuals and the collective can be disastrous. Potential consequences include ignorance, wasted opportunities, pervasive dishonesty, a dysfunctional legal system, shattered relationships, fragmented families, anger, hostility, bullying, crime, class warfare, identity politics, drug abuse, sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, gratuitous abortions, etc.
A detailed presentation of the statistics surrounding irresponsibility and the shirking of personal duties is beyond the scope of this Life Leadership textbook. Suffice it to say, an exceedingly long list could readily be compiled with statistical indicators of the widespread negative results of personal and organizational irresponsibility.
Taking personal responsibility doesn't begin with choosing a college major, career, or marriage partner; nor does it start out with decisions to commit grand larceny, physical assault, rape, murder, or suicide.
It begins with small decisions like choosing to throw your trash in its proper receptacle, getting out of bed in the morning at a pre-appointed time, completing your school or work assignments effectively and on-time, and punctually paying your bills. It also includes making conscious rather than capricious choices about the media you consume, the people with whom you associate, and the extent to which you are willing to delay gratification in a variety of life arenas.
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY begins with the small stuff!
If you fail to take responsibility for the small things in life, it is only a matter of time before they evolve into BIG STUFF.
SAL MANTRA
Personal Responsibility Begins with the Small Stuff.
In decades past, and especially prior to the 2000s, New York City had an enormous crime problem. Crime was particularly troublesome in the city's subway system. Murder, rape, robbery, assault, battery, and other serious crimes ran rampant throughout the city and its subways. Some crimes were even being committed in broad daylight on city streets.
Things started to change after city leaders implemented a zero-tolerance policy for relatively small crimes—like graffiti, vandalism, jumping subway turnstiles, and jaywalking.
To some, and perhaps many, it seemed silly to apprehend such relatively minor offenses in light of far worse crimes being concurrently committed throughout the city.
Former New York City Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, one of the leaders behind the city's stricter law enforcement policies promoted a philosophy that turned a mantra—Don't Sweat the Small Stuff—completely on its head by advocating a maxim proclaiming the exact opposite: Always Sweat the Small Stuff! (3)
The lesson contained in these successful urban crime-battling strategies is compelling: If you take care of the small things, the big things will usually take care of themselves.
SAL MANTRA
A Simple Way to Start
One of the simplest "small things" we can do to exercise personal responsibility is to not litter. At Freedom Focused, we despise litter. We don't like seeing it anywhere, anytime. I personally make a concerted effort to avoid littering myself, and will sometimes go out of my way to chase down a piece of trash the wind has infelicitously wafted beyond my reach. As my wife and kids will attest, I can even get a little bit obsessive about my dislike for littering. But, at the end of the day, we all enjoy living in a clean home that sits on a tidy yard in an orderly and attractive neighborhood, so they are willing to put up with my occasional chase after a stray piece of litter.
Many years ago, my wife and I lived in an apartment complex in a neighborhood on the west side of Houston, Texas. At the beginning of a new school year, the bus stop outside our apartment became noticeably more littered than it had been during the summer. Without fail, by 8:30 in the morning on school days, a dozen or more pieces of trash would be strewn about the bus stop. Having a McDonald's across the street from the bus stop made it even easier for students to accumulate and then carelessly discard their trash whenever and wherever they pleased in the bus stop's vicinity.
The sidewalk surrounding the bus stop was also noticeably dirtier than other sidewalks in the area. For example, it was dotted with numerous black pieces of mashed-in chewing gum and large liquid stains from careless citizens who failed to distinguish the difference between the sidewalk and a trash can, even though a garbage receptacle was conveniently located within 10 feet or so of the bus stop.
As a concerned citizen, I thought about what I might do to remedy this annoying situation. First, one afternoon while I was driving by the bus stop, I looked out and saw the students waiting for the bus and the usual array of trash surrounding them. As I drove by, I rolled down my window and called out to the students to put their trash in the garbage can.
Without the benefit of a relationship as a parent, teacher, mentor, or friend, I—a random, stuffy adult offering a drive-by lecture—had no moral authority, much less formal authority, with the students and my meager effort predictably did not produce any results.
Not surprisingly, within a week-or-two, both signs had been removed, and the littering problem persisted as perturbingly as ever. If anything, it seemed to only get worse.
I am convinced that the only authentic solution to the problem would have been to actually go to the bus stop on a daily basis, invest the time and effort to develop a relationship of trust over time with the students, and continually encourage them to not litter—and then pick up the trash myself if they refused to comply with my requests (lead by example). In other words, I would have had to play a role akin to that of a parent, teacher, mentor, or role model to these students—and persist in my efforts until I eventually got the results I sought.
Seeing as though I had my own family to raise and my own job to attend to, it was not realistic to pursue this idealistic approach. I therefore decided to direct my time and energy into a sharpened focus on writing this Life Leadership textbook in hopes that parents, teachers, and students around the world might be encouraged to avoid littering, teach and mentor others to avoid littering, and to comprehend why littering is a problem that can lead to even more serious issues down the road if not properly addressed.
Perhaps you are thinking to yourself: "With all the far more serious problems in the world, why in the world is Dr. JJ up on his soapbox about high school students littering?"
Littering may sound like an extremely minor and inconsequential offense in this day and age of so many deeper social problem and cultural ills. How can tossing one's McDonald's cup on the ground compare with larceny, abuse, alcoholism and drug addiction, assault, battery, rape, and murder?
The answer to this question is that it's not about the comparison. The answer to this question is found in yet another question, as follows: "How many hardened criminals got their start in crime by tossing their McDonald's cup out their window instead of placing it in the trashcan where it belongs?"
BIG things almost always begin as small things.
That's just the way things are!
Moreover, as the New York City subway miracle demonstrated, addressing the little problems is usually a key component and variable in troubleshooting much bigger problems.
Anyone who is serious about producing real changes in neighborhoods and communities throughout one's nation and world would be wise to start with the small stuff. And there is perhaps no smaller (or easier) place to begin than to take a bite out of your local littering problem.
If you are a smoker, it is an especially easy place to start because you often have a cigarette butt in between your fingers while you are driving, which means you often have a decision to make regarding what you will do with your cigarette butt when you are done smoking it. I hereby call upon smokers everywhere to STOP littering our beautiful world with cigarette butts.
I'm not even going to ask you to quit smoking—although doing so would be an excellent SAL goal in the long-run. But that's a bigger issue that can be dealt with after you have first mastered the much smaller and far easier task of simply placing your cigarette butts in an ashtray instead of carelessly tossing it out of your window for everyone else to see, drive on, walk/job/bicycle over, or confront a potential fire hazard.
I personally have a life habit and practice of picking up at least ONE piece of trash every single day. On many days I pick up multiple pieces of trash. And on some days I pick up dozens or even hundreds of pieces of trash (usually during a service project).
Those who abdicate their duty harm the world and mar life's beauty
SHACKLE 2: Selfishness
Selfishness is one of mankind's most perpetual, perennial, and pervasive struggles. It is the hen under which the other nine (9) bad eggs (shackles) are hatched. Do away with selfishness and you simultaneously liberate yourself from the other nine (9) shackles. The cessation of selfishness and narcissism is the beginning of service and personal freedom. It is the key to building quality relationships and making meaningful contributions to your family, community, state, nation, and world.
In the long-run, selfishness is a sure recipe for failure, misery, and despair. Conversely, selflessness is the root of all long-term happiness, success, fulfillment, and inner peace. That is why the greatest men and women throughout the history of this world have been those who served the best, loved the greatest, and contributed the most to others.
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| Service is a great antidote to selfishness |
—Jim Rohn
Selfishness is both an innate and learned behavior. We naturally enter this world on the lookout for our own survival, comfort, interests, and pursuits. To an extent, this is a good thing because it promotes self-preservation and potentially self-reliance. But if we are not careful, this inherently positive trait can quickly become imbalanced to the grave detriment of ourselves and others.
As human beings, we often deal with additional genetic impulses and mimetic tendencies that drive selfish behaviors. Selfishness is perhaps the single most damaging and damning human flaw. It often starts small, only to metastasize into larger issues over time. When selfishness goes unchecked, life becomes truly "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short." (5)
EXISTENTIAL DUTY
—Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
SHACKLE 3: The Quest to Obtain Something for Nothing
In his second inaugural address, President Abraham Lincoln eloquently articulated the evils of slavery by describing it as a systematic process of "wringing bread from the sweat of other men's faces." Thankfully, slavery has been illegal in most countries for a century or more. Unfortunately, millions of people around the globe are still victims of various forms of modern slavery.
In actuality, there is no such thing as getting something for nothing. Whenever one person (or group) gets a product or service for free, another person (or group) has to work to produce, procure, or buy it for them.
That's just the way things are!
Remember Universal Laws? Well, turns out they are absolutely irrevocable and therefore demand a price for everything.
Modern marvels of science, technology, and macro political pandering may have created the illusion that storehouses of milk, bread, meat, clothing, energy, and all other resources are plentiful—or even inexhaustible—whether you pay for them yourself or not. But in the long-run, those pesky Universal Laws always call all unpaid balances due. While debt and bankruptcy may be legal options in a social system, natural systems do not afford them commensurate status.
At baseline, nothing is ever completely free.
The quest to obtain something for nothing begins its insidious course by infiltrating individual lives, families, and organizations. Then, over time, it further infects entire communities, states, nations, and even large sections of the world-at-large. In any natural system, production must either equal or surpass consumption or economic atrophy ensues.
That's just the way things are!
Prosperity requires a proportionate ratio between consumption and production. The moment consumption exceeds production, prosperity begins to atrophy and die.
The world has enough consumers; it needs more producers. It has enough enervating sloth; it needs more energizing effort. It has enough buck passers and buck takers; it needs more buck classes and buck makers. (6)
SHACKLE 4: Greed
There are no ends to the ways in which greed manifests itself in our nation and world. In this section, we focus on one specific component of greed: out-of-control income inequality.
In approaching this subject, I should note right off the bat that my organization—Freedom Focused—and I are ardent and enthusiastic supporters of capitalism. We openly acknowledge that many nations are great in large part because of their entrepreneurs, businessmen and women, and salespeople. Moreover, we believe entrepreneurs should have the right to earn as much money as their hard work, talent, and pluck are capable of earning them. Individual liberties must include the right to earn a profit, including the right to be greedy in pursuit of that profit if one desires.
Nevertheless, while we deeply respect this liberty, we do not respect or condone individual or organizational greed. In other words, just because someone has the right to be greedy doesn't mean that being greedy is RIGHT. To the contrary, we believe that rapacity is not only wrong, but that greed should be continually checked—not by governmental fiat or bureaucratic coercion, but by individual consciences and cultural mores.
A grave problem currently facing the world today is INCOME INEQUALITY. Some CEOs make several hundred times the salary of their company's median income. There seems to be few limits or governing constraints to the cupidity of corporate executives and their acolytes. Such greed often creates a vicious cycle where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
A solution to this problem exists, but it does not lie in political activism aimed at taxing the rich. However well-intentioned, that approach only breeds class warfare by further cultivating a culture of disdain and disgust amongst the haves and an air of bitterness and victimization among the have-nots.
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| 1858-1919 |
"Of one man in especial, beyond anyone else, the citizens of a republic should beware, and that is the man who appeals to them to support him on the ground that he is hostile to other citizens of the republic, that he will secure for those who elect him, in one shape or another, profit at the expense of other citizens of the republic. It makes no difference whether he appeals to class hatred or class interest, to religious or antireligious prejudice. the man who makes such an appeal should always be presumed to make it for the sake of furthering his own interest. The very last thing an intelligent and self-respecting member of a democratic community should do is reward any public man because that public man says that he will get the private citizen something to which this private citizen is not entitled, or will gratify some emotion or animosity which this private citizen ought not to possess." (7)
History has continually demonstrated that governments cannot effectively legislate, nor should they decree, how private citizens and businesses should allocate their capital. Political attempts to do so are presumptuous, insulting, and tyrannical. They are communistic in nature and history has amply evinced the negative consequences of this age-old trap. As despicable as unbridled corporate (and other forms of) greed may be, the solution does not lie in egregious taxation or other coerced redistribution of resources. When you try to solve one policy extreme by implementing its own polar extreme, you end up with a different, albeit equally serious problem.
Reasonable, rational, and fair-minded public oversight and regulation?
YES! Always.
But anything beyond that is counterproductive and stifling to progress and growth,
What then is the answer to corporate greed and other forms of individual and organizational avarice?
Practically speaking, there are two specific ways to do away with greed. The first is something all of us can do as individuals. The second is something organizational executives and corporate boards can accomplish together.
FIRST, individuals—YOU and me—can commit to the lifelong habit of gifting away a set percentage of our incomes to those in need. By so doing, conscientious self-action leaders ensure that credible and trustworthy organizations are adequately funded to effectively allocate funds to just and worthy causes that support those with genuine needs.
As the Widow's Mite story in the New Testament attests, everyone can afford to give a portion of one's income away to those who have even greater needs. Doing so may require you to cut back on some creature comforts and other expenditures not necessary for survival. But it will also provide you with the opportunity to engage in self-sacrifice, which promotes not only Existential Growth and freedom, but happiness, success, and inner peace as well. And in the process, you will become a more disciplined and compassionate human being. You may even find that, like Dr. Seuss's Grinch, your heart grows a size or two along the way.
Since the mid-1980s—when I first began earning money as a little boy—I have always given away at least 10 percent of my income to worthy causes. Even during my most troubling periods of financial duress—and I faced a lot of fiscal frustrations as a college student and in the early days of building Freedom Focused—I never failed to give away at least 10 percent of my income to my church and other organizations I trusted to wisely utilize my donations. My blessings for doing so have never come in the form of instant riches; but I have always been happier and more at peace with myself for practicing this principle. It has always given me joy to know that my contributions, however meager, were contributing to the well-being of others. Moreover, as I have continued to practice this principle with a promise over time, I have gradually grown more prosperous financially as well. And the wealthier I become, the more I end up giving away.
A great philanthropist of the nineteenth century—Andrew Carnegie—once wrote that, "The rich man who dies rich ... dies disgraced." (8) In saying this, Carnegie was not encouraging the wealthy to thoughtlessly or gratuitously gift their fortunes away. Rather, he believed the rich ought to be as judicious as they were generous in order to maximize the practical and public utility of their philanthropy.
Regardless of the size of your financial portfolio, a generous and prudent practice of personal and professional philanthropy will benefit not only the recipients of your magnanimity, but YOU and your family as well. I know this is true because I—and countless others—have experienced it. After all, whatever we send out does have a way of boomeranging right back to us with interest over time.
I recognize that from an accounting standpoint this sounds counterintuitive and mathematically impossible. But accounting and math alone fails to take into account the workings of Serendipity. Anecdotally speaking, countless generous donors throughout the ages have substantiated this paradox of "getting through giving" in the laboratory of real life.
It is also true that many of the most generous people in the world are also among the richest, and contrary to popular belief, such persons are usually not generous because they are rich. More often than not, they are rich because they are generous.
Indeed, many mistakenly believe that wealth breeds generosity. In reality, it is generosity that breeds wealth. As the famous motivational speaker, Zig Ziglar once said: You can have anything you want if you help enough other people get what they want.
—Zig Ziglar
If you carefully study of the lives of wealthy philanthropists, you will discover that in many cases, they were generous people long before they became rich.
Why is that?
The answer is: because wealth does not begin in your bank account; it starts in your mind, heart, attitude, and outlook. People typically don't just magically become generous after they become wealthy. Rather, the habit of mindset of generosity tends to naturally attract riches to you over time, thereby empowering you to give away even more to others.
The SECOND way to reduce income inequality is for organizational executives and corporate boards to voluntarily pay themselves less while paying their hard-working employees more. The operative words here are "Hard Working." A person who does not work hard and fails to get results does not deserve superior pay. But a person who works hard and adds extra value to an organization should be commensurately compensated for his or her superior contributions. If corporate heads take less for themselves and give more to their hard-working, creative subordinates, they will attract and retain a work force that is far superior to what they could ever hope for by greedily engorging their own bank accounts.
These firmly held beliefs are sacrosanct and inviolate.
However, the ratio between the highest and lowest compensation packages ought to look more like 30, 20, or 10:1, instead of 300, 200, or 100:1. Always aiming to "practice what we preach," our chosen ratio at Freedom Focused is 13:1. This means that our highest paid executive will never make a salary higher than thirteen (13) times our organization's median-salaried employee.
To some (and perhaps many) readers, this may sound like a utopian ideal that would never catch on in the Real World. And the doubter's may turn out to be right. After all, we cannot force anyone else to follow our lead in this (or any other) matter; nor would we want to try.
What we can do is lead out by our own EXAMPLE.
Which is something we will do.
At Freedom Focused, we envision a different world—a better world—where rightful regard trumps reckless rapacity as individual self-action leaders choose to tread a higher path in pursuit of a paradigm of shared prosperity rooted in the Abundance Mentality. (10)
We are not naïve about the difficulty of creating such a dramatic cultural shift on a macro scale. Thus, our primary hope is to simply practice what we preach in hopes that other organizations will, in-time, follow our lead.
To ensure that we do practice what we preach, we have written specific provisions into the Freedom Focused Constitution (FFCC) ensuring the expansion of performance-based entry-level employee and mid-level salaries and incentives in conjunction with capping the same for upper-level management and C-suite executives—including mine as Chief Executive Officer (CEO).
Note: The complete and unabridged FFCC can be reviewed at the end of this textbook.
I personally believe that financial independence can be a worthy goal because of the freedom it secures and the opportunities is provides you with to serve, bless, and contribute meaningfully to the lives of others. For these reasons, being wealthy has always been an ambition of mine. I have a deep desire to be financially secure, successful, and ultimately independent. I also want YOU to be financially secure, successful, and independent—if that is something you desire and you are willing to do the hard work required to earn it honestly over time.
I do not, however, feel the need to earn 100, 200, or 300 times more than the median salaried employee in my own company; and I hope you feel (or come to feel) similarly—no matter how personally ambitious you may be. For me, 13 times more is enough and to spare. This may not be the magic number for every ambitious entrepreneur and executive out there, but it is my personal hope and prayer that it might be a more modest benchmark that will, in-time, influence others to take a more reasonable approach when it comes to executive remuneration.
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| Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 1807-1882 |
"Nothing useless is, or low;
Each thing in its place is best;
And what seems but idle show
Strengthens and supports the rest." (11)
"The Abundance Mentality ... flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity." (12)
SHACKLE 5: Arrogance
The word "PRIDE" has many definitions and connotations; some are positive and some are negative. Positive feelings of personal accomplishment—or the achievements of those you care about—realized through hard work and honest dealing is an example of positive pride. Negative pride, on the other hand, refers to arrogance.
The first kind of arrogance stems from the belief that you are existentially superior to other beings for reasons of race, birth, religion, social milieu, genetic makeup, appearance, natural talents, access to education, opportunities, and resources, etc. This kind of pride exhibits itself in messages, both explicit and implicit, that communicate some variation of: "I am better than you."
The second kind of arrogance involves a failure to see and accept things are they really are with yourself, others, and the world around you—and the physical and metaphysical laws that govern everything. This kind of arrogance may appear conceited and haughty on the surface. Deeper down, however, it usually proves to be little more than a faux façade of confidence masking a cowardly desire to escape the consequences of reality.
This variety of arrogance develops as a result of dishonesty with self and others. It involves lying, self-deception, and on the extremes—self-delusion.
There is only one authentic antidote to arrogance, or the negative forms of PRIDE.
The antidote is HUMILITY.
Humility is defined as: The ability to accurately see and graciously acknowledge things as they really are based on physical and metaphysical realities rooted in Universal Law.
HUMILITY
Humility is the only authentic antidote to arrogance. Seeing things as they really are is the first step in exercising authentic humility.
The second step is to act in accordance with an accurate awareness of that reality. Possessing and acknowledging the facts of a situation empowers you to humbly pursue a wise course of action regardless how you might feel. Thus, exercising humility concurrently bolsters your emotional intelligence, which empowers you to master your emotions rather than become a victim thereof.
SHACKLE 6: Dishonesty
Dishonesty is a cancer wherever it festers. Interpersonal lies and self-deceptions left unchecked quickly metastasize, poisoning every relationship and organization they touch. Sadly, much of the legal field exists because of mankind's propensity for deception and manipulation. Likewise, governments are often rife with dishonesty and a lack of transparency. Such deceit results in corruption, which in-turn stymies economic growth and inhibits people's trust in the state apparatus.
Dishonesty in marriage often leads to divorce and broken families. In extreme cases, dishonesty can even cause death through preventable wars, famines, and other man-made calamities.
—Sir Walter Scott
Countless are the personal, relational, and organizational failures rooted in deception and illusion. On the flip side, lasting personal, relational, and organizational successes are always built on a foundation of truth-telling, transparency, and integrity.
It is true that honesty, like anything, can be taken to unhealthy extremes, as my experiences with OCD attest—something I will detail in BOOK the SIXTH, chapter three. Nevertheless, if I had the choice of hiring a less talented individual who was a little too honest, or a more talented individual who was a little too deceitful, I'd pick the integrity-bound candidate every time, and I bet you would do the same.
In the long-run, you cannot put a price on honesty, integrity, and good character.
If you can imagine a planet without dishonesty, you can conceive a world with a lot fewer worries and headaches, an end to locks, keys, and bars, and a lot more individual and collective success, prosperity, and peace of mind. Honesty is like an existential flashlight, spotlight, or brightly shining sun: it illuminates reality and casts shade on all subterfuge and error. And in the end, REALITY—the fundamental concern of this text—is all that really matters.
SHACKLE 7: Substance Abuse and Addiction
I could easily research and then spout a slew of statistics to illuminate the horrors of this all-too-common problem. For the purposes of this Life Leadership textbook, a few statements of salient self-evidence will suffice.
Many addictions, diseases, and preventable accidents and tragedies are linked to what we put into our bodies. Substance abuse is a scourge that afflicts every nation in this world. From tobacco, alcohol, and the recreational abuse of marijuana and narcotics, to the abuse of pharmaceutical and illegal drugs, there are countless opportunities to harm yourself and others through addictions to a wide range of substances.
From the decade of my birth in the 1970s to the present decade in the 2020s, many young and talented actors, singers, musicians, and others have truncated their lives by two, three, or four times due to overdosing on alcohol and/or drugs. From Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, and John Belushi in the 1970s and 80s to Whitney Houston, Cory Monteith, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman in consecutive years during the 2010s, there seems to be no end in sight for the tragic consequences of alcohol and drug use and abuse.
While there may be no way to prevent all such tragedies, it is possible for YOU to take control of your own mind and life and avoid a similarly tragic end. You may also play a positive—and perhaps even a lifesaving—role in helping others avoid (or recover from) such pitfalls.
Effective self-action leaders are sovereign over what they put into their bodies; they do not abdicate their self-sovereignty to substances or other people. They refuse to forsake their freedom to wallow and waste away in the diabolical dungeon of drugs and other sensory dependencies or sensual debaucheries. As a self-action leader, you possess the power to make a proactive plan to avoid crowning your crypt with the ignominious epitaph: I deeded my life to drugs and alcohol.
It is important to add here that substance abuse is a complex issue that usually cannot be remedied by a mere decree of self-discipline and willpower. In many cases it is a genetically-influenced disease that may require professional help to manage and overcome. Deep and complicated life variables conspire to make this issue one of the most perplexing challenges our planet has ever faced.
In candidly calling out the profound problems and potential preventability of substance abuse, Freedom Focused is not in any way minimizing the challenges and complexity surrounding the issue. However, we will not shrink away from confronting it for the preventable problem that it is as we seek to diminish and remedy its etiology and consequences.
We further call upon leaders, educators, and citizens everywhere to do everything in their power to avoid becoming entangled in substance abuse themselves—and to reach out to help friends or loved ones who are ensnared in its grasping, seizing, and venomous clutches.
SHACKLE 8: Irresponsible Use of Sex
The first experience occurred while teaching the designated novel for the year—a juvenile work of fiction entitled Speak, written by Laurie Halse Anderson. Of all the literary selections we read that year (short story, poetry, or novel), Anderson's book was the most popular amongst my students.
Speak, which was also made into a movie starring Kristin Stewart, tells the story of a teenage girl who was raped at a party prior to the start of her ninth grade year. The book follows the protagonist through the ensuing school year as she struggles with difficult and painful consequences of her terrible victimization.
Perhaps the most memorable thing from my experience teaching this novel was reading Anderson's own words about her experiences traveling around the United States to promote her book. As she made her book tour rounds, she discovered a disturbing trend. In answer to the question: Have any readers ever asked questions that shocked you? (14) Anderson replied:
"I have gotten one question repeatedly from young men. These are guys who liked the book, but they are honestly confused. They ask me why Melinda was so upset about being raped.
"The first dozen times I heard this, I was horrified. But I heard it over and over again. I realized that many young men are not being taught the impact that sexual assault has on a woman. They are inundated by sexual imagery in the media, and often come to the (incorrect) conclusion that having sex is not a big deal. This, no doubt, is why the numbers of sexual assaults is so high." (15)
If a young man believes that assault, rape, or even casual sex is no big deal, he has not received good (if any) training in Self-Action Leadership and character. If young people everywhere were taught, trained, and mentored in subjects like self-control, self-discipline, respect, reverence, kindness, courtesy, compassion, and empathy, there would be fewer uneducated men and boys in this country and world with cavalier attitudes towards women and sex. There would also be fewer sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, and gratuitous abortions.
The second experience from my year teaching high school occurred one day when a shy, diffident young woman asked my female co-teacher if she could speak to her in private. Once outside the classroom, this young lady divulged to my colleague that she had had sex with a boy who secretly videotaped their tryst and was now spreading the video footage around the school. My horrified co-teacher (who hailed from an older generation) kindly and patiently listened to her and then directed her to the proper administrative channels to appropriately address the crisis.
I can only imagine what this poor young girl must have been going through mentally and emotionally during this horrific turn of events. My heart went out to her in her time of anguish. My heart ached even more with the knowledge that such an unfortunate incident could have been prevented with proper education, self-discipline, and a positive peer and family support system. In saying this, I do not wish to insinuate that all such incidents are preventable through SAL and character alone. After all, a person's chastity and privacy may be violated against one's will, making a victim powerless in the face of aggressive force. I simply seek to suggest that the possibility of prevention is much greater for YOU personally if you commit to live your life according to the principles and practices outlined in this Life Leadership textbook.
SEX is a serious act.
Once engaged in, you cannot "take it back." Human sexuality is a powerful drive and force of nature that, if not properly bridled and restrained, can devastate and wreak havoc in the lives of individuals, families, communities, organizations, and nations.
Sex education at home should not only include the topic of "safe sex," but also about "ethical (or moral) sex" in conjunction with the very real option of "foregoing sex" (aka: Abstinence) altogether until a time in your life when you are fully capable of making wise decisions regarding its full expression.
Several years ago, I read an article from a major news outlet about a mother who was concerned about her college-aged son because of the tendency of the typical college student to get involved in drinking and sexual activity. (16)
Her plan of action was to encourage her son to always send and receive a text message before and after sexual activity to provide evidence that any forthcoming sexual behavior is/was consensual.
Her goal?
To avoid legal issues surrounding potential assault or rape allegations that may follow a given tryst.
Rather than teach and mentor her son in SAL and character, and perhaps encouraging her son to save sex for a committed relationship (i.e. marriage), this mother was more concerned with her son avoiding legal issues, an unjust indictment, or even jail time in the case of a date heading south or an encounter with a vindictive and manipulative partner.
What was her justification for this pedagogical approach?
In her own words, she said: "Let's face it, the sexual revolution is real." (17)
Resigned to the fact that her son was simply a victim of his own libido and socio-cultural forces beyond his control, she decided her best (and perhaps only) hope was to coach him to avoid accusations of wrongdoing and fill his suitcase full of condoms before leaving home. (18)
This woman's controversial comments and methods are symptomatic of a wider societal acceptance of the notion that young people will not, or perhaps even cannot, control themselves sexually. Parents must therefore resort to protective measures to minimize collateral damage for unbridled sexual expression.
How sad.
How existentially relegated this mother's attitude is towards her son's (and his peers) capacity for discretion, self-discipline, moral compunction, and forethought.
In the mother's defense, she did claim to have taught her son to respect women. Moreover, she is certainly better off trying to prevent a potential date rape accusation than to stand idly by saying and doing nothing. I have no doubt she loves her son, wants the best for him, and is simply doing what she feels is best to help protect him—which is more than some parents do. (19)
What this mother does not seem to realize is that in her efforts to be a responsible and loving parent, she is implicitly sanctioning sexual permissiveness, and perhaps alcohol and substance abuse as well. In so doing, she has—however unwittingly—become a representative of a populace that has willingly abdicated their personal power and self-control in the realm of human sexuality.
In making decisions about any and all sexual behaviors, we urge ALL self-action leaders to view sex as the special—even sacred—act that it is, and to make careful and responsible choices when expressing your own sexuality. We likewise encourage self-action leaders everywhere to keep in the forefront of your minds the consequences that will flow into your life—and the lives of those impacted and influenced by your choices—by virtue of your sexual thoughts, words, and actions.
A Sexual Caveat from History
After completing an epic 11-volume history of the world—The Story of Civilization—authors Will and Ariel Durant penned an abridged classic called The Lessons of History. Their intention in penning a much shorter and more accessible summary of their canonical work was to offer something to future generations "that might illuminate present affairs, future probabilities, the nature of man, and the conduct of states." (20)
On the subject of sex, the Durant's wrote:
"A youth boiling with hormones will wonder why he should not give full freedom to his sexual desires; and if he is unchecked by custom, morals, or laws, he may ruin his life before he matures sufficiently to understand that sex is a river of fire that must be banked and cooled by a hundred restraints if it is not to consume in chaos both the individual and the group." (21)
Consider the import and gravitas of these words spoken by two of the worlds greatest historians; words uttered by a couple of the finest historical minds of the twentieth century; words carefully articulated after a thoughtful consideration of the totality of human events transpired since the dawn of recorded history!
It's hard to surpass such credibility!
I don't know details of what the Durant's personally thought about sex from a moral perspective. I only know that they understood history better than most people who have ever lived and with such a handle on the history of humanity, they concluded in no uncertain terms that few human behaviors have the power to lead to preventable calamities—among both individuals and the collective—than sexual indiscretions and permissiveness.
Please do not misunderstand...
SEX is a wonderful thing!
It is, after all, the physical means wherewith my three precious children were formed in the flesh. It is also a means by which my wife and I stay close and connected in the bonds of holy matrimony. When Sir Winston Churchill was once queried on the subject of sex, his concise three-word reply was simply: I love it! However apocryphal this anecdote may be, I wholeheartedly concur with Sir Winston's succinct sentiment on the subject. Nevertheless, my own perpetual and residual enjoyment of the practice is fueled, sustained, and kept pure only by my continuous commitment to my own self-imposed strict boundaries of expression. There is no other way to avoid the painful and preventable consequences that flow from unbridled sexual expression.
Sex is inherently a magnificent thing. In my opinion, it is unquestionably one of life's grandest experiences. But like so many other wonderful and special things in life, it can quickly and easily go awry if we are not careful, disciplined, mature, and wise in its expression and use.
Do not Surrender your Sexual Sovereignty
SHACKLE 9: Abuse and Neglect of Loved Ones
The list of negative short- and long-term effects and repercussions of abuse is long and dour. It includes greater incidences of mental and emotional illnesses, a diminished capacity for empathy, and a heightened potential for criminal and other deviant behavior—to name just a few.
Abuse in all of its horrific variants is a curse and a plague bereft of boundaries—geographically and culturally speaking. To abuse any human being in any way for any reason is to strike a diabolical chord of demonic dissonance upon the great musical that is mankind. Indeed, the abuse of each and every victim strikes a vicious blow upon the decency and dignity of our shared humanity.
I was born in the year 1979. In that same year, Mother Teresa of Calcutta won the Nobel Peace Prize. When asked what individuals could do to promote world peace, she simply replied: Go home and take care of your families.
—Mother Teresa
That august sage of the Indian subcontinent understood the great truth that macro problems cannot be solved externally; they must be internally repaired... ONE individual at-a-time. A nation's greatest problems begin at home, and our biggest problems at home originate inside the minds, hearts, and souls of individuals.
Human beings are the smallest units that make up larger social groups and systems. The second smallest unit consists of a committed, long-term, intimate relationship. The third smallest unit is the FAMILY. All societal and cultural problems have their roots in individual, companion, and familial problems. Governments cannot regulate, much less solve, micro problems—including abuse—that exist on the personal, interpersonal, or familial levels.
Individuals, couples, and families must learn about and then choose to control and regulate themselves and their interactions with others. Failure to do so has a "trickle-up" effect by which macro issues on the individual and family level manifest themselves over time in pandemic, macro problems that plague entire societies, continents, hemispheres, and even the world-at-large.
Nations that are strong and successful are so because of individuals and families that are honest, hard-working, self-reliant, and who care for and respect their fellow human beings. Conversely, nations that are weak and fractured have rotten roots made up of broken families and lost individuals who have abdicated their personal and familial responsibilities and/or abused spouse or offspring.
Fix broken individuals and you fix broken families. Fix broken families and you fix broken schools, churches, communities, cities, states, and nations.
It's that simple.
And it's also that difficult.
Over the years, I have traveled a lot with my work. In all my comings-and-goings, I have often found it interesting how kind, respectful, compassionate, and generous complete strangers usually are to each other in airports, airplanes, hotels, restaurants, and rental car outlets. I often wonder how these seemingly kind, considerate, and mature men and women act when no one else is watching, or at home in their personal relationships and families.
It would be interesting to know.
Human beings are strange creatures in the sense that we tend to treat best those we know and care about the least, while heaping criticism, sarcasm—and sometimes abuse—upon those whom are supposedly the most precious to us.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
It seems we have our priorities mixed up when we act in these ways. If we were wise, we would save our best for those who are nearest and dearest to our hearts—and reserve our worst for complete strangers we are unlikely to ever encounter again. I say this "tongue-in-cheek" of course, as I am certainly not advocating that anyone be abusive or unkind to anyone (including strangers). However, if you had to choose someone to be short or unkind with and someone to be patient and forgiving with, would it not be better to give your best to your spouse, child, friend, neighbor, or colleague instead of all those strangers you will likely never see again?
Just a little food for thought...
SHACKLE 10: Devaluation of, and Disregard for, Human Life
The disregard for human life begins long before human beings ever see the light of day, and continues on throughout life right up to the grave (sometimes prematurely so). In making this statement, I do not wish to get political about abortion and euthanasia; I simply desire to highlight an indisputable fact and reality about society's collective priorities when it comes to the value of human life—ALL human life.
Throughout the world, including in all of the world's greatest cities, human life is often sacrificed on altars of drugs, ego, lust, narcissism, pride, revenge, and perhaps above all—selfishness.
The ultimate disregard for human life manifests itself in murder—the antithesis of life, opportunity, and human progress. It is the purest personification of irresponsibility, selfishness, and hate. It is the endgame of the blame game and the ultimate abdication of human compassion and nobility.
Worth and Equality
Far removed from murder, yet a much more ubiquitous problem, is the devaluation of human life through existential inequality—the idea that some human beings have more innate value than others because of birth, race, ethnicity, religion, social status, prestige, fashion, financial means, etc. Such a belief is completely false, yet haughty notions of innate supremacy are harbored to varying degrees by many, if not most, human beings. The fundamental problem with this erroneous line of thinking is that it leads people to disregard, discredit, ignore—and in more extreme cases—to abuse, enslave, imprison, and even execute other people they see as somehow being "less than" they are.
The truth is that every human being ever born possesses an inherent and equal worth as a member of the human race. This worth is complete, innate, irrevocable, and I believe immortal and eternal in nature. Fair and just self-action leaders of all beliefs recognize at least three of these four great truths and/or beliefs. In turn, they view and treat all human beings with the respect, dignity, fairness, justice, mercy, and respect that all human beings rightly deserve.
This great truth does not mean that all persons will experience an "Equality of Opportunity"; nor does is mean that all persons should experience an "Equality of Outcome." It simply affirms the great truth that every member of the human family possesses an "Equality of Being." In the legendary words of Thomas Jefferson: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all [mankind is] created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.
—Thomas Jefferson
At Freedom Focused, we employ the term Existential Worth to refer to the worth of someone's or something's existence as measured by his, her, or its potential for Existential Growth.
Existential Potential is then defined as: The potential for Existential Growth of any life form, and more especially human beings and organizations.
The theoretical absoluteness of our Existential Worth and Potential is summed up by another, similar term we refer to as Existential Equality, which refers to a paradigm that all human beings are equal in their potential to become fully actualized human beings in pursuit of unlimited Existential Growth.
EXISTENTIAL EQUALITY
- Of the 10 shackles of personal freedom introduced in this chapter, which one(s) are you most vulnerable?
- What is something you could do TODAY to begin freeing yourself from one (or more) of these shackles?
- What is something you could do for someone else to help them free themselves from one (or more) of these shackles?
—Dr. JJ
Author's Note: This is the 377th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013 and the 188th consecutive weekly blog published since August 31, 2020.
Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 376 FF Blog Articles
Click HERE for a complete listing of Freedom Focused SAL QUOTES
Click HERE for a complete listing of Freedom Focused SAL POEMS
Click HERE to access the FULL TEXT of Dr. JJ's Psalms of Life: A Poetry Collection
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1. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ. New York, NY: Bantam Books. Page xii.
2. Giuliani, R.W. (2002). Leadership. New York, NY: Miramax. Chapter 2.
3. Ibid. Page 46.
4. Rohn, J. (2000). Building Your Network Marketing Business. CD. VideoPlus. Rohn's complete quote is: "If you want to be great, then find a way to serve the many; for service to many leads to greatness."
5. Hobbes, T. Leviathan. Part 1, chapter 13, paragraph 10.
6. The literary style and rhythm in this paragraph—and others like it throughout this book—is borrowed from a similar style used in paragraph 16 of an October 2000 speech entitled The Joy of Womanhood, delivered by Margaret D. Nadauld. My thanks to Mrs. Nadauld for inspiring me with her stirring delivery and well-crafted prose.
7. Roosevelt, T. (1910). Citizenship in a Republic. Speech delivered at the Sorbonne. Paris, France. April 23, 1910.
8. Carnegie, A. (1889). “The Gospel of Wealth.” The North American Review. June Edition.
8. Ibid.
10. Covey, S.R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. New York, NY: Fireside. Page 219-220.
11. Longfellow, H. W. (1912). From A Psalm of Life in The Poetical Works of Longfellow. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press. Page 186.
12. Covey, S.R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. New York, NY: Fireside. Page 219-220.
13. Scott, W. (1812). Marmion: A Romance in Six Cantos. Canto VI. Section XVII. Lines 27-28. The Poetical Works of Walter Scott, Esq. Vol. 3. Page 216. Baltimore, MD: Published by Joseph Cushing. William Fry, Printer. Google Books version.
14. Anderson, L. H. (1999). Speak (Platinum Edition ed.). New York, NY: The Penguin Group. Page 206.
15. Ibid. Page 206.
16. Jones, R. (2014). “Young Men, Get a ‘Yes’ Text Before Sex.” CNN.com. URL: http://www.cnn.com/2013/12/02/opinion/gupta-health-optimize/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
17. Ibid.
18. Ibid.
19. Ibid.
20. Durant, W. & Durant, A. (1968, renewed 1996). The Lessons of History. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks. Page 7.
21. Ibid. Chapter V, Character and History, Pages 35-36.
