The Purpose of Life

Dr. JJ is a newly minted Cub Scout Den Leader

I recently became a Cub Scout Den Leader. 

I have never wanted to become a Cub Scout Den Leader. In fact, on my lifelong bucket list—which is LONG indeed—being a Cub Scout Den Leader ranks right down near the bottom next to scrubbing mildew in the shower, stubbing my toe, and banging my head against a concrete wall. 

This being the case, why on Earth would I accept an invitation to become a Cub Scout Den Leader if I don't have to? It's not like someone is forcing me to take on that added responsibility and duty in my life.   

Good Question!  

The rejoinder to this interrogatory is the subject of this week's blog post—and the answer is this...

Because I love my kids and it is the RIGHT thing for me to do at this particular time in my life—whether I feel like it or not.

In other words, the answer is: DUTY and LOVE—two words that self-action leaders uphold as a generalized, yet ultimate response to the piercing and perennial existential query: What is the purpose of life? Distilled down to its purest essence, Duty and Love do indeed serve as the most succinct statements articulating the Purpose of our Lives. 

We live in a world where duty and love too often take a back-seat to pleasure-seeking, instant gratification, and lust. The problem with these troubling trends is that disaster lurks in the shadows whenever and wherever the devils of our nature overtake the angels thereof.

You don't have to be religious (or even spiritual) to accede this highly practical and common-sense notion. It's just a mathematical reality, especially as judged over time.  

The ultimate goal of education should be to develop
good habits and learn to take personal responsibility.

Perhaps the single-most important lesson that self-action leaders ever learn is that the purpose of life is not primarily to do what you want to do. The primary purpose of life is to do what you ought to do when it needs doing for the long-term benefit of yourself and others—whether you feel like it in the moment, or not.

In articulating this fundamental SAL principle, I echo the inspired words of Thomas Huxley, who once wrote:

"The most valuable result of all education is to make you do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not. It is the first lesson that ought to be learned. And however early a man [or woman's] training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he [or she] learns thoroughly." 

— Thomas Huxley

Simply stated, self-action leaders are selfless, responsible, and disciplined people. And not merely because being selfless, responsible, and disciplined are RIGHT things to do. Self-action leaders also practice these virtues because they understand that doing so is the best way of guaranteeing what they want most—which is positive, productive, and personally satisfying results in the LONG-RUN.

In the LONG-RUN I say! (1)  

Self-Action Leaders consistently make decisions by looking way down
the road to determine LONG-TERM consequences of those decisions.  

Don't get the wrong idea... self-action leaders are keenly aware of what they personally want most. In fact, I would argue that self-action leaders know better what they authentically want (in the long-run) than most other people—and they indefatigably pursue their deepest and most authentic wants until they eventually obtain them.

I know I do!

But they do so in a very particular way—a way that sets them on apart from most others. This way involves traversing the less traveled pathways of success, which, unlike the well-beaten pathways of mediocrity and failure, lead ultimately to the greatest achievements, pleasures, prosperity, joys, riches, and peace that life has to offer in the long-run.

In the LONG-RUN I say! (1)

Ahhhh!  What was I thinking?

Those who pursue the well-traveled pathways of pleasure-seeking, instant gratification, and lust, usually obtain at least a measure of what they seek in the short-run. But in the long run, they come to discover that whatever short-term payments they may have accrued in-the-moment are not only cankeringly temporary, but they also travel with much unwanted baggage in the form of negative consequences and painful regrets.

Even more tragically, said persons often end up like the bedeviled soul in the Screwtape Letters (Letter XII), who, at the end of his life tragically laments the cruel irony of his own ill-advised decisions, leading him to transparently confess: "I now see that I spent most of my life doing neither what I ought nor what I liked." (1a)

In other words, for his primal pursuit of pleasure, our hedonistic and otherwise unwise human was rewarded not only an eternal estate among the morally degenerate, but he ironically managed to accrue a mere modicum of pleasure along his journey through this world as well.

If such a deal sounds like a "Catch 22," that's because it is!  

How can we as self-action leaders avoid this pathetically sullen, yet surprisingly common (and deeply regrettable) state of being in our own lives? 

We all have duties in our lives and careers.

What are yours?  And are you faithful at attending

to them in a conscientious and timely manner?

We may do so by carefully balancing the prioritization of our personal wants with the existential duties incumbent upon all who grace this Planet in human form.

Stated more simply, we prioritize our existential duties over our personal desires. In other words, we develop the capacity to consistently do what is RIGHT even—and perhaps especially—when doing so is inconvenient or uncomfortable.    

To illustrate what this process looks like in real life, consider the following example from my own life...

Since I was just a teenager, I have had a deep-seated desire to travel the world teaching true principles of human thought, speech, and action. I am absolutely obsessed with such things and my greatest and most healthy outlet is to either write and speak or teach on related subjects. Attending this goal is an accompanying desire to be a successful author, leader, organizer, builder, and influential agent of change on a macro scale. 

To accomplish these important, life-long desires of mine, I have invested tens of thousands of hours of thought, reading, study, formal education, and practice over the course of more than 30 years. Suffice it to say, I have, for a very long period of time, paid a very high price to become the kind of person who is capable of realizing these deep, penetrating, and authentic desires of my heart. 

2015 Version of SAL Textbook

In the fall of 2015, I self-published a compilation of my life's work to date in a life leadership textbook that was nearly 700 pages long. It was the fifth (5th) iteration/edition of this present work. That means I had been working diligently since 2003 on the message contained in this comprehensive textbook.

After traveling the English-speaking world as a contract speaker and trainer for the better part of a decade, publishing several books and hundreds of articles in newspapers and other periodicals, earning an accredited doctoral degree, and investing a DOZEN years in creating the structure and substance of the SAL Theory & Model, it seemed to me that surely the time had come when I could finally begin to enter a place where I might begin traveling the world to teach and train others in the principles and practices to which I had so diligently dedicated my own life.

But it was not to be. 

          In fact, as it turned out, I was not even close!

Despite all my efforts and sacrifices over the years, and regardless of the punctiliousness, persistence, and perspiration involved in my painstaking preparation, I was not about to enter the full-flowering of my career as a speaker, writer, and leader back in 2015. 

I was about to become a full-time stay-at-home Dad!

To date, academe wants nothing to do with Self-Action Leadership.
In the meantime, the world burns as the "Powers-that-Be" continue to
turn a blind eye to the only REAL solution to the madness.
Fortunately, Freedom Focused is a patient organization.
We will simply wait and continue preparing until we are called upon.

And guess how I got things kicked off?

By getting rejected by 70 different colleges and universities for 100 different academic teaching/researching positions all over the world, thus guaranteeing that I would remain a stay-at-home dad for the foreseeable future.

Instead of becoming a bestselling author or entering the college classroom, I began changing diapers and babysitting a one-year old and a three-year old on a full-time basis. 

I'm not going to lie... that first year of full-time "Daddying" just about killed me, both emotionally and physically—not because it was so incredibly difficult (although it definitely was!) but because it was so fundamentally different from my previous life as a traveling contract trainer. The contrast I experienced moving from the world of being a traveling career professional to becoming a full-time stay-at-home parent was a profound shock to my entire system.        

My three- and one-year old in 2016.

I did not, of course, literally die from this experience. Because I refused to quit, things got easier over time, which is what always happens if you refuse to give up in the face of difficulty or adversity.   

Part of this easing process involved rounding the learning curve. Gaining knowledge and experience did not change the difficulty-at-hand, but it did change ME, which in-turn made my difficulties less challenging.

Thus it is that: "Nothing is really hard or easy; there is only your ability (or lack thereof) to do."

"Nothing is really hard or easy.  There is only your ability (or lack thereof) to do." 

— Dr. JJ      

Sketch of Thoreau's homebuilt cabin
near Walden Pond in Massachusetts.

And as the American philosopher, Henry David Thoreau once aptly put it: Things don't change; We change."

"Things don't change.  We change."

— Thoreau   

Another aspect of this gradual easing involved the natural change and growth processes occurring within my kids as I loved, cared for, nurtured, taught, and mentored them. Thus, after a couple of years, my one- and three-year-old became a three- and five-year-old, which provided a significantly different (and easier) parenting dynamic for me.

Then, in 2018, my wife and I decided to invite child number three into the world, thus begging the question: Am I a glutton for punishment or as committed to LOVE and DUTY as I claim to be?

I'll let YOU answer that question for yourself.

With my three kids, aged 6, 4, and <1 in 2019.

I must confess, despite nearly SIX (6) years of practice now, I have never become fully accustomed to my role as a full-time stay-at-home parent—nor do I think I ever will for that matter.

Despite all the plusses and perks—and there are a number of them (e.g. naps, deepened relationships with kids, trips to fun places and other wonderful memories, autonomy over my schedule, etc.)—I still find myself uncomfortable in my present role. Indeed, every single day brings difficulties and the whole deal remains well outside my comfort zone.  

Growing up, I never saw myself tending kids full-time. In fact, I rarely even envisioned myself as a parent—period. In the back of my mind, I always knew that I most likely would be a parent eventually, but I rarely thought about what the full job description would actually entail—particularly with me slotting unexpectedly into the starring role.

As a child, adolescent, and young adult, I thought continually about marriage, getting married, and my future wife. But it was a different matter when it came to kids. So you can imagine how surprising and challenging these unexpected life duties have been for me.

But they are my LIFE DUTIES, and in conjunction with my faith and wife, constitute the most important things in my life, so do I really have any choice but to faithfully attend to these duties if I want to be a person of integrity and desire long-term happiness for my family and myself?

The answer to this question is self-evident and therefore rhetorical. And while clearly comprehending this fact does not eradicate the difficulty of my daily duties, it does help me find joy in the process and much hope for the relational riches to come as blessed by that existential compound interest, which (good or bad), comes to all of us in the future based on the choices we make in the past and present. Thus it is that in the end, we really do reap more-or-less precisely what we sow.

"As ye sow, so shall ye reap."

— The Law of the Harvest 

(As explicated in The Good Book)

Why is it that life seems so determined to give us opportunities to do the very things we would naturally avoid? For example, I don't particularly like (much less relate to) teenagers. I didn't understand teenagers when I was a teenager myself. And as an adult, I don't feel much closer to the little brutes (bless their hearts)! 

Despite this fact, I've spent five years in classrooms of various kinds as a substitute and/or full-time teacher on the middle and high school levels. I've also been an early-morning seminary (religious) instructor of teenagers not once, but twice, in two different states!

I remember the second time I was called to serve as an early-morning religious instructor; this time in the Great State of Texas. The call came during the late summer of 2016, which also happened to be my first (and most) difficult year as a full-time stay-at-home parent. And that was just one of many other challenges my family and I faced that year. 

Ever felt like life itself was singling you out and laughing at YOU?

The early morning class I was invited to teach began at 6:00 a.m. and consisted entirely of tenth graders. Of all the things in this world that DO NOT come naturally to me, 6:00 a.m. and tenth graders are near the tippy-top of my list!

I recall the bitterness and frustration that filled my mind, heart, and soul for the first couple of weeks after I received that calling. It seemed as though life was playing a practical joke on me and fiendishly laughing in the process.

Indeed, it felt as if life itself was pointing a finger of scorn at me and saying aloud: "Ha, ha, Jordan... you wanted to travel the world and teach millions about SAL after the sun was high in the sky; how about you stay put in Texas and teach religion to a dozen teenagers before the sun comes up instead?" 

There's your reward for all that effort and hard work! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"   

My Great Aunt Dorothy was a "Mover
and a Shaker" in part because she
knew how to say: "No"

It's true that I could have said "No" to this invitation. 

An important lesson I learned from my Great Aunt Dorothy was that, and I quote: "You can always say 'No.'"

And there are times when I do say "No."

Click HERE to learn more about Life Lessons Dr. JJ learned from his Great Aunt Dorothy.  

In fact, after spending an entire year teaching seminary and feeling like an exhausted zombie each day as I sought to care for my two kids under the age of four, my wise wife convinced me it was time to ask for a release.

She didn't have to ask twice!

I immediately asked for, and was gratefully granted, an honorable release by those who had called me to serve. 

To those who are scratching their heads and asking: "JJ: why in the world did you accept the calling in the first place?"

Good question!

The ANSWER is: because I learned long ago that it is selfish, short-sighted, and unwise to turn down an opportunity to give and serve when you have the time, means, and capacity to do so. Turning down opportunities to teach or serve other people cheats others out of many blessings. It also cheats YOU out of a goldmine of personal growth and other riches in the form of unique life experiences and meaningful interpersonal relationships.

On the other hand, it is not necessary for a self-action leader to run faster or work harder than he or she is able. Thus, there are times when a declination is the best response—something I am not afraid to invoke when necessary.

While certainly not my favorite thing to do, my experience teaching early morning seminary predictably turned into a positive experience for both the students and me. The students learned and grew in their knowledge and faith; and I grew, progressed, and gained additional practice in pedagogy and religion in conjunction with obedience and humility—two vital SAL virtues. But the fact remains that it was a difficult calling for me, and I was greatly relieved when I was eventually released—just as I will be greatly relieved when I am eventually released as a Cub Scout Den Leader! 

Let that new challenge begin!   

A section of Auschwitz-Birkenau prison in Poland
where Viktor Frankl suffered, reflected,
and achieved extraordinary Existential Growth.

Viktor Frankl, that famous psychotherapist who survived the horrors of Nazi brutality in Auschwitz, once wrote:

"What [is] really needed [is] a fundamental change in our attitude[s] toward life. We [all need] to learn ... that it [doesn't] really matter what we expect... from life, but rather what life expect[s]... from us. We need... to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as ... being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist ... of right action and ... right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual. 

These tasks, and therefore the meaning of life, differ from [person to person] and from moment to moment. ... Life does not mean something vague, but something very real and concrete, just as life's tasks are also very real and concrete. They form [our] destiny, which is different and unique for each individual. No [person] and no destiny can be compared with any other [person] or any other destiny. No situation repeats itself, and each situation calls for a different response. ... Every situation is distinguished by its uniqueness, and there is always only one right answer to the problem posed by the situation at hand." (2)

Throughout my life, LIFE itself has asked me to do a whole host of different things that I felt disinclined to do. In many cases, the prospect of tackling certain tasks and undertakings that, while clearly MY DUTY to perform, nevertheless engendered no small amount of fear and even dread. In those instances, I had a choice to make. Would I humbly and obediently submit myself to life's urgent, important, and compelling requests, or would I shrink away by pridefully and selfishly refusing said opportunities?

Robert Frost
(1874-1963)
Poet and author of "The Road Not Taken"

While I am far from perfect in practicing what I preach in regards to fully meeting the demands of both DUTY and LOVE in my life and career, I can say with a clear conscience that in the main, I have consistently and proactively chosen the Road Less Traveled in both my life and career.

And as Frost so perfectly and poetically put it: "That has made all the difference." (3). And the blessings and favors that have followed this pathway have been unspeakably lavish.

And it is only the beginning.  

In the short run, doing one's duty is often difficult and unpleasant. That is an absolutely omnipresent fact of life. But in the long-run, the rewards of doing so are so exorbitantly rich and plentiful that it is hard to believe that anyone in their right mind would ever choose any other pathway, no matter how adverse or challenging.  

For example, could there be anything more valuable than the depth and strength of my earned relationships with my wife and children because I have spent so much time serving and loving them since retiring as a contract trainer nearly SIX (6) years ago?

Or what about the positive and productive contribution I made to the lives of the hundreds of students I have influenced over the years? For most people, the answer to these questions are self-evident and therefore rhetorical. And so it is for me as well.

Thus, I have no regrets. 

Nevertheless, a lingering question still begs, as follows: Will my hoped-for and envisioned "day-in-the-sun" eventually arrive as a writer and speaker?

Perhaps?

     Probably?

          Fairly likely?

               Almost certainly?

                    Without any doubt or question? 

I might be envied by a King...  Cuz I'm a Family Man

If I were a betting man, I'd put my money on the last possibility; but that's just because I am, and always will be, a hope-filled optimist in my long-term outlook on everything in my life and career. 

Nevertheless, even if it doesn't turn out quite that way, I am—and am well positioned to remain—a very rich man. 

Why am I rich? 

Because I have deep, intimate, and richly satisfying family relationships. And I have the added luxury of being able to lay my head down upon my pillow each night with a clear conscience before God, man, and myself knowing that I have consistently striven to the best of my imperfect ability to faithfully attend to my DUTY while seeking sincerely to LOVE my fellowmen.

No personal or professional opportunity, accomplishment, remuneration, or reward can even begin to rival that kind of residual income-infused GOLDMINE.  

Whatever my future might bring, I am grateful that I recognize the profound truth that in the end, whatever I may personally want out of my life and career is far less important that what life itself wants out of me on a daily, even hourly basis throughout my life. Thus, in the end, my success will not be measured in books sold, dollars earned, employees hired, or miles traveled. It will be measured in the extent to which I did my duty and strove to do the RIGHT things every day of my life.

And that is what Self-Action Leadership is all about! 

Immanuel Kant
1724-1804
German Philosopher

I believe that accomplishing that is also what Immanuel Kant intended when he introduced his famous concept—the Categorical Imperative—into the lexicon of Western philosophy. 

In Kant's view, the most valuable and worthy human attribute is not talent, ability, wealth, power, luck, or good looks. The ultimate good for Kant is constituted in what he called a "Good Will" whereby an individual autonomously choose to align one's thoughts, speech, and behaviors with Universal Laws of Right Conduct even—and especially—when we DON'T feel like it. For those who align their conduct with Kantian categorical imperatives, "Joy is [truly] duty and Love is [truly] Law." (4)

In my personal and professional experiences, conscientiously and consistently attending to my DUTY, LOVING my fellowmen, and otherwise doing the RIGHT thing to the best of my imperfect ability—however difficult and time-consuming—is the best way to live in the long run.

Nay; that is too weak. Let's put it a little more strongly: it is the only way to live in the long run. This is because doing so is the only way to obtain the best possible results over time—for oneself and others. 

As human beings, we all know "that every[one] is free, to choose his life and what he'll be" (5). This liberty extends to making a wide array of choices that are wrong, foolish, selfish, short-sighted, etc. And in the short-term, said choices may bring about moments of enjoyment or escape. But if we are interested in lasting joy and peace of mind, there is only one pathway that leads thereto. And that pathway is The Road Less Traveled, which is marked by duty, responsibility, and right thinking, speaking, and doing.

THERE   IS  NO  OTHER  WAY.

In what ways are you currently being selfish or foolish in your own personal or professional thoughts, speech, or conduct? In what ways are your actions aimed at short-term fun, pleasure, or escape at the expense of long-term achievement, joy, and peace of mind? 

What is the current strength of your own Kantian Good Will? Are you in the habit of doing what is right even—and especially—when you don't feel like it, or when doing so is difficult or unpopular? Or are you apt to just give into selfish inclinations or momentary whims—you know, in taking the "easy way out"? 

Doing difficult things brings about a cornucopia of rewards.

Over time, we all eventually discover through our own experiences that "the easy way" out is, in reality, the hardest pathway to tread in the long-run. 

Likewise, the more difficult pathway up front typically leads us to an easier (and certainly more desirable) state of feeling and being in the long-run. In the words of Jerzy Gregorek: "Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life."

"Easy choices, hard life.

               Hard choices, easy life." 

— Jerzey Gregorek      

I invite you to take some time TODAY to ponder on the unique Purpose of YOUR OWN Life within a framework of the general purpose of all of our lives (Duty & Love). In so doing, I encourage you to be honest with yourself about your current habits of thought, speech, and action. Are these habits helping or hurting you and those you profess to care the most about?

Lastly, what is ONE thing you could begin doing TODAY to start re-charting a better, wiser, and more selfless course for your family, career, and life that will bring about the richest possible rewards in the END?

There's a little buffet of thought for you.

          Now get "eating"!    

  

-Dr. JJ

October 13, 2021

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 234th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013. 

Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 233 FF Blog Articles.  

.........................

Tune in NEXT Wednesday for another article on a Self-Action Leadership related topic.  

And if you liked this blog post, please share it with your family, friends, colleagues, and students—and encourage them to sign up to receive future articles for FREE every Wednesday.

To sign up, please email freedomfocused@gmail.com and say SUBSCRIBE, or just YES, and we will ensure you receive a link to each new blog article every Wednesday.  

Click HERE to learn more about Freedom Focused

Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Jordan Jensen

Click HERE to buy the SAL Textbooks

Notes:

1. Frankl, V. (2006). Man's Search for Meaning. Boston, MA: Beacon Press. Page xv.

1a. Lewis, C.S. The Screwtape Letters. New York, NY: Bantam. Page 36

2. Ibid. Page 76.

3. Frost, R. The Road Not Taken (poem). 

4. Whittier, J.G. Maud Muller (poem). 

5. Miller, R.L. Know This, That Every Soul is Free (hymn).

To the Love of my Life: A Husband's Tribute to His Wife

"A form more fair, a face more sweet,

Ne'er has it been my lot to meet

And her modest answer and graceful air

Show her good and wise as she is fair."*

I love ROMANCE.

     Always have.

          Always will.

"Tell them, dear, that if eyes were meant for seeing, Then beauty is its own excuse for being."**

— Ralph Waldo Emerson  

To me, few things can compete with, much less eclipse, the majesty, glory, and joy accessible within the magical experiences of authentic ROMANCE. At a very early age, it became evident to me that the greatest things I could possibly aspire to in life were love, marriage, and family.

Have you ever properly been in LOVE?

Is there anything better in life than being authentically in Love?

Years ago, a famous television personality hosted a program on a major news network in the United States. A memorable schtick of this particular host involved posing this unique question to celebrities and other high profile guests on his show. On some occasions, he would slightly change his query, as follows: "How many times have you properly been in love?" 

Ever since tuning into his show, both of these questions have intrigued me. So I naturally posed them to myself, from myself. 

For me, the answer to the first question is easy: "YES, I have properly been in love." 

The answer to the second question is: "ONCE"—albeit with a fairly detailed footnote attached.

Why the footnote? And what does said footnote entail?  

     I had a feeling you'd ask me that question!

Since I was just a boy—from kindergarten and first grade on-up—I have always had a crush on some girl (and later on some woman). It's hard to remember a time in my past when I wasn't in love (or at very least deeply infatuated with) some girl or woman.

For example, at the beginning of my 4th grade year, I was all agog with a girl in my new class.

Her name was Tara.

To this day, I can still distinctly recall the brief moment Tara's and my eyes met and locked on to each other diagonally across the table one day at lunchtime. This dreamy eye-locking only lasted for about three seconds (which is quite a while, if you really think about it), after which we both reflexively looked away. Nevertheless, I remember the moment with great clarity—as if it had happened just yesterday—and it ranks among the most magical moments of my young life.

Within days of that moment, however, I was transferred to a 4th/5th grade combination class because there were too many students in the fourth- and fifth-grade classes at my school that year. I was devastated to be taken out of Tara's class, so much so that I recall crying in my bed one night before the official classroom switch was set to take place.

Pathetic?  

     Perhaps. 

Nevertheless, the pathos of that experience—and so many others like it—was REAL, and cut deep into the furrows and sinews of my young mind, heart, and soul.  

It did not matter too much, however, that I was taken out of Tara's class because I merely formed a new crush (of course). This time it was Lindsay—an older woman (5th grader)—in my new combination class. This relatively quick switch from Tara to Lindsay suggests that I must not have been properly in love with Tara, or Lindsay, for that matter. Such seeming amores must have been more akin to juvenile infatuations.  

Some of my infatuations were more intense than others, and some lasted for far longer than others, but they almost always existed for me. This was, no doubt, a part of my natural make-up. It was also influenced by romances I observed all around me, including the real-life connubial connections of my parents (My mom and dad were both hopeless romantics) and older siblings and cousins as well as the more idealistic versions I was exposed to in print and the cinema.

The latter variety had perhaps the deepest impact on me, and I'll never forget the pleasure of reading about Jefferson Davis Bussey (a Union spy) and his pure and innocent—albeit forbidden—romance with Lucy Washbourne (a sweet, lovely, gorgeous Southern Belle he met behind enemy lines) in Harold Keith's Newbery Award winning juvenile historical fiction novel, Rifles for Watie. Moreover, many a movie inspired additional romantic notions within my mind, heart, and spirit, thus leading me to waltz out of a movie theatre "walking on air"  for the passion and inspiration I derived from a motion picture. 

The Ladies, bless their hearts, managed
to do a number on mine over the years!

Throughout my entire childhood, adolescence, and young adult years, I was always "falling in love"—or so I thought. I also dated a lot. From age 16-19, I went on 40 different dates (mostly group dates) with 33 different girls. And YES... as an avid journaler, I kept detailed track of my experiences, so any stats I provide on the subject are trustworthy. 

I did not date at all between ages 19-21 because I was serving a full-time mission for my church. But after returning from my 2-year mission to Canada, I started dating even more prolifically in anticipation of eventually marrying.   

In all, I went on 218 dates with 100 different women before meeting Lina.

          That's right... I had to date 100 other gals before I was worthy of and prepared to date Lina, and she just happened to be the magical number #101!

Some gals I only went out with once; others I went out with twice, thrice, or even several more times. But come what may, I could never get any of these relationships to last. This fact was devastating—even heartbreaking—on dozens of occasions because in my mind, I really did "fall in love" with a score or more different gals. However, in hindsight I came to see over time that all of these experiences were more akin to powerful infatuations than authentic LOVE.

Despite all that experience over more than a decade, I managed to land only one "official" girlfriend; and she dumped me after one week of "official" dating.

Pathetic?

     Perhaps.

But all that failure-laden "despised love"*** proved to be an important part of my life's journey. Furthermore, it turned out to be entirely worth it because that pathway led me to where I had always sought to go, which was to make it to the end of the rainbow and find a pot of romantic gold.  

  

Eventually, I made it to the Rainbow's end, where I met and started to date Lina Tucker. For the first time in my life, I was not only properly in love, but I finally understood what it actually meant to "Properly be in Love." After all the failure and disillusionment, my success with Lina proved to be a truly magical experience that continues on and is even richer TODAY.  

I truth, I never spent enough quality time with any other girl or woman to have properly been in love. And while time expenditure alone is not a recipe for TRUE LOVE, it is unquestionably an indispensable ingredient.  

Now I know the difference between mere infatuation and real, deep, committed LOVE—and it wasn't just a matter of pulling a rabbit out of my hat by somehow persuading Lina to be my "official" girlfriend for more than a week—although that was undoubtedly a good start! 

It was really more about the time investment and personal commitment.  

Lina Marie Jensen
"My Darling, My Darling, My Wife and My Bride"****
From her Bridal Pics Collection, August 2008

Today's post***** is a tribute to my wife—my best friend, closest companion and confidante, the unrivaled apple of my eye, and the absolute LOVE of my LIFE.

Lina Marie (née Tucker) and I were married on August 8, 2008. It's an easy date to remember because it's 08/08/08, or just 8/8/8.

Our 13th wedding anniversary passed by a couple of Sundays ago.

This year's anniversary is extra special to me personally because I have a thing with the number 13—it's my lucky number (long story). This number also has a lot of importance to Freedom Focused as an organization (again, long story). Lastly, it is the first anniversary we will spend in our new home state—the Wondrous and Great Sunshine State of FLORIDA.

Due to scheduling issues, we will not be officially celebrating our anniversary until this weekend, which coincides nicely with my 42nd birthday on August 21st. Nothing like a dual reason to throw a party, especially where romance is involved! Thanks to my wonderfully kind and generous in-laws, who are taking our kids for the weekend so we can celebrate, Lina and I are looking forward to a magical two-night romantic getaway in Miami. 

With my girlfriend, Lina, on our first
trip to South Beach in March 2007

I sometimes refer to Atlanta, Georgia as the city where "Dreams Come True" because that is where I had the privilege and pleasure of meeting and dating Lina. If Atlanta is the city where dreams come true, then Miami is the "City of our Dreams." As such, we are most fortunate to get to make our home just an hour or so north of this subtropical jewel of the Deep South.

Lovely in every possible way, Lina is the most wonderful person in the world in my eyes.

          I absolutely adore her. 

There are endless things about her that I admire. She is incredibly beautiful (inside and out). She is wicked smart. She is fun to be around and has the most joyful and infectious laughs of anyone I've ever met. I recall a time back during our courtship when I was sitting next to Lina and a couple of other friends while riding in the back seat of a car. As we rode along, she was absolutely shaking with laughter. The reason I'll never forget the moment was because the metaphysical mirth and jubilant joy that emanated from her being at that otherwise commonplace moment was a key indicator that this was the kind of person with whom I wanted to spend the rest of eternity.

In short, Lina has a golden mind, a platinum personality, and a heart of diamonds.

I love her voice.

     I love her laugh.

           I love her smile and scent.

                I love her character, integrity, virtue, and endless goodness.  

Indeed, my admiration of and respect for her knows no bounds.

Lina is not perfect; no one is. But she is about as close to perfection as one could possibly hope for in a spouse. Moreover, she is the consummate self-action leader. I may have written THE BOOKS on the subject, but she is actually a better example of SAL than I am in many (if not most) ways.

Lina jumping for joy on South Beach in 2007

Her eyes as stars of twilight fair;

Like twilight's, too, her dusky hair; ...

I saw her upon nearer view,

A spirit, yet a woman too! ...

A countenance in which did meet

Sweet records, promises as sweet; ...

A being breathing thoughtful breath,

A traveler between life and death;

The reason firm, the temperate will,

Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;

A perfect woman, nobly planned

To warn, to comfort, and command;

And yet a spirit still, and bright

With something of angelic light.******

Lina has a positive attitude. She loves other people and cares deeply about their needs, feelings, and welfare. Despite being a full-time career professional who travels regularly, she is a remarkably conscientious, caring, and devoted wife and mother. She is one of the most mature and selfless people I have ever met. She has made my dreams come true in so many ways, and our family has been endlessly blessed by her love, work, and endless dedication to us.  

Kissing on a camping trip in early 2008

She is, quite simply, better than the woman of my dreams.

The reason I describe her this way is because I, like many other single men, had certain ideas in my eyes, head, and heart about what kind of woman I wanted to someday marry. And it may surprise you to learn that Lina was not exactly what I had envisioned when I pictured my future wife. 

She... is... BETTER than what I had envisioned!

In other words, God took my own ideas for an ideal spouse into His compassionate and almighty Hands and said to me: "That's a good and interesting start, Jordan, but how about I do you a whole lot better? 

Here... meet Lina!"  

There she was... waiting for me
underneath a South Florida Palm Tree!

I would say I am the luckiest man in the world, but a lot more than mere LUCK went into finding, meeting, dating, and marrying Lina. It took time, effort, FAITH, focus, determination, persistence, consistence, vision, and a healthy dose of old-fashioned risk-taking.

Indeed, my journey to Lina was anything but fast or easy. Fraught with seemingly endless disappointment, heartache, rejection, and failure that at times bordered on despair, finally meeting up with Lina was like finally finding that elusive oasis in the Sahara desert after traveling for several thousand miles through that sweltering North African landscape of endless sand and sunburn.

But it was all worth it because Lina was waiting for me underneath the Palm Tree of that heavenly oasis. When the Country Music group, Rascal Flatts, sings: "God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you," they must have been singing about me. 

Lina and I met in Atlanta (technically Duluth) Georgia in September 2006. While it wasn't exactly love at first sight for either of us, it is fair to say that it was love at "Second Sight"—at least for me—and within a week, I was hooked! She understandably didn't fall for me quite as quickly, but thankfully grew to love me over time.

Our Wedding Day in Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
August 8, 2008  ~  8/8/08

The more I got to know her, the more in love I fell, and the more determined I grew to do whatever it might take—for however long it might take—to win her heart for good. It took six months after we met before she agreed to date me exclusively. And it took an entire year after that before she agreed to marry me. I was ready to get engaged after three months of dating. It took her nine additional months; but it was worth the wait! Never in my life has there been a more important or well-spent 18 months.

In light of everything I've said about Lina up to this point, perhaps you are assuming that we've never had an argument, unhappy moment, or felt cross with each other. 

NOT SO!

It was not all smooth sailing after we started dating. We had to endure two heartrending breakups before we were convinced that we wanted our relationship to last for the rest of our lives and FOREVER beyond that.

In addition, we have faced our share of marital challenges after tying the knot. Lina and I are human just like everybody else. Sometimes we hurt each other's feelings. Sometimes we feel irritated with each other. Sometimes we disagree. Sometimes we even argue and feel cross with one another. Every moment of our marriage has not been blissfully free of trial, error, disappointment, frustration, and pain.

Nobodies is.  

With Lina at Delray Beach after a couples'
speaking engagement in July 2021.

In fact, we have even been to marriage counseling a few times over the years, and every time we've gone our relationship has gotten better as a result. 

Nevertheless, in the aggregate, I honestly cannot imagine a better life-partner and companion for me than Lina. Truly, she is the gal for me—a woman even better than the woman of my dreams! And in this imperfect world so often filled with sadness, separation, and wo, there is no doubt that I am sitting in the Catbird Seat because I get to be Lina's husband. 

Thank you, Lina, for 13 wonderful years. And thank you, God, for helping me find her and somehow, someway, win her heart over time.  

So to my precious darling and wonderful wife, Lina, I say: Here's to at least 50 more years together in this world (God-willing), and forever and ever in whatever worlds will come after that!

Of all of the blessings I've ever been given,

The greatest of all and the nearest to heav'n

Is found in the heart, mind, and soul of my wife—

The key human source of all good in my life! 

All my Love,

-JJ

August 18, 2021

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 225th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013. 

Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 224 FF Blog Articles.  

.........................

Tune in NEXT Wednesday for another article on a Self-Action Leadership related topic.  

And if you liked this blog post, please share it with your family, friends, colleagues, and students—and encourage them to sign up to receive future articles for FREE every Wednesday.

To sign up, please email freedomfocused@gmail.com and say SUBSCRIBE, or just YES, and we will ensure you receive a link to each new blog article every Wednesday.  

Click HERE to learn more about Freedom Focused

Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Jordan Jensen

Click HERE to buy the SAL Textbooks

Notes:

* This elegant and romantic quatrain is from one of my favorite poems, entitled: Maud Muller, by John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892).

** This couplet is found in Emerson's poem, The Rhodora.

***  Phrase from Shakespeare's Hamlet (Polonius's Advice to Laertes). 

**** Phrase from Edgar Allan Poe's famous Poem, Annabelle Lee

***** This post was inspired by a similar tribute that Country Music Legend, Garth Brooks, made to his wife, Trisha Yearwood, on the Garth XM Radio Channel (55). 

******  Excerpts from Wordsworth's poem, She Was a Phantom of Delight