Chapter 12
The Challenge and Quest to Become
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Three (3) acorns that had fallen from a
Mighty English Oak in suburban London, UK. |
"Our ordinary mind always tries to persuade us that we are nothing but acorns and that our greatest happiness will be to become bigger, fatter, shinier acorns; but that is of interest only to pigs. Our faith gives us knowledge of something much better: that we can become oak trees." (1)
—E.F. Schumacher
This is no ordinary self-help book.
Ordinary self-help books tell you what you must do to get something. They are typically transactional in nature, providing quid pro quo solutions to your problems (e.g. do this and you'll get that).
This Life Leadership textbook is different.
It is transformational.
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| A Mighty English Oak in suburban London |
My goal in writing it is to shift your focus from
getting something to
becoming something. (2) For those still concerned about
getting as part of your SAL efforts, you can put your mind at ease because there will be plenty of getting along the pathway of becoming!
Years ago I taught a series of professional writing seminars throughout England, Scotland, and Wales. During my time in Great Britain, I had a chance to behold the "Mighty English Oak"—that I had heard about all my life—for the very first time. The picture of the oak tree on this page is of one of these mighty English oaks; and the accompanying picture features three acorns that had fallen from this same tree.
I still have these acorns I scooped up off the ground underneath that mighty English oak that warm autumn afternoon in Merry old England. As I hold these acorns in my hand, I marvel at the profundity of their potential to become so much more than they are. Indeed, I feel a sense of holiness and reverence as I contemplate what those little seeds—smaller than my thumb—can potentially become.
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A Young Winston Churchill in uniform
at the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst |
Winston Churchill, arguably the greatest wartime leader in all of British (and Western) history, and a man known for his sharp and witty humor, once quipped: "We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glow worm."
"We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glow worm."
—Winston Churchill
I believe one of the key ingredients in Churchill's remarkable success as both a human being and leader was his conviction that his life mattered and his career was important and had meaning beyond a mere paycheck and health insurance policy. Fortunately, YOU and I don't have to be a Winston Churchill to believe this same thing about your own life and career.
The truth is that none of us are merely "worms," as Churchill's trademark wit so comically suggested; we are all infinitely more than that. A more apropos analogy than worms and glow worms is acorns and oak trees.
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It's great to be an acorn. But it's infinitely
greater to be an acorn-producing Oak Tree! |
Sadly, there are many acorns (people) who lack the vision that they can
become oak trees. Sadder still, there are those who have a vision of their potential, but do not believe they are capable of rising up to it. Saddest of all, there are those who both envision and believe in their potential, but for a variety of reasons, get distracted along the way and decide it isn't worth the price required to
become an oak tree. As a result, they settle for becoming what E.F. Schumacher referred to as "bigger, fatter, shinier acorns." (3) Instead of elevating their perspective, vision, intentions, and reality to
becoming an oak tree, these people prefer to focus on
getting material possessions,
getting praise and prestige of the world,
getting away with bad behavior, or doing the bare minimum to just
get by.
Acting in order to get something is not inherently dishonorable. To a certain extent we are all necessarily invested in this lower form of human activity. Acting in order to become, however, is a fundamentally different way of thinking, acting, and existing. It is a higher plan of human thought, speech, and behavior. For example, instead of habitually showing up late and doing just enough work to get paid and keep your job, a self-action leader shows up to work on time (or early), consistently gives their best effort, continually exemplifies personal integrity, helps their coworkers be successful, and eventually gets promoted.
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The base of a massive, solid OAK TREE
in suburban London, England |
When you think, speak, or act to
get something, you may obtain the object of your desire. But when you think, speak, and act to
become something, you gradually grow beyond acorn status and into a towering, majestic, and mighty oak tree. Your personal and/or professional growth, aided by Serendipity (i.e. sun, rainfall, fertilizer, time, etc.) transforms your very being into something greater and more substantive than it was before. In turn, you
become more free, influential, and powerful. You also
become a recipient of all the blessings, rights, and privileges that come with
being an oak tree
—privileges, rights, and blessings that are not afforded to acorns. Existential growth and freedom do not come automatically with the onward march of time. They are not "rites of passage." They must always be earned. This is why it is possible to meet a mature teenager or young adult whose outlook and behavior are existentially ahead of an aged retiree wasting away in a nursing home, whose physical feebleness is only exceeded by one's existential bitterness.
On the flip side, I have also met teenagers who were rebellious and ungrateful hellions and aged retirees who, despite their atrophying physical bodies, harbored much wisdom and radiated countenances that shone like the angels of heaven. The point of these comparisons is that the passage of time alone is never a guarantee of becoming. Knowledge, skills, wisdom, maturity, growth, success, happiness, freedom, and inner peace always come with a price, and no one is exempt from paying that price. Such desirable states of being do not come freely as a result of attaining a certain age or stage of life. That is why, in the words of Henry Miller:
If there will be any peace it will come through being, not having.
"If there be any peace it will come through being, not having."
—Henry Miller
Learning, studying, and applying SAL principles and practices over time has absolutely transformed my life. It has helped me to become someone far greater than I was before. Along the way, ignorance, awkwardness, and foolhardiness has been replaced with knowledge, wisdom, and poise. Fear has been swallowed up in courage and faith. Diffidence has given way to confidence as confusion and disillusionment has been transmuted into visionary empowerment and hurtful practices have been replaced with helpful habits.
None of this came fast or easy; as my dad taught me when I was growing up: things worth having never do. Indeed, a high price in sweat, toil, tears and years was required to realize much sought-after growth, progress, happiness, success, freedom, and inner peace. But it has come... and is still coming—a bit at a time, each and every day—and the difference is telling; just ask anyone who knew me 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, or 35 years ago. In a very real sense, I'm a different person than I was back then.
Where do you see yourself in a year?
How about five, 10, 15, 20, or thirty years into the future?
What are you doing right now as an acorn to gradually become an oak tree in the future? Regardless what may have transpired in your past, there is always hope fro the future. I am reminded here of the inspiring words of Tony Robbins, who pointed out that: The past does not equal the future.
"The past does not equal the future."
—Anthony Robbins
No matter how hopeless things may seem right now, you can always begin today to create a better tomorrow... for the rest of your life.
HABITS and the FOUR LEVELS of COMPETENCY
As human beings, we are creatures of habit. Depending on what our habits are, this can be a positive or a negative thing. Consider the following poem, an all-time favorite of mine:
Who Am I?
I am your constant companion.
I am your greatest helper or your heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am completely at your command.
Half the things you do you might as well turn over to me,
And I will do them quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed, you must merely be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want something done,
And after a few lessons I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of all great people,
And alas, of all failures as well.
Those who are great, I have made great!
Those who are failures, I have made failures!
I am not a machine;
Though I work with all the precision of a machine,
Plus the intelligence of a person.
You may run me for profit or run me for ruin;
It makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me,
And I will lay the world at your feet.
Be easy with me and I will destroy you.
Who am I?
I AM HABIT!
~ Anonymous
The process of becoming involves a step-by-step journey of developing positive and constructive habits while concurrently breaking and undoing negative and destructive ones.
The FOUR LEVELS of COMPETENCY model (4) provides an enlightening and useful framework for understanding the steps that lead to the creation of habits.
LEVEL 1: Unconscious Incompetence: You are unaware of your own ignorance of—and inability to do something.
LEVEL 2: Conscious Incompetence: You are aware of your own ignorance of—and inability to do something.
LEVEL 3: Conscious Competence: You possess a basic knowledge of—and growing ability to do something.
LEVEL 4: Unconscious Competence: You know and can do something without even thinking about it. A new habit has been formed and is fully operative.
REAL LIFE EXAMPLES of the FOUR LEVELS of COMPETENCY in ACTION
LEVEL 1: A kindergartner has never heard of algebra.
LEVEL 2: A sixth grader learns that he/she will take algebra in middle or high school.
LEVEL 3: A ninth grader enrolled in algebra 1 can solve algebraic problems with conscious effort and help from one's teacher.
LEVEL 4: A college student enrolled in calculus reflexively works through routine algebraic equations.
Have you ever been driving down the freeway and thought to yourself: "I have no memory of the last 20 miles; I must be a hazard on the road!" Assuming you have good driving habits and are well-practiced behind the wheel, you are, in reality, quite safe in the midst of these
seemingly extended "zoned-out" sessions. It's not that you aren't paying attention; you are simply driving on the highest level of competency (LEVEL 4). When you first got your driver's license, you could not drive on LEVEL 4; you had to practice and develop good habits until you could.
Chances are you spend a significant portion of your day operating on LEVEL 4, especially if you are an adult. Many of the activities that all of us perform are completed on a level of "unconscious competence." For example: breathing, eating, brushing your teeth, getting dressed, walking, doing the dishes, etc. Depending on the habits you have developed, this can be a good, or a not so good, thing, depending on the kind of habits you have developed.
Processes of Learning
Breaking old, negative habits and replacing them with new, positive habits requires self-awareness, focus, and repeated action. Most importantly, you must exercise the determination, patience, and persistence to not give up when the going gets tough.
To become, you must do.
But before you can do, you must know what to do. This means you must learn, and in order to learn, you must exert the effort to read, study, ask, and observe.
This three-step process provides a basic formula for becoming, as follows:
- To become, you must do.
- To do, you must learn.
- To learn, you must read, study, act, and observe.
This chapter identifies three different learning processes, all of which are vital to doing and becoming.
These processes are:
- Learning
- Relearning
- Unlearning
The first process—learning—refers to understanding something for the first time.
The second process—relearning—refers to reviewing something you learned in the past, but have forgotten about, or are not currently doing.
The third process—unlearning—refers to breaking a bad habit and replacing it with a new, more helpful habit.
Of the three learning processes, unlearning is typically the most challenging. This is due to the inherent difficulty involved in breaking an old, already ingrained habit, which requires that you go back to levels two and three after you are already used to performing a behavior on LEVEL 4. Backtracking levels of competency always forces you out of your comfort zone, which is usually an unpleasant place to find yourself.
The following exercise provides a simple example of why unlearning can be so challenging.
Step 1: Fold your arms.
Step 2: Notice which arm is on top (e.g. in the picture below, the man's RIGHT arm is on top).
Step 3: Now refold your arms by putting the opposite arm on top (e.g. in the picture below, the woman's LEFT arm is on top).
How does it feel to change which arm is on top?
Unless you are already accustomed to folding your arms both ways, it most likely feels awkward and uncomfortable to change how you fold your arms. When you first tried it, you may have even struggled to figure out how to do it the opposite way. After you finally got it right, did you think to yourself—or even vocalize—how strange or unusual it felt? Did you perhaps conclude that the new way was the "wrong" way? Or did you catch yourself going back to the old way so that it could feel "right" again?
With this exercise in mind, how many times do you think you would have to fold your arms in the new way (LEVEL 3) before the new way felt as normal as the old way originally did (LEVEL 4)? The answer to this question would vary from person-to-person. However, if you are like most people, it would take folding your arms in the new way for dozens, scores, or even hundreds of times before the new way felt as comfortable and "normal" as the old way—before a new habit is formed.
Have you ever known someone who broke a hand or lost an arm and had to learn to write with the other hand? In many cases, it takes weeks or even months of practice before a person can write as proficiently and neatly as they are accustomed.
Have you ever known someone who moved to a different country and had to learn how to drive on the other side of the road? If so, ask them how long it took to get used to driving on the opposite side of the motorway? Chances are good it took them several months to feel comfortable driving in the "new" way. And for many, the "new" way never becomes as easy as the "old" way, even if they spend years driving on the "new" side.
Such can be the difficulty of breaking an old habit and developing a new one.
I live in the southeastern United States. Many years ago, my wife and our newborn son and I spent 16 days on a business trip in Great Britain. Neither of us had ever driven on the left side of the road. My wife, Lina—bless her heart—did all the driving while we were there, but after dozens of hours of motoring all over the British Isles for over two weeks, it still had not become automatic for her to drive on the left hand side of the road, nor had her anxiety completely dissipated. Although we had a lovely trip, Lina was, at least from a driving standpoint, relieved to get back home to USA roads again.
Consider another example: buttoning your shirt.
Reflect for a moment on how you don a dress shirt. Do you button your shirt from the "bottom up" or from the "top down"? Or perhaps you do neither because you start in the middle and work "up and down."
I remember the day I learned there were people in the world that buttoned their shirt from the "bottom up." Silly as it might sound, as a "top-downer," I was flabbergasted to discover there were people in the world who were "bottom-uppers"!
"Why in the world would someone button their shirt from the "bottom-up?" I queried. "That's silly!" I thought to myself. My next response—a very natural one, I might add—was to conclude that buttoning one's shirt from the "bottom up" was the "wrong" way. After all, that is not the way that I do it. Such a sentiment is, of course, complete nonsense! Nevertheless, it just goes to show the erroneous nature of some of our natural inclinations as human beings.
The morning after learning of the existence of "bottom-uppers," I curiously attempted to try it their way. You probably won't be surprised to hear that it took me several times longer to button my shirt that day!
These simple examples and exercises illustrate the inherent difficulty in breaking old habits and replacing them with new ones. Doing so, however, is possible; and the keys to your success are simple, but not easy.
The keys to success are: REPEATED PRACTICE and DETERMINATION.
Training yourself to do something new is often challenging; but training yourself to do something in an alternative way than you are accustomed to can prove downright devilish in its difficulty. Thankfully, the words "difficult" and "impossible" are not synonymous terms. We can change bad habits and replace them with good ones.
In fact, the possibility of changing your own nature and inclinations lies at the very root of Self-Action Leadership.
Changing habits—including natural inclinations with which you were born—is made possible by the malleable nature of our neurological systems. As a human being, we all have something animals do not, and that is the capacity to examine our inclinations and behavior to determine whether they are the kind of inclinations and behaviors we actually want to have and exhibit.
Thanks to your prefrontal cortex (or frontal lobe)—the part of your brain that regulates behavior, engages in social and moral reasoning, and is responsible for planning and decision making—YOU have the power to consciously and intentionally alter deeply ingrained habits and inclinations
over time.
If you persist in making desired changes, those alterations can eventually develop into new, positive habits that, in time, become as deeply ingrained as your old, negative, and undesirable habits once were.
This is the GOOD NEWS of SAL; it is also the miracle of humanity—a power to which the rest of the animal kingdom is simply not privy. It is one of the primary phenomena that places human beings on a fundamentally higher existential plane than animals and plants.
How long does it take to get rid of a bad habit or negative natural inclination and successfully replace it with a good habit or positive natural inclination?
Good question!
It has been said that it takes 21 days of consistently exercising a new action for that behavior to become a habit. Other will suggest various other amounts of time and effort.
The truth is that it totally depends.
This is because many variables are at play in the formation of a habit. For example:
- How long ago was the habit formed?
- How often do you engage in the habit?
- How addictive is the habit?
- How deeply ingrained is the habit?
Likewise, many variables are at play in the attempt to break a habit. For example:
- What environmental (i.e. circumstantial and situational) factors are at play?
- How great is your desire and will to actually alter your thoughts, speech, and behavior involved in the habit?
- How great is your determination to persist through negative inertia, temptation, and failure?
- How willing are you to accept help from others?
- How willing are you to open yourself up to Serendipity along the way?
Suffice it to say, some habits are more easily broken, altered, and reformed than others. For example, if your home loses power in a storm, you will probably retrain yourself stop flipping the light switches after three-to-five failed attempts. On the other hand, if you have smoked cigarettes for 20 years, you aren't likely to break the nicotine habit after resisting your first three-to-five cravings.
When I endeavored to stop sucking my finger at age 10, it took two-to-three years before I stopped craving the addiction. (5) Despite the difficulty of breaking the habit, I am very grateful I persevered because it would be quite embarrassing if I was still sucking my finger in my mid-forties!
As a self-action leader, YOU always have choices to make regarding the habits and orientations you will cultivate in your life and career. What habits are you presently choosing to nurture? What consequences will arise from your present choices? Are these the consequences you desire in the long run? We could all benefit from asking ourselves these questions on a regular basis throughout our lives.
At best, life in this world is not easy.
In many ways, it can prove devilishly difficult.
Yet its greatest beauties and opportunities usually lie on the other side of our greatest trials and troubles. But you have to be willing to both travel and endure the journey that takes you to the far side of adversity. If you just sit there—or worse, lie down and give up—life will continue to thrash you over-and-over-and-over again.
Don't let negative inclinations and bad habits beat you up and keep you down. In the ongoing battle against life's many trials,
decide and
determine today that whatever the cost, you will eventually emerge as the victor.
In discussing the subject of meeting and defeating adversity, I am always inspired by the incisive observation of Cavett Robert, said that: Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you and you alone to decide.
"Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or
polishes you up is up to you and you alone to decide."
Who Am I?
Who am I?
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
What is my life's ultimate purpose?
These questions rank amongst the most important questions you can ever ask yourself. Arriving at positive and productive answers that deeply resonate with your mind, heart, and spirit ranks among the greatest accomplishments you can possibly achieve as a self-action leader.
In conjunction with figuring out who you really are, it is equally important to discover who you really aren't. Many people live their entire lives deluding themselves about who and what they really are and/or aren't. We have all made this mistake to varying degrees; I know I have!
For example, I once believed I was destined to be an Olympic Gold Medalist and a professional basketball player. As lofty and potentially noble as those aspirations may have been, neither goal turned out to be realistic for me to pursue. Other ambitions I held as a boy included becoming a concert pianist, learning multiple foreign languages, and even being elected President of the United States, none of which I came even close to realizing, in large part because I discovered over time that I was poorly suited for piano, politics, and languages other than English.
As a boy, there were few limits to my youthful ambitions. From a sanitation engineer (garbage man), heavy equipment operator, builder, plumber, electrician, engineer, architect, lawyer, broadcast journalist, professor, actor, director, and psychologist, I wanted to be just about everything at one-time-or-another.
In the end, I discovered that none of these career paths were right for me.
As a teenager I often felt frustrated because I didn't know exactly what I wanted to be "when I grew up." As a young adult attending college, I still didn't know what I wanted to major in until I was nearly finished with my general course work (the halfway point). Even after I graduated with my bachelor's degree, I struggled for many years gaining clarity about my long-term professional objectives.
Discovering who I really am has been a long, laborious, and often confusing journey; and is by no means a finished business! Along the way I had to fight valiantly against external forces and voices that sought to discourage me or pull me down. I also had to face a measure of my own self-doubts. In the end, I was able to unlock my authentic identity with a clarity that has undergirded every meaningful achievement in my life and career to date.
It is incredibly illuminating and empowering to know who you really are.
Knowing who I am has enabled me to create, organize, and polish this Life Leadership textbook. This incredibly valuable self-knowledge provides me with untold lucidity and vision concerning the purpose of my life and the power of my possibilities to achieve both personally and professionally and contribute meaningfully to the lives of others all along the way.
Who are YOU?
You will never realize the full scope of your authentic potential until you know who you really are—as well as who you really aren't.
I sincerely hope that this Life Leadership textbook will serve you in a meaningful way along the pathways of your
own exciting and essential journey through
this life, which leads to those picturesque peaks and verdured valleys that exist on the far side of your current crises and crucibles.
However challenging—or even impossible—your life might seem right now, I promise you that there is always HOPE for a better and brighter future. And its worth whatever time and effort may be required to travel through your trials to the promised land that awaits on the other side. I reiterate here the inspired words of Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., who so wisely discovered the desirability and value of the simplicity on the far side of complexity. Said he: I wouldn't give a fig for the simplicity on this side of complexity; but I would give my right arm for the simplicity on the far side of complexity.
"I wouldn't give a fig for the simplicity on this side of complexity;
but I would give my right arm for the simplicity on the far side of complexity."
—Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
- Who are you?
- Why are you here?
- Where are you going?
- What is the purpose of your life?
- What do you believe your ultimate potential is in your:
- Education?
- Career?
- Relationships?
- Life legacy?
—Dr. JJ
Wednesday, March 13, 2024
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA
Author's Note: This is the 379th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013 and the 190th consecutive weekly blog published since August 31, 2020.
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Chapter 12 Notes
1. Schumacher, E. F. (1977). A Guide for the Perplexed. New York, NY: Perennial.
Page 135.
2. Oaks, D.H. (2000). The Challenge to Become (Speech).
3. Schumacher, E. F. (1977). A Guide for the Perplexed. New York, NY: Perennial. Page 135.
4. The Four Levels of Competency model was developed by Noel Burch at Gordon
Training International in the 1970s.
5. See BOOK THE SECOND, Chapter 2: A Formula for Change for an account of
breaking my finger-sucking habit at age ten.
