Chapter 2
Becoming a Conduit of Serendipity?
In earlier editions of the SAL Life Leadership textbook, less was said about the topic of Serendipity. Greater coverage of this vital subject has been granted gradually over time. As you may have noticed, it is postured prominently throughout the pages of this, the SEVENTH Edition. This increase has evolved naturally and organically as a direct reflection of my clearer understanding and growing experiences with this fascinating phenomenon.
My purpose in granting so much coverage to the subject of Serendipity has been two fold. First, I seek to clearly recognize and acknowledge its reality and presence in our lives as human beings. And second, I want to recognize and acknowledge that Self-Action Leadership alone is not enough to obtain the existential growth and other results we so deeply seek as self-action leaders.
In other words, self-action leaders are much more than just powerful and wise leaders of self. They are also discerning and humble about reality, which includes the recognition and acknowledgement that there are some things that they cannot accomplish all by themselves, and will therefore need the assistance of other people and forces to realize their full potential.
At Freedom Focused, we believe that everyone's life is touched by Serendipity in various ways—regardless whether an individual recognizes and acknowledges this fact, or not. Moreover, there are times when all of us seek, or at least need, the favors and blessings of Serendipity.
No matter how great a self-action leader YOU may be, your life will always be better with the aid of Serendipity. Simply stated, we cannot live a full or complete life without Serendipity. Yet, even the greatest human efforts cannot control or replace its seemingly magical aid and assistance.
I personally believe that Serendipity can come whether we ask for it and seek it out—or not.
On the other hand, I further believe that those who seek out an active relationship with whoever or whatever they believe Serendipity to be, tend to invite a far greater portion of its metaphysical presence, power, and influence into their lives.
According to our pal, M. Scott Peck, the blessings of Serendipity—or grace, as he refers to it—are paradoxical. In one sense, "Grace is earned," (1) yet human beings cannot capriciously command it, nor can they manipulate its favors. On the other hand, "whether or not we become blessed by grace is a matter of our choice." (2)
To a certain extent, the entrance of grace (or Serendipity) into our lives is contingent upon our personal effort. On the other hand, it acts independently of our conscious designs for or against it. In other words, "we do not come to grace; grace comes to us." (3)
Peck then elaborates thusly:
"Try as we might to obtain grace, it may elude us. We may seek it not, yet it will find us. Consciously we may avidly desire the spiritual life but then discover all manner of stumbling blocks in our way. Or we may have seemingly little taste for the spiritual life and yet find ourselves vigorously called to it in spit of ourselves." (4)
I have observed this often frustrating—yet ultimately holy and prescient—paradoxical quality of Serendipity in my own life on countless occasions. For me, Serendipity often appears to be precariously capricious, and sometimes even unfair in its operations in the short-run. This is perhaps especially true when it comes to its preferred timing (which is almost never timed to my initial liking). Yet, given a sufficient passage of time, the clever machinations and remarkable orchestrations of Serendipity never fail to bring about the best possible results in my life and career—if I am willing to be sufficiently patient to allow its full force to hold sway over my heart, mind, and will. Disciplining my will, mind, and heart is not always easy. It requires as much submission and surrender as it does determination and persistence.
It demands that I know when to put up a fight, and when to lay down my sword.
And both actions are indispensably important in their own place and time.
One of the biggest errors that amateur self-action leaders are prone to make is to mistakenly believe that you must fight, fight, fight, and never give up. And in truth, there are times when that is exactly what you need to do.
But, that is not the answer in every situation. As Dale Carnegie—the father of the self-help field—once wrote: When you fight you can never get enough; but, when you yield you get more than you expected.
"When you fight, you can never get enough;
but, when you yield you get more than you expected."
—Dale Carnegie
I am reminded here of the timeless and poetic words of Ecclesiastes from the Good Book: To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."
—Ecclesiastes 3:1
When it comes to Serendipity's role in my own life, there have probably been as many dark moments (when it seemed absent and inactive) as light moments (when it was obviously present and vigorously proactive). And yet, upon further reflection over time, it becomes increasingly evident that the invisible hand of Serendipity was there all along—through thick and thin and through dark times and light—ever guiding me toward the best possible result in the end.
Sometimes, when I was not seeking it at all, it would land squarely in my lap. Other times, when I thought I needed it the most—and most earnestly sought it out—it was nowhere to be found.
Given this seeming mismatch, it appears that Serendipity is mostly unconcerned with our personal opinions about how it should operate and what roles it should play in our lives and careers—and when. It also appears to be far wiser than we are in that its primary concerns are more focused on our Existential Growth and long-term happiness, success, and inner peace than it is on our mercurial personal whims or desires for temporary pleasure or satisfaction.
My personal conviction of Serendipity in my life comes from its providential power, proactive presence, and undeniable impact in my life and career. This intangible, but obviously very real, metaphysical presence and power has dramatically assisted me in my struggles with OCD, anxiety, and depression; my academic and career path; the 24-year writing of this comprehensive Life Leadership textbook; and every other area of my life.
Indeed, Serendipitous forces have touched and blessed my life so often and so profoundly that denying its reality, influence, and power would be ignorant, unobservant, dishonest, and ungrateful on my part.
In a few more years (2029) I will turn 50 years old. As I reflect back over my fifty years of life experiences, it is clear and undeniable that the mysterious workings of Serendipity have always been both continually active and far wiser than I would have been if left to my own devices.
The silver linings of Serendipity were not always what I expected to receive, or even what I thought I wanted in the moment. But, the trials I faced were always what I needed most in the short-run in order to eventually obtain what I ultimately wanted most in the long-run. While the choicest of my blessings almost never arrived when I wanted them to, the passage of time has consistently corroborated its capacity for perfect and precise timing in the end. As a result, I wouldn't change any of its interventions in my life—no matter how temporarily disappointing, frustrating, and irritating—even if I had the power to do so.
Whatever YOU may choose to call this remarkable metaphysical force, it is a profoundly beautiful and endlessly mysterious phenomenon of life that self-action leaders are inexplicably blessed to have access to in our lives and careers.
I know that I have been so blessed.
To illustrate these blessings, consider the following three (3) memorable anecdotes from my personal life where I believe Serendipity played an obvious, albeit unseen, role that greatly benefitted me.
Finding My Wallet
"Perhaps I had inadvertently thrown my wallet away with my sack of breakfast trash," I thought to myself.
Then, I recalled my having already taken out the trash and pressed the "compact" button on our apartment complex's garbage compactor.
Yikes!
Rushing out to the garbage bin, I was relieved to find that the dumpster had not yet been emptied. But, I had already compacted the garbage! Despite this fact, after a very short search, I discovered—to my enormous joy, gratitude, and relief—my wallet had serendipitously landed in the perfect spot right on the very edge of where the garbage had been compacted—making it readily accessible by merely reaching my hand a few feet inside the dumpster.
I was not only able to retrieve my lost wallet, but was able to do so without having to dive into the dumpster and physically rummage through the filthy trash. What time, mental anguish, and physical, nasal, and bacterial misery Serendipity saved me from that day!
I recognize that I cannot prove that God answered my prayer and led me to my lost wallet. This simple, but highly fortunate series of events may have just been a lucky coincidence. I, of course, believe something much higher and holier was at play. But, regardless of my personal spiritual beliefs in the matter, no one can argue that I was very fortunate to have so many different variables fall into place at just the right time and location to empower my quick and relatively easy retrieval of my lost wallet.
That is a classic example of Serendipity!
Building Shelves for Dr. Jackson
In college, I worked as a part-time hourly wage earner in my brothers' shelving business. We ran fliers door-to-door advertising our services and then built shelves in the garages and basements of interested homeowners throughout the community.
One such job was in the home of Dr. Bruce H. Jackson, who was currently working on his doctoral dissertation on the topic of FLOW (2) at Fielding Graduate University (FGU). I had never heard of FLOW or FGU before I met Bruce; but, it was evident from our brief conversation that day that Dr. Jackson and I shared many common interests and passions.
A few years later, after I had graduated from college, I got back in touch with Bruce and eventually became one of his personal assistants at The Center for the Advancement of Leadership at Utah Valley University (my alma mater). Dr. Jackson became an important mentor for me at a pivotal point in my life.
Influenced and inspired by his example, I chose to follow in his footsteps several years later by enrolling at Fielding Graduate University myself, where I eventually graduated with a Doctoral degree in Education. This Life Leadership textbook that you currently hold in your hands is a revised edition of the dissertation research I completed for my Doctoral program at FGU.
My chance meeting with Bruce—building shelves in his garage and home as a young college student—may sound like a coincidence, and many would call it luck. Whatever it actually was—and I, of course, have spiritual beliefs regarding its ontology—it was undoubtedly a serendipitous occurrence that led to many additional blessings in my life and career.
So many different variables existed that could have altered this meeting and conversation. For example, I only helped my brothers with the jobs that fit into my busy collegiate schedule. what if I had not been there the day we built shelves for Bruce?
Or, what if Bruce's wife had been there at the end of our job to pay us instead of Bruce and the two of us had never met and struck up that initial conversation?
Or, what if we had not delivered our advertisement fliers to Bruce's neighborhood? Or, if a neighbor had referred him, what if that neighborly conversation about Jensen Brothers' Shelving had never taken place?
What if I had chosen a different part-time job and not chosen to help my brothers with their shelving business?
There are always lots of mystifying "what-if" questions in these sorts of serendipitous situations. And in most cases, there is no way to precisely answer such questions. But, the reality remains that all of these things did happen. All the right variables did align in just the right way to ensure I did meet Bruce, which, in-turn created a domino effect that led to everything that happened afterward.
Consequently, that one shelf job, which was so ordinary and like most other jobs—except for the one fact that I crossed paths with Dr. Jackson for the first time—proved to be one of the more catalytic and consequential events of my young life. This event led to many important future developments and opportunities in my life and career, including the composition of these very words that YOU are presently reading!
Some, and perhaps many, would suggest that all of those interconnected and mutually fortuitous variables are merely the result of a lucky coincidence. And some would attribute it to the workings of a Higher Power.
Regardless who is right about their beliefs in the matter, the reality is that it all actually occurred.
And that is the miracle of Serendipity!
The Bitter-Sweetness of Failure
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| JJ in his college track singlet. Weber State University Spring 2003 |
Later that school year, in early 2003, my coach surprised me when he rewarded me a half-tuition scholarship for the 2003 season.
This achievement was extremely fulfilling, meaningful, and satisfying to me because of the value I had placed on athletics—and the extent to which I had identified myself as an athlete—since I was just a little boy.
That track season (indoor & outdoor), I specialized in the 800-meter run.
In the second meet of the indoor season in January, I surprised myself when I clocked a speedy personal best time of one minute and 56 seconds (1:56) in the 800 meters. To my shock, I had run a mere one second slower than the qualifying time (1:55) for the National Outdoor Championships scheduled to be held in Texas later that spring.
It was most encouraging to run so near the qualifying time so early in the season because I still had many chances left to qualify. From that time onward, I figured that qualifying was a foregone conclusion—just a matter of time.
In the months that followed, I worked hard and trained diligently as a dedicated member of the UVSC track team. I also ran some fast times in races. Unfortunately, however—and to my great surprise—I did not run fast enough to qualify for the indoor or outdoor national championships in the open 800-meters event, as I had set out to do at the beginning of the year.
Despite having come within a mere second of the qualifying time in the second meet of the season, I continued to finish just shy of the qualifying time, which was 1:55.7 seconds.
In the Indoor National Championships at Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, I had qualified to run in two different relays. In both of these events my leg of the relay was 800 meters, wherein I clocked 1:55.7 and 1:55.3. However, because my times were clocked in relays rather than open 800 meter races, they were not allowed to stand as qualifying times.
After the outdoor track season had begun, I ran 1:56 and 1:59 in the first two meets of the season at Glendale Community College and Weber State University, respectively. Then, in my next meet held at Utah State University, I was on track to run a 1:54 or 1:55, and almost certainly would have done so, but was accidentally tripped by another runner just 10-15 meters short of the finish line.
I could hardly believe my bad luck!
Frantic at such a terrible turn of events outside of my control, I got up as quickly as I could and surged across the finish line, but it was not enough; I had lost several seconds in the fall and finished with another time of 1:59.
I was very disappointed, and felt robbed!
Following this calamitous finish at Utah State, I had only two (2) chances left to qualify, both of which would be at Brigham Young University, which had a world class, mondo track which was sleek and fast.
However, the first of these opportunities just happened to fall on the day after I had spent eight (8) hours moving to a new apartment (not the best pre-race activity) . As a result, I overworked my muscles and did not get to bed until 3:15 a.m. the morning before the race. Then, after a truncated night's sleep, I walked in my undergraduate college graduation ceremony.
I was tired and my body was feeling the effects of all the heavy lifting (I owned lots of books) I had done during the move the night before.
A few hours after my graduation, I put on my track uniform and went over to the meet at BYU where I ran a disappointing time of 1:57. There was no doubt in my mind that my move and lack of sleep had hindered my potential that day.
My last opportunity to qualify came one week later, again at BYU. This time I was well rested and gave the race my very best effort; but, I still came up short by approximately three-tenths (3/10s ~ .30) of a second, finishing in a personal best (outdoor) time of 1:55.97.
I came so close!
But I ultimately failed once again to accomplish my season-long quest.
I was heartbroken to have come so close, only to fail yet again.
The next day—day two of the track meet—I was scheduled to compete in the open 1500 meters. It was my second best event, but not one I had been focusing on. Indeed, I had been specifically doing 800-meter workouts all season long, not 1500 meter workouts. The qualifying time in the 1500 meters was a high 3:57. I had only competed in the 1500 a couple of times all season and my best time was a distant 4:16—not even close to qualifying for nationals.
No one—not my coach or teammates, much less myself—expected me to qualify for Nationals in the 1500 meters. Thus, with these low expectations in tow, I entered the race much calmer and more relaxed than usual. While the disappointment of my 800 meter failure still stung, I felt very little pressure since no one—including myself—expected me to qualify in the 1500.
I started the race wisely by not going out too fast. As I continued into the second lap, my stride was smooth, my turnover was efficient, and I was feeling both strong and relaxed. As I crossed the line for the final "bell lap" I glanced up at the scoreboard where the running clock was displayed. After seeing the time, I quickly did the math in my head whereupon I realized, to my utter amazement, that if I could run my final 400 meters in 60-61 seconds, I might do the unthinkable—I might just qualify for Nationals in the open 1500 meters.
Spurred on by this brilliant ray of completely unexpected hope, I kicked it into high gear and gave it everything I had left around the final two curves and then down the homestretch. After lunging across the finish line with all of my might, my eyes immediately shot up toward the scoreboard to see my time.
It was a low 4:02.
The qualifying time was a high 3:57.
However, because my race had been run in Provo Utah, which is 4,500 feet above sea level, runners were allowed to subtract 4.5 seconds off of 1500 meter times to adjust for the thinner air conditions extant at altitude.
This meant that my official time was actually a mid-3:57.
I had done the seemingly impossible: I had run the best 1500 meter race of my life—the equivalent of a 4:16.5 mile time—scored a huge PR (personal record), and qualified for the outdoor National Championships in the open 1500 all at the same time!
And I had accomplished it by only a couple tenths of a second (0.20).
Overjoyed, I leaped into the air as high as I could jump and pumped my arms in an exuberant display of exhilarating triumph. I then ran to and embraced my excited and, no doubt, surprised Coach.
Amazingly, and ironically, I had qualified for the 1500 meters by the same fraction of a second that I had missed qualifying in the 800 meters the day before.
Was that just an uncanny coincidence?
Or perhaps just dumb luck?
Was it merely the scientific or mathematical result of an intelligent, relaxed, and well-run race backed up by a good night's rest the previous evening?
There is no doubt that such variables helped my cause, and maybe these physical, mental, and emotional variables do tell the entire story. However, I choose to believe there was something more at play that day. For me, the precision of the timed results were too exact to be mere coincidence or good luck.
Whatever the source of this Serendipity, there is no doubt about the serendipitous nature of this specially-tailored GIFT to me. As I reflected back on how badly I wanted to qualify for the open 800 meters, and how I had been unfairly denied a qualifying time in a previous race where I had been tripped up in the last seconds, it seemed clear to me that serendipitous forces were pulling a few extra strings on my behalf to invoke whatever laws of compensation exist in the Universe.
This gift filled my mind, heart, and soul with unspeakable gratitude and joy to have accomplished my goal—albeit in a different way than I had originally expected and set out to do—and to this day, this experience and memory ranks among the sweetest of my life.
Conditions were windy at the NJCAA Outdoor National Track Championships in Levelland, Texas later that month. I ran more slowly (4:10) than I had at my qualifying race and finished in second-to-last place (11th out of 12 runners) in that semi-elite field of runners. But, I'll never forget the thrill of being part of an open national championship final (7)—the first and only time I would ever do so (8)—and I'll forever be grateful to the serendipitous aid I believe helped make it possible.
It was the closest I would ever come to racing at the Olympics!
Merciful Professors
After my struggles with math and science in high school, I was thrilled to be able to choose what my college major would be—and I chose ENGLISH!
Nevertheless, as part of my general education (GE) requirements to obtain my bachelor's degree, it was mandated that I take at least one (1) math and three (3) science classes. I was irritated by this fact; nevertheless, I was resolved to my fate and began to strategize how I might take the easiest possible pathway through what was—for me—a four (4) course gauntlet of subjects that did not come easily to me.
Step one: avoid chemistry like the plague!
Check!
Despite avoiding chemistry, four (4) of the five (5) hardest classes I took in my entire undergraduate program were either math or science: astronomy, biology, geology, and statistics; and the one class that wasn't technically math or science was linguistics, which is basically the math and science of language!
I experienced an extra measure of anxiety and stress over astronomy, linguistics, and statistics. Yet, in every single case, the stars always aligned more-or-less perfectly to allow me to squeak by with B and C-grades. Whether it was a professor who made things extra easy for me/us on assignments or tests, or an extra friendly and helpful classmate, I received an enormous amount of grace in all three of these subjects, which, quite frankly, I never really came to understand very well; yet, somehow I still managed to pass each class—without which I would not have graduated.
Suffice it to say, my own personal experiences with Serendipity have been many, varied, colorful, and comprehensive. It has generously touched every area of my life with more benefits and blessings than I can keep track of.
Serendipity Alone is Not Enough
There is a saying that goes something like this: You create your own luck.
Benjamin Franklin echoed this idea when he published his timeless proverb in Poor Richard's Almanack: God helps those who help themselves.
Similar things could be said of Serendipity.
The late and great business philosopher—Jim Rohn—once illustrated this point in a lighthearted way when he told the story of a man who'd worked hard to cultivate a colorful and well-groomed garden. One day, a neighbor passed by and called out to the man, saying: "Wow, you and the good Lord have sure made a beautiful garden here." The gardener smiled back and replied: "I see what you mean; but, you should have seen it back when the good Lord had it all to Himself!" (9)
Rohn's point in sharing this story was not to diminish the role that Serendipity (rain, water, soil, seeds, sunshine, fertilizer, etc.) obviously plays in making the garden possible. His point was to emphasize that YOU and I do play a part—and a vital one at that—in terms of our careful cultivation and organization of any serendipitous variables at hand.
It has been my ongoing experience that Serendipity is usually about as active as YOU are. In other words, aid and assistance from unseen forces tend to show up more-or-less commensurately to your own commitment to unleash your personal best efforts over time.
If you go back and read the preceding three sections (stories), you will notice that I was always actively engaged in the process. In other words, I was doing my best—however imperfectly—to complete the work on my own when Serendipity appeared to make up the difference.
Serendipity rarely shows up when you are just moping around being lazy on your bed or couch—or whining about how hard things are.
In almost all cases, it waits for YOU to take the initiative. It then proceeds to follow your lead to continually enable and empower your efforts to the degree (or beyond) that you remain committed, determined, persistent, and resilient.
Thus, you will never rise to your full potential with Self-Action Leadership alone.
Nor will you realize the full measure of your creation with Serendipity alone.
It takes SAL and Serendipity—working harmoniously and continually together to reach the highest levels of the SAL Hierarchy. Therefore, the twofold question is always as follows:
- Are you willing to consistently and continually give your best effort as a self-action leader?
- Are you willing to consistently and continually accept the free gifts of Serendipity?
Question TWO may sound like an easy no-brainer; and sometimes, it will be.
However, there are times when Serendipity may be difficult to accept because it is not what you think you want in the moment. It takes vision and wisdom to recognize an opportunity when it doesn't feel or seem related to what you want most in the end. At such moments—of which there will be many in your life and career—you must exercise some of the most difficult and painful SAL qualities of all, such as: humility, longsuffering, patience, resilience, and endurance.
In BOOK the SIXTH, Chapters Four (4) and Five (5), I wrote at length about my romantic rejections and "Career Crucibles." Much of the difficulty I have faced in my relationships and career have involved rejection and temporary failure. These challenges have not been fun; but, they have made me who I am—and led me to where I am at and what I have today. Just as importantly, the very things that stung so bitterly in the moment—such as rejection and temporary failure—were the very events that became educational and experiential stepping stones to getting to where I really wanted to be most in the long run.
In these cases, Serendipity came not in the form of good news: finding my wallet, qualifying for nationals, or passing all my hard classes. Rather, Serendipity came in the form of bad news: temporary failures and setbacks, rejections, dead-ends, stallings, painful lessons learned, etc.
At times like these, it is so important to recognize that a temporary negative may very well be laying the groundwork for a long-term positive—the latter success of which would not be possible without the former failure.
In other words, things are not always what they seem in the moment; and you really do have to take the good with the bad in life. Life in this world is ever a two-edged sword and double-sided coin.
Always REMEMBER that...
And learn to live peacefully and prosperously amidst paradox.
Dream Big, Work Hard, and Be Patient
- In what ways has Serendipity benefitted, blessed, favored, or prospered your life or career in the past?
- Country music legend, Garth Brooks, often repeats the following quote: Grace is when God gives you something you don't deserve; and mercy is when God doesn't give you something that you do deserve. In what ways has your life been touched by Brooks' version of Grace and Mercy?
- Some people seem to experience Serendipity a lot more frequently, and in greater qualities and quantities, than others. Why do you think this is?
- While humans clearly cannot control Serendipity, it may be possible for us to invite it more completely and fully into our lives. Assuming that this is indeed possible, how do you think it might be best accomplished?
- In what ways might YOU be putting up walls between yourself and Serendipity? What is something you could do to begin to tear down those walls?
- In what ways might YOU be inviting bad Karma to negatively visit and impact you in the future? What is something you could do to reverse this trend in your life or career?
—Dr. JJ
Author's Note: This is the 505th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013 and the 291st consecutive weekly blog published since August 31, 2020.
Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 504 FF Blog Articles
Click HERE for a complete listing of Freedom Focused SAL QUOTES
Click HERE for a complete listing of Freedom Focused SAL POEMS
Click HERE to access the FULL TEXT of Dr. JJ's Psalms of Life: A Poetry Collection
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Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990) Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. New
York, NY: HarperPerennial.
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