Psalms of Mental Malaise

Chapter 7

Psalms of Mental Malaise

As many of my readers already know, I have struggled with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and related anxiety and depression for over 30 years. 

Click HERE to read about Dr. JJ's Past Experiences with OCD, Anxiety, and Depression.  

Because these issues have been such a significant part of my life, it makes sense the subject would make its way into my poetry. This chapter shares these poems. In creating and composing them, I have striven to provide an authentic purview into both the horrors I have experienced as well as the hope I have found in help and healing. Since none of us are perfectly healthy mentally and emotionally, it is my hope that these poems might provide some measure of insight and inspiration to all who read them.  

Coarsely Crossed

Coarsely crossed, the angst-filled smart
Of agony did fill my heart.
An outgrowth of my humbling path,
Bedecked with the Refiner's wrath,
That ripped my soul and taxed my mind,
Beat me through life's unending grind,
That was ordained to make a king,
Who after night is o'er will sing
A thousand praises to the Cause,
That aided an end to my flaws,
As to the realms of royal right,
I will transcend the cold, dark night,
And gratefully begin to see
The road into eternity's
A path that starts and ends with He,
And all between depends on We.

Pain's Glory

Once upon a night so dreary,
Passing by all weak and weary,
My face cast down, my eyes a'teary,
Grappling firm with fate.

The moonlight pulsates through my heart,
As mind and soul consumes the tart
And bitter, wrenching, poignant smart
Of life's incessant grate.

When shall it end? I plead in tears,
This grating toil that spans the years?
The answer comes: not til all fears
Are vanguished 'neath His will.

And even then some shall remain,
For it's what outlines joy so plain,
The God's themselves still feel pain,
When humankind choose ill.

There is no other way to feel,
The holy joy that's just as real
As pain, this paradox reveals
There is no other way.

Then let us bear with all our might,
The angst and toil amidst life's plight,
And never ever quit the fight,
Trusting what's in store.

Though faith and trust don't erase pain,
They do fuel existential gain,
And minus them you'll ne'er obtain
That sought-for Finish Line.

Though vic'try's blessing starts with you,
It comes down from a Friend that's true,
Whose power can lift, build, and renew,
And change your very vision.

Then press on through your preparatory
Stage, then wise, and filled with glory,
You'll someday guide another's story,
That's love's supremest mission (1). 

Trapped

Trapped!
I am trapped...
Imprisoned and
Held captive
Behind bars
Inside my brain.
Strapped to the tracks
Of an oncoming cerebral train,
Crying tearless tears of unrelenting pain.
While I can imagine that hope still exists,
My heart pounds and burns as I
Grit my teeth and clench my fists,
Trying to untie my stomach knots
And twists.
Squeezing my eyes shut
I silently scream!
While still clutching hold
Of my long-harbored dream
Of healing, freewheeling,
And dealing
A terminal blow
To the serial horror show.
As much as it smarts,
In my heart of hearts,
I know I have power
O'er life's delicate flower,
To hold on still longer
Through each crushing hour,
Yes somehow I know,
That I'll still scale the tower,
Through each small step forward,
My will makes the difference,
With God lifting still,
Though His help sometimes seems
Hell-bent to kill,
The last bit of life in my soul.
It's the great paradox
Of His saving Grace
At work.
But
Investing my best
I know
He'll do the rest
   For He,
      And me,
Yes we
Each have a key
To the double-locked cell
Of my captivity,
And someday,
In His own time
I
   Will
      Be
         Free!

Consternated Underneath

Consternated underneath
A soul that's ever burdened,
With all I am,
And all I'm not,
And all I yearn to be!

O please dear God do not forsake
My ever anxious mind,
Be always near me
Is my prayer,
And peace help me to find.

And yet, I seek not ever for
A terminus to trials,
My greatest friend
They tend to be,
I should embrace life's wiles.

Yes, give me full exposure to what
Will make me like Thee,
For that, dear God's
My fondest wish:
Thy Own dear Face to see.

Unbridled Emotions

Emotions are potions affecting my brain,
Emotions are notions that set off a train
Of thoughts:
Sometimes good,
And then equally bad,
Then circling 'round
Like a misguided fad,
Around and around,
They swirl fitfully,
Til I'm wound up inside
And plumb restless, you see,
It frustrates to know
That these passions are just
A falsified image—
A facadical crust,
That fails to provide me
With accurate feedback,
Of truth's whole completeness,
And sweetness doth lack.
No matter if my state is happy or glum,
My head winds it tight
As if wound round my thumb.
And desperately grasping,
I flail for the surface,
To free from unbridled thoughts
Worthless or priceless.
While throughout my soul,
I know deep down it's true,
That accurate measure
Fails to pass my view.
It's balance in all things
I surely must gain,
The stuff that wisdom brings,
I must now refrain
From seeing the world
Through a distorted lens,
And begin my peerage
I'll here make amends,
And learn to examine
The world as it is,
And then likewise program
My thoughts to align
Things the way that they are,
And re-route my ship,
To actually reach that star,
Then through patience and vigor
And focus and light,
My soul will grow bigger,
I'll find my true sight!

A Two-Edged Sword

OCD:
What has it done for me?
Is it my friend?
Or my dark enemy?
The answer
You see,
Though I've
Oft been its slave—
Pathological knave!—
Made me crave for the grave,
Yet somehow
It managed to
Set
   Me
      Free!
Yes it does rather seem
That my nightmare extreme,
Sometimes guised as a dream—
And a good one forsooth!
For in truth
I behold,
That for brain hygiene's gold,
I must work hard to mine,
Spending mountains of time,
Sweating tears as I pine
Many years 'ere I find,
That the cure for my mind,
So oft plagued by the grind,
Is just like that gold,
Mixed betwixt all the old
Common, cheap, rocky ore,
Whose plentiful store
Hides all worth
Worth pursuing,
Investing,
Accruing;
There's no need for
Stewing,
For Freedom's
Now mine,
And ever can be
Into eternity
If I'll never
Forget
That the price
Involves sweat, and
Avoiding regret,
And that I'm only set
When I see I'm not yet.
And then rightly perceive
That in time I'll receive
A most pleasant reprieve
That's as grand, I believe
As it badly began,
As if Alchemy's claim
Held water—not sand.
So I'll keep on the fight,
Through each day,
And each night,
With a calm, tranquil might
That affirms I'm all right.
And ne'er e'er forgetting,
The puzzling piece
Of the pie
Peck calls Grace—
So truly amazing
To see it's pow'r
Razing
My mind's ills
All erasing.
Plus there's help from my pills,
My shrink,
And SAL to boot
But shoot...
What a pathetic
Hoot
I would be
On my own,
All though now I'm full grown,
And have carefully sown
Seeds of thoughtful decision,
Crafting nobly a vision:
Important!
Yes, all,
But lest I should fall,
I will never
Forget
The Source
That doth heal
With salve that is real—
As real as You,
And Me,
And OCD,
And the help,
And the cure—or
The management—
Here and
Now,
As I await its ultimate
Eradication
THEN...
By Him
As long as
   I
      Do
         My
            Part.

Click HERE to read about Dr. JJ's Past Experiences with OCD, Anxiety, and Depression.  

—Dr. JJ

June 28, 2023

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 330th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013 and the 153rd consecutive weekly blog published since August 31, 2020.   

Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 329 FF Blog Articles 

Click HERE for a complete listing of Freedom Focused SAL QUOTES  

Click HERE for a complete listing of Freedom Focused SAL POEMS   

Click HERE for a complete listing of Self-Action Leadership Articles

Click HERE for a complete listing of Fitness, Heath, & Wellness Articles

Click HERE for a complete listing of Biographical & Historical Articles

Click HERE for a complete listing of Current Events, Cultural, Philosophical, & Miscellaneous Articles

Click HERE for a complete listing of Dr. JJ's Autobiographical Articles

.........................

Tune in NEXT Wednesday for another article on a Self-Action Leadership related topic.  

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Notes: 

1. This poem's prosody was influenced by Edgar Allen Poe's, The Raven.

Winston Churchill: A One Man Show

Winston Churchill
1874-1965

Click HERE to watch Winston Churchill: A One Man Show — 

Written, Produced, and Directed

By:  Dr. JJ

As a lover of history, literature, leadership, and oratory, it is no secret or surprise that I am an ardent admirer of Winston Churchill, Great Britain's most famous wartime leader.

Churchill is a controversial figure in the eyes of many. Serving in politics as long as he did (62 years), he certainly made his share of errors, miscalculations, and misjudgements. In short, he was human, and as all of us homo sapiens know, even the very best among our human family is prone to err from time-to-time.

Nevertheless, at Freedom Focused, we strive to focus more on a person's virtues and achievements than their vices and failures. In so doing, we seek to cast judgment not on an individual's greatest mistakes, but on their noblest actions and the composite impacts of their many choices on the whole of their life and career, including one's overall influence for good on their fellow beings.

Viewed from this holistic and utilitarian perspective, it is impossible to not credit Churchill for not only his extraordinary personal character, energy, passion, vision, and work ethic, but for essentially saving the Western World from the iron grip of fascism and tyranny. Thus, anyone who lives and/or works in the West owes a debt of gratitude to this august lion of liberty.  

Suffice it to say, I'm a BIG FAN of the man and his legacy, and seek to promote the noble character traits he so capably cultivated and personified; character traits such as conscience, compassion, vision, discipline, diligence, determination, focus, and persistence.  

I've spent a good deal of time studying the life and career of Sir Winston Spencer Churchill. I've also spent time listening to his famous wartime speeches, whereby he, in the words of President John F. Kennedy: "mobilized the English language and sent it into battle."

Kennedy uttered these famous words in April 1963 at the tail end of Churchill's illustrious life. He did so at a special ceremony which was held in the flower garden of the White House to grant Churchill honorary U.S. citizenship status. This unusually prestigious honor has only been granted to eight (8) persons in the history of the United States, and CHURCHILL was the FIRST to be so honored.  

In context, Kennedy's words were thus:

"Whenever and wherever tyranny threatened, [Churchill] has always championed liberty. Facing firmly toward the future, he has never forgotten the past. ... serv[ing] all men's freedom and dignity. In the dark days and darker nights when England stood alone—and most men save Englishmen despaired of England's life—he mobilized the English language and sent it into battle. The incandescent quality of his words illuminated the courage of his countrymen." 

One of my favorite Winston Churchill quotes is: If the present tries to sit in judgment of the past, it will lose the future. 

Churchill on Horseback in military
uniform with a fellow soldier & officer.

"If the present tries to sit in judgment of the past,

it will lose the future." 

—Sir Winston Churchill

We live in an era where many have become so judgmental of the past that they miss out on the cornucopia of wisdom it holds. As Churchill so incisively suggested, such extremities do not bode well for our future. At Freedom Focused, we are proponents of Churchillian philosophy as it relates to history. In other words, we prefer learning from the past rather than judging it. In so doing, we do not ignore PAST sins, inequities, and injustices. Rather, we seek to rectify former errors while concurrently allowing the wisdom of history to inform our PRESENT actions. We are confident that this balanced approach will create the best and most just and virtuous FUTURE for all mankind.   

As the illustrious historian, Will Durant, so wisely put it:

"Intellect is ... a vital force in history, but it can also be a dissolvent and destructive power. Out of every hundred new ideas ninety-nine or more will probably be inferior to the traditional responses which they propose to replace. No one [person], however brilliant or well-informed, can come in one lifetime to such fullness of understanding as to safely judge and dismiss the customs or institutions of his society, for these are the wisdom of generations after centuries of experiment in the laboratory of history.

"So the conservative who resists change is as valuable as the radical who proposes it—perhaps as much more valuable as roots are more vital than grafts. It is good that new ideas should be heard, for the sake of the few that can be used; but it is also good that new ideas should be compelled to go through the mill of objection, opposition, and contumely; this is the trial heat which innovations must survive before being allowed to enter the human race. It is good that the old should resist the young, and that the young should prod the old; out of this tension, as out of the strife of the sexes and the classes, comes a creative tensile strength, a stimulated development, a secret and basic unity and movement of the whole" (1).

For this and other reasons, I have aimed—and will continue to strive—throughout my life and career to study, analyze, teach, model, promote, and proliferate history. Whether it is dressing up like a soldier in the Texas Army for my 9th Grade English classes in 2010, publishing historical blog-essays, or putting on a one-man show of Winston Churchill in 2023, I will continue to love and teach history until the day I pass into its annals myself.

  

A Young
Winston Churchill
Circa mid-1880s

Brief Biography of Sir Winston Churchill

Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill was born on November 30, 1874, at the tail end of the Victorian Era and the apex of Imperial Britain's military dominance and geopolitical power and influence. The close relationship he would someday share with President Franklin Roosevelt and the United States was presaged at his birth since his mother—Jennie Jerome—was a U.S. citizen whose ancestors had fought for American Independence with George Washington in the Colonial Army. Winston's father was Lord Randolph Churchill—a member of the British aristocracy who undulated between both major and minor roles in the British Government throughout his high-profile career.

Churchill in military dress

uniform while attending the

prestigious Royal Military

Academy at Sandhurst

It was to this mixed-nationality couple that Churchill was born into great privilege at Blenheim Palace, the opulent estate of his famous ancestor, the First Duke of Marlborough—one of the most famous soldiers and military leaders in English history, of whom Churchill would eventually become a biographer/hagiographer.

Click HERE to buy Marlborough: His Life and Times by Winston S. Churchill  

Despite entering the world in such a favorable life-station, Churchill consciously and intentionally chose to tread an independent, courageous, and entrepreneurial-esque journey through life whereby he did not dodge danger, difficulties, opposition, or rejection—all of which he could have largely avoided if he had so desired. This challenging and adventurous pathway included military schooling and service, combat experience in Africa (South Africa and the Sudan), Cuba, and India, and even capture by enemy forces in South Africa, followed by a heroic and legendary escape.

Winston (Dr. JJ)
and Clementine (Marie Pinschmidt)

In 1900, following many years of military adventures, Churchill was elected as an MP (Member of Parliament), a post he would hold for all but two of the next 64 years. 

In 1908, he married Clementine Hozier. He would cultivate a happy and successful marriage with his beloved "Clemmie" for the next 56 years—until Winston's death in 1965. Churchill's swift and meteoric rise to power within the British Government continued after he and Clementine tied the knot. Such success would not, however, remain unabated throughout his career, as attested by his difficult experiences during the First World War and later on in his "Wilderness Years" in the 1930s. During such down periods of his life and career, Churchill was prone to depression. He himself referred to his depressive episodes as his "Black Dog." 

Winston Churchill
as a young MP

In 1915, after the infamous Dardenelles debacle as First Lord of the Admiralty (Secretary of the Navy, U.S.), Churchill, in his early 40s at the time, was literally back-in-action as an Army Colonel commanding British Tommys on the Western Front in 1916. Perhaps no other single action of his long and storied life underscores his personal character, conviction, courage, and commitment than this dangerous, yet humble and honorable, response to his ignominious demotion following the Gallipoli disaster on the coasts of Turkey.

After World War I and during the 1920s, Churchill served in many important government posts, including Minister of Munitions, Secretary of War, Secretary of the Colonies, and Chancellor of the Exchequer (Treasury Secretary in the U.S.). The 1930s were a different story, with Churchill's party often out of power and himself denied repeatedly from filling significant posts. He spent a great deal of time on his many hobbies during these "Wilderness Years."

Prime Minister Churchill inspecting damage caused
by the Germany's Luftwaffe's "Blitz" in London in 1940

Such hobbies included reading, writing, painting, bricklaying, landscaping, and raising animals at his home at Chartwell in Kent. Much of his writing during this period was focused on warning Europe and the rest of the world about the rise of Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany. Initially written off as an alarmist, Churchill's ultimate prescience of the Nazi problem catapulted him back into power when it mattered most. This political renaissance began with Churchill's return as First Lord of the Admiralty in 1939, after a 24-year absence from the post. The following year, in May 1940, Churchill became the logical choice for Prime Minister following the inevitable resignation of Neville Chamberlain, whose policy of appeasement had failed and heaped embarrassment upon British and French diplomatic approaches to curb Hitler's warmongering and other imperialistic aims throughout Europe.

With Stalin and Roosevelt during World War II

Once he held the reins of power at 10 Downing Street, Churchill set to work immediately to galvanize support for his preferred policy of resisting Nazi aggression rather than capitulating to it. Upon successfully securing this support, he proceeded to rally his countrymen to the cause of "Victory ... at any cost... [and] however long and hard the road." His speeches, filled with conviction, commitment, and courage brought out the very best of the British people, their Commonwealth, and their Allies, thus paving the way to victory in the Battle of Britain and then later to total victory in World War II with the help of the United States and their Allies.  

Somewhat ironically, Churchill's party lost power immediately following the war, but he returned to 10 Downing Street as Prime Minister for a second time from 1951-1955. In 1953, during his second tenure as Prime Minister, he was Knighted by Queen Elizabeth. That same year, Churchill received the Nobel Prize for Literature—a formal tip-of-the-hat to his many achievements and prolific career as a writer. After three-and-a-half more years in office, he finally resigned and left 10 Downing Street due to advancing age and declining health.

Despite his deteriorating health, Churchill lived for another 10 years, spending most of his time at his home in Chartwell in Kent or vacationing on the French Riviera. He finally passed away on January 24, 1965, at the age of 90. Standing in the shadows of Arthur Wellesley (Duke of Wellington and hero of the Battle of Waterloo) and William Gladstone (a 4-time Prime Minister in the latter nineteenth century), Churchill received a rare State Funeral in London, which was preceded by a funeral procession of over 300,000 mourners who crowded the streets of London to get a final glimpse at the coffin of their beloved leader and hero.  

Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
1874-1965

Despite any controversies that persist over his many decisions and ideologies as a political and military leader, Churchill remains universally admired for leading the charge against Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany—his greatest and most famous feat and one for which the Western World will ever be grateful and grant homage.   

In my personal estimation, Churchill is one of the most honest, authentic, courageous, committed, energetic, talented, and vibrant—in short, one of the greatest—human beings who has ever lived. He was not perfect; none of us are! But as politicians go, he had wonderful integrity and stood consistently on his principle—even when he had to change his mind (or party) to uphold them. He also cultivated many quality relationships in both his personal and professional life, first-and-foremost of which being his marriage to his beloved "Clemmie."

For this and many other reasons, I never cease from being inspired by his remarkable life and legacy, which stood firm and undaunted for LIBERTY and FREEDOM, something I (and we) obviously strive so earnestly to uphold, promote, teach, and model at Freedom Focused. Thus, it is, that I have created this simple and brief, but heartfelt impersonalized tribute to my mentor and hero, Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill. 

Click HERE to watch Winston Churchill: A One Man Show  By: Dr. JJ.  

Note: I am an amateur actor with novice sound and video equipment and experience. Some may even find this performance a little cringe-worthy... at least I hope that is the case. As with other things I have said, written, and done on this blog over the years, it is no secret that I was "embracing cringe" long before Taylor Swift famously encouraged an audience of college graduates to be willing to do just that in their quest for authenticity and success. Rest assured, I'll continue to embrace cringe right up to the pinnacle of my profession and then even further up... "to infinity — and beyond!"  -Dr. JJ   

Click HERE to watch Winston Churchill: A One Man Show  By: Dr. JJ.  

        

—Dr. JJ

June 27, 2023

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 329th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013 and the 153rd consecutive weekly blog published since August 31, 2020.   

Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 328 FF Blog Articles 

Click HERE for a complete listing of Freedom Focused SAL QUOTES  

Click HERE for a complete listing of Freedom Focused SAL POEMS   

Click HERE for a complete listing of Self-Action Leadership Articles

Click HERE for a complete listing of Fitness, Heath, & Wellness Articles

Click HERE for a complete listing of Biographical & Historical Articles

Click HERE for a complete listing of Current Events, Cultural, Philosophical, & Miscellaneous Articles

Click HERE for a complete listing of Dr. JJ's Autobiographical Articles

.........................

Tune in NEXT Wednesday for another article on a Self-Action Leadership related topic.  

And if you liked this blog post, please share it with your family, friends, colleagues, and students—and encourage them to sign up to receive future articles for FREE every Wednesday.

To sign up, please email freedomfocused@gmail.com and say SUBSCRIBE, or just YES, and we will ensure you receive a link to each new blog article every Wednesday.  

Click HERE to learn more about Freedom Focused

Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Jordan Jensen

Click HERE to buy the SAL Textbooks

Notes:

1. Durant, W. & Durant, A. (1996). The Lessons of History. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks. Pages 35-36. 

Theosophical Odes

Chapter 6

Theosophical Odes

I have always been interested in and passionate about theology and philosophy. Theosophy is the place where these two fields converge. The poems in this chapter reflect my many musings on this hybrid subject.

Time

Minutes passing on like hours,
Hours moving past like days,
Days go slow as growing flowers,
Planted in an obscure maze.

Each day is like a lifetime,
Seeming to last just as long.
Each fresh 24's a new climb,
Scaling life's repeating song.

Then with seven lifetimes past,
I reflect back to the start,
Of my week that passed by so fast,
Streamlined as a cosmic dart.

Yet somehow a month goes faster,
And a year? Much quicker still.
Till a decade soon is past yon
Father Time's unyielding will.

Does a second hold a lifetime?
Or is a lifetime just a second?
And what of the in between?
It's all so paradoxic!

To Shady Groves I Wander

To shady groves I wander,
That I might sit and ponder
'Pon glorious thoughts and things,
And listen as the robin sings,
And other gifts God lushly brings
To me there as I sit.
So peaceful—
I just bask in it
While listening to the sound
Of the tumbling, churning, rushing,
Lively river on the ground,
Where I suppose I might just go

Alexandria Park
Bila Tserkva, Ukraine

To watch the glistening H20,
Church, turn, fission, fall, and flow,
And then stoop down to take a drink
To quaff my thirst,
Just then I think,
'Tis such a shame
I have to blink,
And miss for e'en a split-haired wink
The beauty
And the glory
Of
   It
      All!

I Went to the Woods to Ponder

When oft my mind grows worried,
Then I yearn for wooded groves,
How oft alone I've scurried,
To solitude in coves.

To country lanes I've hastened,
To lands whose heart I know,
My cares away are chastened,
And my troubles cease to grow.

I think I'll fly to that spot,
Where peace restores my soul,
Against sore troubles I'll plot,
And heart's resolve cajole.

There is no other respite,
That heals so soothingly,
My soul at times, when desperate—
Retreats alone with me.

Sonnet   By: William Wordsworth

The World is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our heart away, a sordid boon!
This sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The wind that will be howling at all hours,
Are are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not. Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn,
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea,
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.

Sonnet 17 

The world is not enough with me, NOW,
Too much time spent thinking and forecasting,
Trying too hard to see it all—blasting
The feelings and peace—I fail to allow
Real emotions, the wonder, the WOW,
The satisfied sense of sweat on my brow,
And pure joy—so spontaneous in my youth—
The unsullied acquisition of truth:
It moves me not! Great God, I'd rather be
A zealot, willing to fight and to die
For any just cause that might make me free,
Possessing the will to work and to try,
What e'er it may take through eternity
To gain the God granted privilege to fly.

A Newborn Seed of Hope

Alas! Amidst the toil and grind,
A precious thought lights up my mind,
A newborn seed of hope refined,
Sprouts up within my soul defined.

Whence sprang such light that shone so bright?
That sent me soaring into flight,
And changed to day what had been night,
After all those years of fright!

It shines from Him, and within me,
Yes together we will scale the sea,
The depths of life's adversity,
To win an epic victory!

The battle will rage hard and long,
And I'll cry tears between each song,
But now I know the right from wrong
And saved because Hope came along.

'Twas Many a Year Ago

'Twas many and many a year ago,
   As my mind doth recall,
That a young lad strove to show
   And rightly prove to all,
That faith, when rightly exercised,
   Could uncloak success disguised
As a fool's path withal.

Though haughty scoffs from friend and foe,
   Sought to mire the way I'd go,
Within burned bright the heavenly light,
   And helped my soul to know,
That pure integrity of mind,
   Was the virtue that defined
The obscure path: my show.

Who knew, but I, and God above
   What service I would render?
Or how despised would be the love
   That I would try to send her?
Yet now I feel to praise the Name
   Of He who shouldered so much blame,
Yet ever has been tender.

Now riches of the earth are mine
   In extravagant abundance,
And for naught at all my soul doth pine,
   But basketh in elegance.
And finds a mind and memory
   Enriched beyond prosperity,
Yet nothing came by chance.

By living as the universe
   Decrees, I found that I could please,
And help to lift aloft the curse,
   By bowing down upon my knees,
Wherein I asked God's greatest gift,
And then implored that He might lift
   Me up beyond this mortal tease.

Then shouldering myself the lot
   The Almighty assigned,
I went to work, and daily sought
   For God's own strength and mind.
Wherein, in time, I found that I
   Could likewise breach the starry sky,
And henceforth join all souls divine.

My journey's close will be to see,
   That all things are in front of me,
And the ending of my line
   Of mortal life, and strifes, a sign:
Of the beginning with the Lamb
   Where I'll see who I really am.

Amidst My High-Strung Furious Rush

Amidst my high-strung furious rush,

And constant angst I feel,

My body, mind, and spirit flush,

Beholding all that's real.

And though I often have my doubts,

And wonder if I'm headed right,

An inward spirit softly shouts:

That somehow I will win the fight.

And here and there and now and then,

I catch a blessed vision,

That makes me silently aware

Of God's Handwork and precision.
 

And how He orchestrates 'round me,

Each single last detail,

Such knowledge firmly sets me free,

I know I cannot fail.

As long as I maintain my will,

To follow him wherever

He prompts me forward fast until

I'll with Him in forever.  

Hurled Perils

When as a lad I did prepare

To set out in the world,

I did not know, was unaware,

The perils that would be hurled

Right straight toward me

As if they were

Ordained by God to beat

The ever living hell and pride

Right plumb straight out of me.

I've heard of gold and silver true,

Of pearls and diamonds few,

And learned how pure steel swords are made

By ham'ring them black and blue.

To make such gorgeous, precious things,

It takes such pressure as God brings,

To cremate and to crush,

All the flaky human fluff,

So that a goodly God,

Could one day say: "'tis enough!"

And when that sweet day arrives,

My finished soul will rise to thank

My Heavenly Refiner,

For crushing dross well night to death,

Till I attract a miner.  

How Paltry and How Petty

How paltry and how petty—

When compared unto the steady

And the perfect equilibrium

Of He who rules the Kingdom—

Are the boys and girls of Father,

Oh my! Why does He bother?

And give me such rapt attention,

And his focused condescension,

All the day through my contention,

As I piecemeal learn the order,

And the perfect pure perfection,

I am more apt to disorder,

And perhaps change the selection

Of my heart's truest desire,

So enraptured in the fire

Of a momentary passion,

That so soon doth lose its fashion,

Yet through all my mixed emotions,

With patience deeper than the oceans,

And His soft firm hand a-guiding,

All the while I am a-riding

Through the perils of this life,

Through the thick-and-thin of strife,

With a thousand things awry,

And life's chances passing by,

I gaze upward toward the sky,

Which suggests not low, but high,

Somehow sensing that it's worth it,

Let the sculptor sculpt this misfit

Child for whom He sees a stronger

Fate that surely will last longer,

And transcend by far the glory

Of my mortal, earthly story,

Upon which I will look back

Once I've finally got the knack 

Of living life as full as He,

Throughout all eternity,

I will see

Just how paltry

And how petty,

Just like meaningless confetti

Falling down for just a minute,

On a post-race M. Andretti,

Yet my whole life's caught up in it,

But to see it

Is to be it,

And the first real step 

To fre it:

My soul, that is

I'll see it

Sheltered surely from the storm,

Where He'll kindly keep me warm,

And send legions nigh to swarm

My dastard enemy within,

So that 'ere the night is through,

As I strive e'er to be true,

He'll redeem my soul anew,

Grant my eyes a clearer view

Of the things that I must do,

And my mind will He review,

And my willing soul imbue

With the courage

That's essential,

To transcend the existential,

Moving on towards my potential,

To rise

   Above

      It

         All.  

Sonnet 18  (The Nobler Virtues)

Courtesy, kindness, compassion, and love,

Courage and fortitude and chivalry:

Attributes emanating from above,

From Godly parents who love you and me.

Forthright forgiveness, repentance, and virtue,

Flawless integrity, a soul so pure,

A mind and heart as strong as they're true,

A faith and a confidence. I am sure

Of the outcome as I stay on this path,

Pressing forward without deviation,

Living my life as it really is: math,

Constantly seeking for revelation.

   Carving an integrated existence,

   From the marble block of life's consistence.  

Sonnet 19  (A King Once Asked)

A king once asked himself: wherein lies my strength?

In gold, in lands, in military might?

Perhaps dominion, or in my life's length?

Or skill and wit and brains and brawn and height?

But then I queried: what if all were lost,

When adverse fates blew briskly through the land?

Would I withstand the blow and pay the cost?

Would I still mark greatness upon the sand?

'Tis fickle the worth of palpable signs

Of greatness and glory and might's array,

At daylight's conclusion there's still the fines,

The piper of natural law we must pay.

   At last I see, the only real thing,

   Is when to the altar our will we bring (1). 

Sonnet 20  (Passage of Time)

Thanks be to God for the passage of time,

That life marches on to a welcomed grave,

Where at last we may hasten the sublime

Status of being in a new enclave

Outside of time—that fleeting enemy—

Which serveth death to each blessed moment

We would fain prolong through eternity.

When after every precious second sent

Away, lost, returns with divine interest

Into the holy coffers of the soul,

Wherein we may perpetually invest

In glory that ne'er dies, which doth cajole

   A sharpened focus of my use of time;

   That I, by spades, might yet summit the climb.

Cast Upon the Waves of Fate

Cast upon the waves of fate,

Cursing in my soul,

Pining for a rendezvous

With death's diverting toll.

Fearing full the earthen price,

Cowardly ashamed,

Shrinking 'neath the clamping vice,

Refusing to be blamed.

Pondering if leaving life,

Might calm the tempest's roar,

Would it bring an end to strife?

Or multiply it more?

'Tis a philosophic bramble

Fraught a'plenty with sharp thorns.

Wisdom begs I oughtn't gamble;

Just be glad that I was born.

Then search a way to wend my journey,

Through the perilous wastelands,

Avoiding transport on a gurney,

Or slipping fast in life's quicksands.  

Sir Galahad

Wherein Lies My Strength?

My strength is as the strength of ten

Because my heart is pure. (2)

My strength is as the strength of a hundred

Because my mind is focused and my body is bridled.

My strength is as the strength of a thousand

Because I am consistent and never quit.

My strength is as the strength of legions

Because I am God's child and

His eye, hand, heart, and power ever rest upon me.  

A Self-Despising Fate

I will never live to be the kind of man I want to be,
Until I turn my life to God and make my 'me' a 'We.'
Peace is what I'm missing from my poor pathetic life,
As I press on without Him, my soul's leprosy grows rife.

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I am a stupid human, I know not where to go,
I fail to be an arrow in God's quiver or on His bow.
What keeps me down and lost beneath these dark and dreary skies?
It all amounts to this: my fellow men I do despise.

I scorn them cuz I pridefully cannot uphold their way,
Disdaining so much of what they do and what they say,
But then an extra painful smart as I begin to see
And face up to the cold, dark truth: they are no worse than me!

And thus the lucid truth unveils, it's not just them I hate,
But also me, and I must face a self-despising fate!
My only hope's to make a change wherein new love I'll greet
Myself and others as I bow down humbly at His feet.

—Dr. JJ

June 21, 2023

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 328th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013 and the 152nd consecutive weekly blog published since August 31, 2020.   

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Notes:

1). Maxwell, N.A. (1995). Swallowed Up in the Will of the Father. LDS General Conference talk.  

"The submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar. The many other things we 'give,' brothers and sisters, are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God's will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give!"  

2. See lines 3-4 of Tennyson's poem, Sir Galahad.