Showing posts with label Ella Wheeler Wilcox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ella Wheeler Wilcox. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 25, 2026

The Art of Being Alive

 

Chapter 4


The Art of Being Alive






"The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself."

"The world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. 

Forget yourself." 

Henry Miller


The year 1914 marked the tragic beginning of the Great War, known more commonly today as World War I

Ironically touted as "The War to End All Wars," this global conflagration of unprecedented proportions introduced the first war waged on an industrial scale. It ushered in the deaths of millions of soldiers and civilians throughout Europe and beyond and changed the world forever.  

The same year this great conflict began, the American poet—Ella Wheeler Wilcox—penned an ironic rebuttal to the topic of death in the form of a book she entitled: The Art of Being Alive: Success Through Thought.  

In her book, Wilcox lamented that only one person in a thousand is truly "alive." The eloquence and meaningfulness of her rich prose prompted me to reprint a portion of her message verbatim below, as follows:

"To be really alive means more than to be a moving, breathing, eating, drinking, and talking human creature.  

"He who is actually alive finds ... life itself a continual adventure, an unfolding panorama, with opportunities for pleasure and achievement at every turn. ...

"The [person] who is really alive realizes that he must use his own position in the world, and his own environment, as the first field of action if he hopes to reach success in any venture. He must not wait for luck or a miracle to give him a change of location and better surroundings better suited to his taste. Out of whatever destiny has bestowed upon him he will make the conditions which he desires.  

"And out of every earth day he will make a little bit of heaven. 

"No difficulty can discourage, no obstacle dismay, no trouble dishearten the man who has acquired the art of being alive. ... [He] finds pleasure in the simplest things; and to him nothing is commonplace, nothing is menial. ...

"If you are bored with life and work, if you think the years of youth alone are happy years, if you believe sentiment and romance are evanescent feelings, if you find daily life commonplace, if you imagine you are too old or too busy to make something worthwhile out of your opportunities, then you are not alive. ... You merely exist. And you are losing your wonderful chance to utilize for the good of the world and for your own good, here and hereafter, these golden days by a knowledge and use of the Divine Will in yourself.

"Are you alive?" (1)

I have spent the past 24 years writing and re-writing this comprehensive Life Leadership textbook in hopes of lighting the torch of "divine will" within every "crude chunk of eternity" (2) whose eyes and hands happen to fall upon the pages of this work, that perhaps the human race might come more fully alive in all the most positive and productive ways in which we are often lacking in more common hours and times.

At Freedom Focused, our goal is to assist YOU in becoming a "reverent and aspiring adventurer," a traveler who is empowered to unlock the all of the "pleasures, powers, possibilities, and achievements" freely available to you—if you will but see them and seek them out with more vibrancy, vigor, and vim. (3) In short, we seek to help the ONE out of every thousand to further burnish his or her meteoric rise and brilliant influence—while concurrently assisting the other 999 to become more like the one

Emily Dickinson
1830-1886
If YOU are, or at least feel, more ALIVE for having read this comprehensive Life Leadership textbook, then I have not written it in vain—and you are not living in vain.    

Not in Vain

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain:
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain. (4)

Emily Dickinson

From one self-action leader to another, here's to doing more than just living; here's to becoming increasingly ALIVE as your life flies by with accelerating alacrity. Here's to YOU and your incomprehensible potential. 

And now I say to YOU what British citizens have declared to their royal monarchs for centuries: 

God save the King!

     God save the Queen!

For I declare unto YOU that you are a King or Queen in embryo, opportunity, and training. Do not waste away or sell your noble birthright.

Embrace it, 

    Enhance it, and

        Invigorate it!  

Live without regrets. 

Choose to become one of the relatively few who can truly say at the end of the day, year, decade, or life:

"I left it all on the track." 

    "I crossed the finish line." 

        "And the victory is mine!" 


SAL  MANTRA

Finish Strong... and Live Without Regrets.


The Finish Line

In BOOK the FIFTH, Chapter 35, I shared a poem entitled, The Finish Line, which I had composed at Ferris High School in Spokane, Washington during my senior year of high school (grade 12). 

Years later, I penned a sequel and named it: The Finish Line: Part II

The first poem sought to prosodically capture some of the anxiety, fear, and trepidation I felt about "The Race" (my life) and the various challenges I faced at the time, including severe OCD and its accompanying anxiety and depression. 

The second poem aimed to capture some of the glory, gratitude, and hope I felt after having utilized SAL and Serendipity to make several significant alterations and improvements to my mental health, personality, and life over time.  

I now share this sequel poem with YOU in hopes of further convincing you that positive changes and Existential Growth are worth any price you may have to pay in time and effort along the way.  



The Finish Line: Part II

The day was won,
As many had,
Another gained—
A glorious fad!

Won, yet I,
Not really through,
Still saw new dangers
Lurking true.

And yet,
Such hope did fill my soul:
For to realize
The dragons
God and I had slain,
Empowered me and
Gave me rest.

And with my newfound
Strength and power,
I'll boldly take on each new hour,
Resolved beyond the tempter's snares,
I am equipped to meet all cares.

And so prepared,
And thus empowered,
My sword—once set in stone's—
Allowed to be drawn forth
To help me fight,
And race,
To win,
And make it
Through the night
First Place
In the most important
Race of all—
The one that pits me
Against me
And Existential Gravity—
That I might
Each day
Stand boldly up
and humbly say:

"As time moves on,
I will keep on...
And on...
And on...

To cross
Each Finish
Line." 

JRJ


The Precious Value of TIME

In this world, TIME is the material of life and the currency of living. 

As such, its precious and incomparable value is self-evident. Indeed, "The Power of Now" is a sufficiently compelling concept to have become the title of a bestselling book. (5)

Serious self-action leaders understand the value of time and invest great effort and focus on its wise allocation and expenditure.

As you reflect upon how you are presently using your own gift of time, I invite you to read the following two quotes and a poem—and then consider what improvements you might make moving forward in the area of time management, which, is really nothing more than Life Leadership on a minor scale.    


"Dost thou love life? 

Then do not squander time;   
For that's the stuff life is made of." 

Benjamin Franklin



"Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such." 

Henry Miller



The Sun-Dial at Wells College

FOR THE CLASS OF 1904
The shadow by my finger cast
Divides the future from the past:
Before it, sleeps the unborn hour,
In darkness, and beyond thy power:
Behind its unreturning line,
The vanished hour, no longer thine:
One hour alone is in thy hands,—
The NOW on which the shadow stands. (6) 

March, 1904
Henry Van Dyke


The Freedom and Power of the Individual

Men and women, boys and girls often forget—or fail to fully comprehend—the liberty and potential they possess as individual self-action leaders. This ignorance and/or forgetfulness inhibits their freedom and power. This is perhaps especially evident and glaring in democratic societies where it is commonplace for half or more of the populace to refrain from exercising their liberty, opportunity, and power to VOTE. 

A man or woman who refuses to exercise this precious liberty and personal power has no business critiquing, much less criticizing, those who are elected to public office and the policies and laws they choose to enact and/or enforce. Failing to exercise such a priceless liberty inhibits the freedom of the individual who neglects this vital civic duty—and the populace who shares in any negative consequences empowered by his or her muted voice.  

Speaking in an address to college students in the Intermountain United States in the mid-1940s, shortly after the end of World War II, one teacher and leader—J.F. Smith—put it this way: 

"We accuse leaders and we say the leaders have led us astray. ... But, let it be said that before people can be led, in the beginning they have got to be willing to be led. And, I am a firm believer that any group of people get just about the leadership it deserves. I am a firm believer that when in our own country statesmanship falls down and leadership is ineffective, it is due directly to the individuals in the United States who have allowed that leadership to come into power. The peace of the world rests upon the individuals of the world." (7)

Part of being truly alive is awakening to the innate liberty and potential freedom and power you possess as an individual self-action leader. Again, in the words of J.F. Smith:

"Not infrequently you hear this: 'What can I do to help world peace? Here I am, one lone, miserable individual. I cannot have any influence. I cannot do anything which will help. I am powerless.' That, of course, is just nonsense, for the peace of the world rests upon the collective individuals in the world; it does not rest upon nations; it rests upon individuals in those nations. ... Do not think your lives are unimportant. Do not think for a moment that you can exert no influence because you are young or because you are few. We have got to get away from the notion that quantity is the important thing in influence. You know you can go into the laboratories in this campus and you will find that very minute amounts of particular substances can exert tremendous influences. ... One individual courageously choosing one's own conduct in the face of all odds, doing right, can exert a tremendous influence. ... Let us choose so that every event that comes into our lives will be enriching so that we will be bigger than any event, come whatever calamity may. ... We can have freedom each in his own sphere." (8)

While no single individual can do everything or solve all problems, every individual—including YOU and me—can do something to work on solutions to problems within one's immediate sphere of influence—and beyond. 

The challenge that SAL offers to YOU, me, and everyone else in this world is not to fix the world.

The challenge that SAL offers to YOU, me, and everyone else in this world is to fix your, my, and their world.

By simply fixing up your own individual worlds—one thought, word, and deed at a time—you position yourself to make the world a better place by a factor of your own personal improvement, development, and growth. 

Just imagine what would happen if everyone stopped pointing their fingers at external people and things and instead re-invested that same time, energy, and effort on internal change, improvement, and growth. 

What would happen if that actually occurred? 

ANSWER: We would literally change the world... one person-at-a-time—all at the same time!   

You cannot, of course, control what others think about, say, or do. But, YOU can control what you think about, say, and do. As you choose to focus more fully on what you can control, rather than wringing your hands over what you cannot, YOU will truly change the world as a self-action leader.  

And you will become more fully ALIVE in the process!  



SAL  MANTRA

No one can do everythingBut, everyone can do something!



Dream Big

In 1922, the poet Langston Hughes wrote a poem about the importance of having dreams for the future. His simple and beautiful 8-line, 2-stanza piece of verse ranks among my all-time favorite poems.   

DREAMS

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow. 

Langston Hughes

I was first introduced to this masterpiece when I was just in grade school—which is when and where I began having my own dreams about the future. 

One of the most significant dreams I have held for many years is to complete the book you now hold in your hands. The fact that YOU are reading this book at this present moment is proof that many of my dreams have come true.  

I believe in having dreams. 

    I also believe in dreaming BIG.  

        I encourage YOU to go and do likewise.  

JJ with his maternal aunt, Ruth Smith Silver
at her home in Denver, Colorado.
2012
However, in the process of dreaming, it is wise to temper your expectations with certain realities that place various limitations upon all of us in this world. 

In the course of tempering my own BIG DREAMS with reality, I have often been inspired by a quote I learned from my dear maternal aunt—Ruth Smith Silver. 

When I was still a young man, this precious woman—who so graciously and generously granted me the gift of both her time and financial resources to love me and help me succeed over the years—taught me a great truth when she said: "Jordan: you can have anything you want in life; but, you cannot have everything you want in life."


"You can have anything you want in life. 

But, you cannot have everything you want in life." 

Ruth Stanley Smith Silver


This incredibly insightful quote, while not literally true in every particular—contains a wealth of generalized wisdom and a reminder that while all of us should dream big and aim high in our lives, we should simultaneously recognize our mortal limitations, carefully focus our finite time and energy, and conscientiously guard against our own base inclinations toward greed, lust, and pride.  

As a human being and self-action leader, YOU are capable of truly remarkable things in your life and career. But, you cannot do or have everything. Therefore, you must choose what it is that you really want most and then remember that if you choose one thing, you cannot simultaneously choose another, and vice-versa.  

Likewise, if you choose to pursue and embrace one lifestyle, you cannot choose a different lifestyle at the same time. 

Moreover, when you choose to spend your time in one way, you are simultaneously choosing not to spend your time in an infinite number of others ways. 

Hence...

    CHOICES really matter!  

So, choose wisely...

And never forget that every choice, endeavor, and lifestyle you pursue in your life and career will carry consequences that lie outside of your control. 

When you consider how finite your time and energy is in this life, what you choose day-in and day-out throughout your life really does matter—a lot.

In fact, it makes all the difference in the end; because your decisions really do determine destiny.


SAL  MANTRA

Decisions Determine Destiny





In Your Journal

    • Make a list of the "small things" in your life that bring you peace, satisfaction, happiness, or joy.
    • What is one thing you could do on a daily basis that would help you to feel more alive?
    • How does your management of time relate to your personal confidence and self-esteem?
    • What is one simple action you have been avoiding that, if regularly done, would significantly increase the quality of your life, career, and relationships?  
    • What is one thing you could do today (or this week or month) that would leave the world a better place because of your action?
    • What can you personally do to increase the likelihood that honest, fair, just, wise, and statesmanlike leaders ascend to positions of power in your organization, community, region, state, nation, or world?  
    • What are some of your greatest hopes and dreams for the future?


    Dr. JJ

    Wednesday, February 25, 2026
    Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA


    Author's Note: This is the 507th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013 and the 293th consecutive weekly blog published since August 31, 2020.   

    Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 506 FF Blog Articles

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    Chapter 4 Notes 

    1.  Wilcox, E.W. (1914). The Art of Being Alive: Success Through Thought. Google Books edition. New York, NY: Harper & Brothers Publishers. Pages 2-6.

    2.  Ibid. 

    3.  Ibid.  

    4.  Cook, R.J. (Editor). (1926). One Hundred and One Famous Poems: With a Prose Supplement. Google Books edition. Chicago, Illinois: The Cable Company. Page 30.

    5.  Tolle, E. (1999). The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Novato, CA: Namaste Publishing / New World Library.  

    6.  Dyke, H.V. (1927). Chosen Poems by Henry Van DykeGoogle Books edition. New York, NY: Charles Scribner’s Sons. Page 325.

    7.  Smith, J.F. (1945-6). Public address on Freedom to students at Brigham Young University on an unknown month and day following V-J day in the year 1945 or 1946.

    8.  Ibid.  

    Wednesday, September 4, 2024

    REFINING Stage


    Chapter 15


    REFINING Stage




    LAYER 4:  MESOSPHERE

    The Mesosphere extends beyond the upper limits of the Stratosphere to about 50 miles (80 kilometers) above the surface of the Earth. Temperatures drop dramatically as you rise higher into the Mesosphere, making it the coldest place in all of Earth's atmosphere.

    This layer is too high for airplanes, hot air balloons, and other Earth-bound flying contraptions, but too low for orbiting satellites. It is, therefore, a difficult level for meteorologists and scientists to explore and study. 


    LEVEL 4:  Refining Stage 

    Refining oil is a complex process that involves
    complicated machinery and engineering. 
    Like the Mesosphere, the Refining Stage is complicated, difficult to navigate, and mysterious. It is, in short, one of the most challenging and painful stages of all.

    Your initial entrance into the Refining Stage may occur against a backdrop of some significant personal or professional achievement, success, or milestone. 

    For example, you may have finally graduated from college or trade school, received a graduate degree, earned a significant promotion at work, or just started a new business or entrepreneurial venture. 

    This "Victory" in the Practitioner's Stage was probably marked outwardly by a measure of pomp and circumstance, excitement, celebration, personal satisfaction, and possibly even public praise and adulation. 

    Graduation is exciting and should be celebrated!
    But remember that it is more of a beginning than it is an ending. 
    Don't be fooled by these moments of temporary triumph. Instead, follow the advice of Rudyard Kipling and train yourself to treat the twin "imposters" of "Triumph and Disaster" the same. (1)  

    Kipling's advice is sage, but not easily accomplished; it takes practice! But all self-action leaders must eventually learn this vital skill that comes with existential development and maturation.

    Part of the difficulty of the Refining Stage stems from the stark contrast presented by this "High" point of victory, which is then followed up by a significant loss, or worse: a series of ponderous and soul-wrenching trials that follow one after the other for an extended period of time.

    The celebration and praise that attends graduating from the Practitioner's Stage into the Refining Stage is usually a positive and satisfying experience. However, it does not mean that your trials are over; far from it, in fact.

    In reality, it is more akin to the "Calm before the Storm" phenomenon observed in weather patterns, including thunderstorms, tornados, and in the case of a hurricane—the passage of the hurricane's eye in the middle of the tempest. Your temporary "Win" is merely a positive prelude to the fiery blasts of heat and pressure that accompany unanticipated adversities awaiting you in the Refining Stage.  

    Many people naively enter this stage of their existential journey with high hopes that their troubles are now behind them—only to discover that their greatest challenges still lie ahead!

    This realization may initially lead to profound disappointment, disillusionment, and a measure of discouragement—all of which is common, justified, and understandable.

    Such adversity should not, however, be used as an excuse to give up—although many will decide to do just that.

    But not self-action leaders!

    While this is unquestionably a time of rude awakenings, set-backs, failure, rejection, and being ignored, it should never lead to capitulation or surrender.  

    A literal refiner's fire is hot enough to boil steel. Such intense heat is required to both purify and strengthen iron ore and other precious metals as they are melted, shaped, pounded, and then polished into finished products that are attractive, useful, and resilient. Such heat (adversity) is absolutely necessary to eliminate impurities and weaknesses that exist in precast ore.

    Likewise, the agonizing, but crucial metaphysical refining process necessitates a certain amount of discomfort and pain. Thus, in many cases, authentic Existential Growth simply cannot occur without suffering.   

    The intense metaphysical heat found in the Refiner's Stage has the potential to produce the same effect on YOU as a self-action leader as the intense physical head found in an actual refiner's fire—although it can only accomplish these designs with your willing consent.

    Herein lies a great irony: Life is going to provide you with refining opportunities whether you like it or not and whether you want them or not. But whether it changes you in developmental and positive ways is entirely dependent upon how you choose to respond to the adversity.

    In other words, it is up to YOU—and you alone—to decide whether you will allow these trials (and the concomitant pain) to make you BETTER, or bitter. Either way, you are going to face the refining process and the agony that accompanies it. As such, it does make a lot of logical sense to choose to move forward in faith and grow from it rather than stand still and curse it.   

    If you are going to suffer no matter what, why not do everything in your power to make the suffering meaningful and productive; to make "an inner decision" to turn it into "an inner triumph." (2)

    Fyodor Dostoevsky once coined a phrase to describe such mature and noble responses to human suffering. His words may be postured as a question as follows: "Are you worthy of your sufferings?" (3)   

    Some examples of trials you may encounter in the Refining Stage include:

    • Job layoff
    • Breakup or divorce
    • Bankruptcy
    • Loss of car, home, or other significant material or financial setback
    • Severe personal or professional disappointment, failure, or rejection
    • Serious physical illness or injury
    • Onset of (or relapse into) addiction, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), nervous breakdown, or other mental, emotional, or social illness or malaise.
    • Crisis of self-confidence and inner security
    • Battling through an ethical, moral, spiritual, existential, familial, or other crisis.
    • Death or serious (extended) illness of a loved one
    • Feeling trapped in the "Existential Vacuum." (4)


    What is the "Existential Vacuum" you ask?

    According to Viktor Frankl, "the existential vacuum manifests itself mainly in a state of boredom." (5) In employing the term, Boredom, Frankl is not referring to an isolated incidence of casual ennui. Rather, he is describing a soul-deep, existential paralysis that is truly life-numbing.


    EXISTENTIAL  VACUUM

    A soul-deep, life-numbing existential ennui and paralysis akin to depression.  


    I have spent my fair share of time in OCD-influenced existential vacuums over the course of my late teen, young adult, and early adult years. These episodes were accompanied by a related strain of depression wherein I felt a neurotic fear and dread of life itself. At such times, I found living to be an odious prospect and a gloomy chore. 

    Existential panic attacks marked by darkness and dread conspired with these miserable states of being, making them even worse!  

    It was awful!

    Just as the mesosphere is the most difficult atmospheric level to explore, the Refining Stage often provides you with your life's most difficult challenges. As trying as your challenges may have seemed in the Beginner's Stage, the obstacles and suffering of the Refining Stage may prove even more excruciating. 

    Unlike adversity in the Beginner's Stage, which can be solved on lower levels of existential development, the trials of the Refining Stage occur after you have already experienced significant growth and progress. Thus, by the time you experience them, you're already relatively mature, experienced, and capable. As such, you have likely developed a level of personal esteem and self-confidence that may have led you to feel indestructible or untouchable.

    Consequently, passing through the Refining Stage can be a profoundly humbling experience.

    The goal of the invisible hand of the Refiner is to eradicate within you any lingering false sense of omniscience, omnipotence, or invincibility you may have previously felt. This is an important step in your Existential Growth because self-action leaders who rise above the Refining Stage are keenly and humbly aware of their limitations, shortcomings, and weaknesses—no matter how successful they may have been in the past. The wisdom derived from this 20/20 metaphysical self-vision is one of the things that makes self-action leaders unusually capable and powerful after the refining process is complete. 

    Your own passage through the Refining Stage will provide YOU with an unmistakable opportunity to more fully comprehend the fatal folly of human hubris.  

    This stage was by far the hardest I've ever experienced, and it will likely be the hardest you'll ever experience as well. For some, refining moments may be more prominent in one life area than another. 

    My own personal refining stage came in the key life arenas of my mental health, career, and romantic relationships. This trio of deep and penetrating trials absolutely rocked my world and shook it to its core. The harrowing experiences that accompanied these challenges racked my entire being (mind, heart, and spirit) with indescribably intense metaphysical heat, pressure, and pain. 

    It was agonizing!

    But the result was wonderful as many personal impurities (e.g. arrogance, ignorance, myopia, naivete, and selfishness) were gradually expunged from my mind, heart, and soul.

    And that is precisely the aim of the refining process!  

    My journey was so arduous, excruciating, long-lasting, and at times soul-crushing that I would not wish it on my worst enemy. On the other hand, and paradoxically, I kind of wish that everyone could have the opportunity to experience what I did because the rewards that have come post-refining have been entirely worth it. After all, there is only ONE way to extract pure gold from impure ore, and that is to refine it with scorching heat and pressure filled blasts of fierce and forceful power.    

    There is no other way.

    A caterpillar must pass through an excruciating and
    extended process of extricating itself from its cocoon
    before it can stretch its wings and show off its full colors.
    Refining is an ugly, but oh so necessary process in any kind of authentic growth. Whether you are a butterfly struggling to break out of its cocoon, a diffident, homely, and pimple-faced teenager gradually blooming into an attractive, capable, and confident adult, a shiny sword being forged in a blacksmith's shop, or a potential-laden personal leader being transformed into an authentic and kinetic self-action leader, things are rarely attractive when the refining process begins or when you are in the middle of it. But, when the procedure is complete, the final result can truly be an "out-of-this-world" transformation! 

    This extraordinary journey of metamorphosis is as agonizing as it is exciting and extraordinary. While the caterpillar must struggle mightily to break free from the shackles of its cocoon, the brilliant and beautiful butterfly that emerges is truly magnificent to behold!

    Theoretically speaking, any person would gladly accept and welcome refining because of the richness of the rewards on the far side of its poignant procedures. After all, it's the only way to realize your full potential and advance to higher levels of Existential Growth. Practically speaking, however, the "heat" and "pressure" of the Refining Stage can prove so intense and scalding that many give up before the process is through... or grow bitter and curse the trials rather than allow them to do their terrible, yet terrific, work.  

    If YOU truly desire further Existential Growth, then you have no choice but to face up to its full fury and wrath and then push through to the other side with dogged determination. Simply stated, there is no other way to break down and melt away the dross and impurities that inhibit your long-term growth and progress. 

    This "melting" occurs as we begin to let go of arrogance, ego, self-deception, and bad habits that have previously polluted our potential. As flawed human beings, we too often maintain our grip on such things because it's what we've known in the past, are mired in bad habits, and/or are too easily seduced and discouraged by the scoffs and scorns of the crabs. 

    Doing so halts our progression in the same way that a dam stops the flow of a river. 

    We human beings are strange that way. Too often we are loathe to give up the very things that are certain to endanger or even destroy us in the end.

    The purpose of the refining process is to coax you to "loosen your grip" on those things that harm you and hinder your Existential Growth until you eventually "let go" of whatever is harming yourself and/or others. But like Paraguayan Monkeys, human beings in general too often refuse to "let go" of the "Coconut Treasure"—whatever bad habit, vice, or other weakness—that is causing their downfall. As a result, we neither obtain the treasure, nor free ourselves from the grip of the coconut. (6)  

    It is a sad, self-imposed catch-22! 

    All self-action leaders who eventually attain the highest levels of Existential Growth must successfully pass through the Refining Stage and come out the other side humble, teachable, empowered, and motivated to, in-turn, teach, lead, and influence others.  

    All human beings face significant challenges and trials in their lives. Thus, all of us have the opportunity to be refined on some level. Sadly, some people refuse to be refined no matter how severe their adversity, how long their trials last, or how clearly their self-deceptions are exposed. 

    Such persons will go to great lengths to justify why their way is the right way even—and perhaps especially—when it is in fact the wrong way. And the more ardent and energetic they are in their quest, the more convinced they become that wrong is right and vice versa. 

    Over time, the cleverest of these persons devolve into delusional demigods determined to poison the minds and hearts of anyone willing to listen to the pseudo truths of their cherished erroneous ideologies. 

    The result?

    They voluntarily give up their opportunities for further Existential Growth and progress. In the process, they replace their own glass ceilings with self-constructed ceilings of steel-reinforced concrete. Said barriers are much more difficult to penetrate than glass, but are only impregnable to those who choose to hold onto their own way and either remain in the clutches of the Refining Stage or regress to lower levels of Existential Growth. It is a sad state of being, where you end up festering in the miserable confines of your own self-constructed prison cell.

    If you had a relatively easy experience transcending the Beginner's and Practitioner's Stage, the adversity of the Refining Stage may prove even more unpleasant because you have not yet faced any serious trials in your life. For example, if you met with a lot of initial success and very little failure in the first three stages, you may be less prepared for the "heat" and "pressure" of the Refining Stage than others who may have already experienced similarly "Refining" moments in previous stages.

    Bottom Line: everyone travels a unique pathway through life. None of us experience the exact same things at the exact same time as anyone else. 

    The Refining Stage brings the heat and power required to incinerate whatever issues are inhibiting a further rise in your Existential Growth. It also has the sharpness necessary to sever any lingering ties you may have with existential crabs. As you mature as a human being and self-action leader, the co-dependency of your past gradually grows into the independence of your present and then eventually into the interdependence of your future. (7)

    The Refining Stage will prove your mettle by uncovering your inadequacies and insecurities and transforming them into strength and confidence. Along the way, it will test you to your very core. It will provide you with a golden opportunity to "partake of life's bitter cups ... [but] without becoming bitter." (8)

    To transcend the Refining Stage, you must demonstrate high levels of constitutional, spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, social, moral, and financial acuity, resilience, and self-reliance.

    The Refining Stage provides you with an opportunity to prove to yourself and others that you are capable of facing extreme adversity and, with the aid of Serendipity, conquer it to emerge confident, courageous, morally oriented, and ready to pursue even greater growth. 

    The Refining Stage is an existential sieve.

    It separates the humble and strong from the prideful and weak.

    It is a poignant and potent reminder that life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you and you alone to decide.


     "Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you
    and you alone to decide."  

    Cavett Robert


    Not much is known about the mesosphere because it is too high for hot air balloons or airplanes, yet too low for orbiting satellites or space stations. This makes it the most mysterious of Earth's many atmospheric levels, and the most difficult for scientists to explore. 

    Similarly, the Refining Stage produces a series of mystifying trials and challenges that will be uniquely tailored to YOU and you alone. These challenges will be incredibly difficult to understand and solve, and you will inevitably need the help of Serendipity and other people to safely navigate them.

    While help from others will be essential in the Refining Stage, you must also come to recognize and accept the reality that no one else can take the journey for you; nor can anyone eradicate the pain and suffering inherent to this stage. In this sense, it is a very lonely journey—one that you must ultimately take alone, albeit with the ever-present aid of Serendipity, which is an unspeakable comfort upon which you should always seek to rely. (9) 

    The poet, Ella Wheeler Wilcox, wrote a poem that eloquently articulates the loneliness of this unusually somber and trying stage of your Existential Growth and development.  


    Solitude

    Ella Wheeler Wilcox
    1850-1919
    Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
       Weep, and you weep alone,
    For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
       But has trouble enough of its own.
    Sing, and the hills will answer;
       Sigh, it is lost on the air,
    The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
       But shrink from voicing care.

    Rejoice, and men will seek you;
       Grieve, and they turn and go.
    They want full measure of all your pleasure,
       But they do not need your woe.
    Be glad, and your friends are many;
       Be sad, and you lose them all,—
    There are none to decline your nectar'd wine,
       But alone you must drink life's gall.

    Feast, and your halls are crowded
       Fast, and the world goes by.
    Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
       But no man can help you die.
    There is room in the halls of pleasure
       For a large and lordly train,
    But one by one we must all file on
       Through the narrow aisles of pain. (10)

    Ella Wheeler Wilcox


    In addition to being hauntingly beautiful poetry, these three stanzas are haunting—period!

    Such is the nature of the Refining Stage!  

    While passing through the adversarial depths of the Refining Stage, you may question whether it is worth it to keep striving. This vacillation of purpose occurs not only because the Refining Stage is so difficult and painful, but because it often lasts for extended periods of time. I have personally spent more than half of my life in this stage, and it was terrible! At times, the pain of the refining process in my life proved horrifically excruciating and seemed like it would never end.  

    The GOOD NEWS is that eventually it did end, and I was able to graduate and move on to the next level in my Existential Growth—the Polishing Stage—which still has its challenges, to be sure, but in the aggregate, is not nearly as bad as the Refining Stage.  

    Fortunately, not everyone will experience the Refining Stage as intensely as I did. For many (and perhaps most) people, your Refining Stage may not be as difficult and long-lasting as mine was. But no matter who you are, YOU will face a Refining Stage if you live long enough. 

    The timing of the Refining Stage will vary for different people. Some will experience powerful refining experiences early on in their life. Others may experience the bulk of their refining in middle age. Still others may reach their golden years before their mind, heart, and soul's purest gold is refined.  

    I was cursed—or blessed, depending on how you look at it—to experience deep, harrowing, penetrating, and powerful refining experiences during my teenage, adolescent, and young adult years. In my case, chronic mental, emotional, and social illnesses conspired with added career crucibles to dominate my life for over 30 years (1992-2023). It was a brutal, ongoing menagerie of malaises that relentlessly refined me. 

    (see BOOK the SIXTH, Chapters 3-5 for detailed narratives of these refining life experiences of mine). 

    The bad news is that this refining process was ponderously and profoundly challenging. 

    The good news is that it has absolutely made me who I am today.  

    No matter who you are, YOU will pass through refining obstacles and trials in your life. The question is not if, but whenwhat, and how long?

    That is the bad news. 

    The good news is that no matter what comes your way, if you are willing to focus intently, work hard, remain determined, and patiently endure the crucibles that come your way in the Refining Stage, you will come out on the other side strengthened, refined, ready, and motivated for the next level—the Polishing Stage.  

    While my own Refining Stage will always carry echoes and reverberations of heartache, stress, and suffering, my progression—and all the physical and metaphysical accoutrements, blessings, and gifts that have accompanied it—is entirely worth it.

    I would never desire or seek to pass through such excruciating times again. However, I also wouldn't trade anything in the universe for what I have become by enduring this refining process and passing through these trials. 

    It is soooooooo WORTH IT!

    I therefore urge YOU with all the energy of my heart, mind, and soul to cultivate the conviction that, come what may amidst the crucibles of the Refining Stage, you will consciously choose to never give up and eventually come out on top—a glorious place where your heart, mind, and soul will swell with thanksgiving because of what you have become.  




    In Your Journal

    • What life experiences have you had in the past that felt like the Refining Stage? 
    • What experiences are you presently passing through that feel like the Refining Stage?
    • What refining experiences do you believe may still be in your future?
    • What principles and tools did you learn from this chapter that will help you through future Refining Stages?  



    Dr. JJ

    Wednesday, September 4, 2024
    Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA


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    Chapter 15 Notes

    1.  In his famous poem, If, the British Poet, Rudyard Kipling, instructs his audience to treat the twin “imposters” of “triumph and disaster” “just the same,” thus insinuating that human beings would be wise to avoid allowing themselves to feel “too high” or “too low” about their performance based on the social barometer’s current reading and commentary.

    2.  Frank, V. (2006). Man's Search for Meaning. Boston, MA: Beacon Press. Page 66 and 72.

    3.  Ibid. Page 66-67. Frankl quotes Dostevsky as follows: 

    "Fundamentally, therefore, any man can, even under [terrible] circumstances, decide what shall become of him—mentally and spiritually. He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp. Dostoevski said once: 'There is only one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings.' These words frequently came to my mind after I became acquainted with those martyrs whose behavior in camp, whose suffering and death, bore witness to the fact that the last inner freedom cannot be lost. It can be said of them that they were worthy of their sufferings; the way they bore their suffering was a genuine inner achievement. It is this spiritual freedom—which cannot be taken away—that makes life meaningful and purposeful." (pages 66-67) 

    4.  Ibid. Page 106 (see pages 106-108).

    5.  Ibid. Page 106.

    6.  Kenyon, R. (2017). "Paraguay Monkey Trap." Positopian. Medium. 2 December 2017. URL: https://medium.com/the-positopian/paraguay-monkey-trap-b6ea47781ca4

    7.  Covey, S.R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. New York, NY: Fireside.

    8.  Maxwell, N. M. (2004). Remember how merciful the Lord hath beenURL: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2004/04/remember-how-merciful-the-lord-hath-been?lang=eng

    9.  Self-action leaders inhabiting the highest levels of Existential Growth often retrospectively recognize that the most significant contributions of Serendipity and others were made in the midst of the Refining Stage, even though, ironically, it seemed at the time as though such help was the most absent.

    10.  Wilcox, E.W. (1889). Poems of Passion. Chicago, IL: Belford, Clarke and Co. Publishers. Page 131-132. Google Books version.

    JJ's Journal: 1981

        From the Personal Journals of My Father Rex Buckley Jensen  1981 Sunday, March 29, 1981 Annual School Picture Monticello, Utah September...