Chapter 7
Psalms of Mental Malaise
Click HERE to read about Dr. JJ's Past Experiences with OCD, Anxiety, and Depression.
Coarsely crossed, the angst-filled smart
Of agony did fill my heart.
An outgrowth of my humbling path,
Bedecked with the Refiner's wrath,
That ripped my soul and taxed my mind,
Beat me through life's unending grind,
That was ordained to make a king,
Who after night is o'er will sing
A thousand praises to the Cause,
That aided an end to my flaws,
As to the realms of royal right,
I will transcend the cold, dark night,
And gratefully begin to see
The road into eternity's
A path that starts and ends with He,
And all between depends on We.
Once upon a night so dreary,
Passing by all weak and weary,
My face cast down, my eyes a'teary,
Grappling firm with fate.
The moonlight pulsates through my heart,
As mind and soul consumes the tart
And bitter, wrenching, poignant smart
Of life's incessant grate.
When shall it end? I plead in tears,
This grating toil that spans the years?
The answer comes: not til all fears
Are vanguished 'neath His will.
And even then some shall remain,
For it's what outlines joy so plain,
The God's themselves still feel pain,
When humankind choose ill.
There is no other way to feel,
The holy joy that's just as real
As pain, this paradox reveals
There is no other way.
The angst and toil amidst life's plight,
And never ever quit the fight,
Trusting what's in store.
Though faith and trust don't erase pain,
They do fuel existential gain,
And minus them you'll ne'er obtain
That sought-for Finish Line.
Though vic'try's blessing starts with you,
It comes down from a Friend that's true,
Whose power can lift, build, and renew,
And change your very vision.
Then press on through your preparatory
Stage, then wise, and filled with glory,
You'll someday guide another's story,
That's love's supremest mission (1).
Trapped!
I am trapped...
Imprisoned and
Held captive
Behind bars
Inside my brain.
Strapped to the tracks
Of an oncoming cerebral train,
Crying tearless tears of unrelenting pain.
While I can imagine that hope still exists,
My heart pounds and burns as I
Grit my teeth and clench my fists,
Trying to untie my stomach knots
And twists.
Squeezing my eyes shut
I silently scream!
While still clutching hold
Of my long-harbored dream
Of healing, freewheeling,
And dealing
A terminal blow
To the serial horror show.
As much as it smarts,
In my heart of hearts,
I know I have power
O'er life's delicate flower,
To hold on still longer
Through each crushing hour,
Yes somehow I know,
That I'll still scale the tower,
Through each small step forward,
My will makes the difference,
With God lifting still,
Though His help sometimes seems
Hell-bent to kill,
The last bit of life in my soul.
It's the great paradox
Of His saving Grace
At work.
But
Investing my best
I know
He'll do the rest
For He,
And me,
Yes we
Each have a key
To the double-locked cell
Of my captivity,
And someday,
In His own time
I
Will
Be
Free!
Consternated underneath
A soul that's ever burdened,
With all I am,
And all I'm not,
And all I yearn to be!
O please dear God do not forsake
My ever anxious mind,
Be always near me
Is my prayer,
And peace help me to find.
And yet, I seek not ever for
A terminus to trials,
My greatest friend
They tend to be,
I should embrace life's wiles.
Yes, give me full exposure to what
Will make me like Thee,
For that, dear God's
My fondest wish:
Thy Own dear Face to see.
Emotions are potions affecting my brain,
Emotions are notions that set off a train
Of thoughts:
Sometimes good,
And then equally bad,
Then circling 'round
Like a misguided fad,
Around and around,
They swirl fitfully,
Til I'm wound up inside
And plumb restless, you see,
It frustrates to know
That these passions are just
A falsified image—
A facadical crust,
That fails to provide me
With accurate feedback,
Of truth's whole completeness,
And sweetness doth lack.
No matter if my state is happy or glum,
My head winds it tight
As if wound round my thumb.
And desperately grasping,
I flail for the surface,
To free from unbridled thoughts
Worthless or priceless.
While throughout my soul,
I know deep down it's true,
That accurate measure
Fails to pass my view.
It's balance in all things
I surely must gain,
The stuff that wisdom brings,
I must now refrain
From seeing the world
Through a distorted lens,
And begin my peerage
I'll here make amends,
And learn to examine
The world as it is,
And then likewise program
My thoughts to align
Things the way that they are,
And re-route my ship,
To actually reach that star,
Then through patience and vigor
And focus and light,
My soul will grow bigger,
I'll find my true sight!
OCD:
What has it done for me?
Is it my friend?
Or my dark enemy?
The answer
You see,
Though I've
Oft been its slave—
Pathological knave!—
Made me crave for the grave,
Yet somehow
It managed to
Set
Me
Free!
Yes it does rather seem
That my nightmare extreme,
Sometimes guised as a dream—
And a good one forsooth!
For in truth
I behold,
That for brain hygiene's gold,
I must work hard to mine,
Spending mountains of time,
Sweating tears as I pine
Many years 'ere I find,
That the cure for my mind,
So oft plagued by the grind,
Is just like that gold,
Mixed betwixt all the old
Common, cheap, rocky ore,
Whose plentiful store
Hides all worth
Worth pursuing,
Investing,
Accruing;
There's no need for
Stewing,
For Freedom's
Now mine,
And ever can be
Into eternity
If I'll never
Forget
That the price
Involves sweat, and
Avoiding regret,
And that I'm only set
When I see I'm not yet.
And then rightly perceive
That in time I'll receive
A most pleasant reprieve
That's as grand, I believe
As it badly began,
As if Alchemy's claim
Held water—not sand.
So I'll keep on the fight,
Through each day,
And each night,
With a calm, tranquil might
That affirms I'm all right.
And ne'er e'er forgetting,
The puzzling piece
Of the pie
Peck calls Grace—
So truly amazing
To see it's pow'r
Razing
My mind's ills
All erasing.
Plus there's help from my pills,
My shrink,
And SAL to boot
But shoot...
What a pathetic
Hoot
I would be
On my own,
All though now I'm full grown,
And have carefully sown
Seeds of thoughtful decision,
Crafting nobly a vision:
Important!
Yes, all,
But lest I should fall,
I will never
Forget
The Source
That doth heal
With salve that is real—
As real as You,
And Me,
And OCD,
And the help,
And the cure—or
The management—
Here and
Now,
As I await its ultimate
Eradication
THEN...
By Him
As long as
I
Do
My
Part.
Click HERE to read about Dr. JJ's Past Experiences with OCD, Anxiety, and Depression.
—Dr. JJ
June 28, 2023
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA
Author's Note: This is the 330th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013 and the 153rd consecutive weekly blog published since August 31, 2020.
Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 329 FF Blog Articles
Click HERE for a complete listing of Freedom Focused SAL QUOTES
Click HERE for a complete listing of Freedom Focused SAL POEMS
Click HERE for a complete listing of Self-Action Leadership Articles
Click HERE for a complete listing of Fitness, Heath, & Wellness Articles
Click HERE for a complete listing of Biographical & Historical Articles
Click HERE for a complete listing of Current Events, Cultural, Philosophical, & Miscellaneous Articles
Click HERE for a complete listing of Dr. JJ's Autobiographical Articles
.........................
Tune in NEXT Wednesday for another article on a Self-Action Leadership related topic.
And if you liked this blog post, please share it with your family, friends, colleagues, and students—and encourage them to sign up to receive future articles for FREE every Wednesday.
To sign up, please email freedomfocused@gmail.com and say SUBSCRIBE, or just YES, and we will ensure you receive a link to each new blog article every Wednesday.
Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Jordan Jensen
Click HERE to buy the SAL Textbooks
Notes:
1. This poem's prosody was influenced by Edgar Allen Poe's, The Raven.
No comments:
Post a Comment