Broken Icee Machines & Other Preventable Grievances

I've always had a love affair
with Frozen Drinks

I love Icees. 

          For reelz, folks.

With all my heart, I... really... love... Icees—and slurpees and slushies and shaved ice and candy and soda pop and... well, a lot of things that can be found lining the walls and shelves of your local convenience store.

Throughout my travels to all 50 U.S. States over the years, my love of convenience stores has of course accompanied me. Consequently, I have become a fairly knowledgeable and credible Convenient Store Connoisseur, at least in the United States.

Laugh if you must, but I am not joking. I'm a pretty good authority on the best places around the country to quickly and easily satiate those persistent sugar cravings.

To wit: Buc-ees of Texas, Alabama, Georgia, and Florida is by far the best. Indeed, without any question or debate, Buc-ees is the perennial GOLD MEDALIST at the Convenience Store Olympics—held about every other day in the arena of my mouth. And the good news is that they are in the process of expanding into Mississippi, Kentucky, Tennessee, and South Carolina.

God Bless the South!  

          Click HERE to learn more about Dr. JJ's lifelong love affair with the Southern States.   

While less grandiose and expansive than Buc-ees, QuikTrip crosses the finish line in a strong second place finish (more on QuikTrip later in this article). RaceTrac brings home the bronze, and Maverick and 7-11 merit honorable mentions. Everyone else is just an "also ran" albeit with some glowing individual exceptions here-and-there. As for the bottom of the pack, I'll just leave it at: "If I can't say something nice, I won't say anything at all!"   

A new Buc-ees near Daytona Beach, Florida. Notice the
halo of sunlight just above the beaver's head?
Coincidence? Uh, I don't think so!

Having moved away from Texas, I sadly am unable to darken Buc-ees' doorways as often as I used to. My wonderful wife—the CFO of our family—feels otherwise, which is due mainly to her puzzling preference for reviewing monthly credit card statements bereft of a big bill from Beavertown. 

This glaring loss to my sugar life was recently mollified to some degree upon my visit to a brand new Buc-ees in Florida, which recently opened along I-95 just outside of Daytona Beach. It is only the second Buc-ees to grace the Sunshine State, and more are on their way. 

Glory, glory, hallelujah!

QuikTrips have not yet come to Florida, but RaceTrac and 7-11 are fairly common here. And it won't surprise you to learn that I'm not above driving out of my way to visit a specific location in search of a delicious Icee or Slurpee with perfect sweetness, frozenness, texture, and consistency. Indeed, you might say I'm also something of a frozen drink connoisseur. And on those rare occasions when I find one that is "Just Right," I feel as though I've stumbled across a veritable gas station goldmine—and continue to "whistle while I work" my way back to said mine over-and-over-and-over again.

Indeed, it can be devilishly difficult to find a frozen beverage confection that is "Just Right," especially at anywhere other than Buc-ees—which is uncannily consistent at everything they do, wherever they exist. That is one of the reasons Buc-ees is, hands-down, the consistent gold medalist at the convenient store olympics.  

But why is this?

Why can't everybody else get it as right (and as often) as Buc-ees does? 

For example, why do I keep visiting my local RaceTrac only to find that most of the eight Icee machines are either malfunctioning or not functioning at all?

How is that serving the customer?

Does the manager have any idea how much money she is losing from people like me because most of her Icee machines are down seemingly most of the time? Does he even care about how his staff's poor service is hurting his store's bottom line? Doesn't she know that "The Customer is Always Right" and I (the customer) say they are seriously screwing up their Icee sales potential. And for what?

Inattention?

     Apathy?

          Laziness?

               A personal vendetta against Icee lovers?

Whatever the reason[s], the bottom line is that some vendors simply care more about the customer (and their own bottom line) than others. Buc-ees, for example, has better LEADERSHIP and really cares about its customers. And that is precisely why they have about a bazillion customers visit their stores every day of the year.  

Broken things were not meant to stay broken.
They were meant to be FIXED!

At Freedom Focused, we are frustrated by broken Icee machines (literally and figuratively speaking)—and especially the ones that remain broken for days and weeks on end. I mean, we understand that things break. What we do not understand is why people will go for-(seemingly)-ever before they bother to buckle down and get things fixed up and properly running again. 

At Freedom Focused, our vision is to be the Buc-ees of professional education, character development, and self-help. Aside from our aim of being the very best and biggest in the industry, we (more importantly) genuinely CARE about our customers, clients, and students. As such, we never settle for mediocrity—or even above average. We never let things stay broken, and we are continually working to improve everything we do as leaders, trainers, producers, and customer-service experts.  

For me personally, a primary motivator for building Freedom Focused from the ground up has been the mediocrity and poor customer service I continually see all around me. While there are a variety of noticeable and noble exceptions to this trend—which always inspires me—it seems as though the prevailing cultural winds blowing through American Corporations and other organizations of all kinds are perpetually lacking in both the kind and degree of EXCELLENCE of which their agents are capable. It's not that they couldn't be stellar; it's that they choose—by virtue of their thoughts, speech, behaviors, habits, and cultures—to be less than their capabilities and potential. 

And it always begins with the small things—with the broken "Icee machines" that go unfixed. 

The ignominious Enrons and WorldComs of our society do not implode overnight. It always begins with small acts of apathy, laziness, duplicity, and vice. Then it multiplies and builds until one day: KaBoom!

And while most companies don't completely atrophy from the inside-out, many organizations do fail to reach their fullest potential—not because they can't, but because they simply don't know how, or don't care enough to try hard enough. For far too many people and organizations, "Good Enough" is, too often, well, good enough.  

At Freedom Focused, we think this is sad.

          We also think it is avoidable. 

No one individual or organization is perfect; nor will there ever be such an organization in this world. But that's okay because we are not asking for perfection. We are merely calling for excellence—consistent, persistent, dedicated, and even elite EXCELLENCE.

Is that too much to ask for?  

Unfortunately, for far too many organizations, it apparently is too much to ask. Indeed, I could go on for days about all the negative experiences I have had with companies that were performing far below their potential, but I think you get my drift. 

Since we can only control ourselves as self-action leaders, we at Freedom Focused aim to persistently and consistently direct that control where it belongs—on making our own selves, groups, teams, and organization the very best they can be. That means when things break, we fix them; when things need upgrading, we upgrade them; and when things need changing, we change them. And we always begin, continue, and end with an indefatigable quest after the most important kind of change in the world. What kind of change is that, you ask? 

The answer is: SELF-CHANGE. 

It also means we are prepared to release (aka FIRE) anyone who fails to live up to the stirringly high expectations set forth in our corporate Declaration of Independence and Constitution. After all, no one—including myself as the Founder and CEO—is above the law; and at Freedom Focused, our corporate DoI and Constitution are THE LAW.

Convenient Store Olympics Podium Winners
Gold Medal: Buc-ees of Texas.
Silver Medal: QuikTrip of Oklahoma.
Bronze Medal: RaceTrac of Georgia.

Like Buc-ees, one of the things that makes QuikTrip score so high in the convenient store olympics is the culture of EXCELLENCE it has established at every one of its 835 locations. 

Unlike most gas stations, QuikTrip sets the bar high for its employees. Just any old "Jane" or "Joe" cannot work at QuikTrip. You must have "outstanding social skills, presentable character and social adaptability, [a] positive attitude ... and [a] willingness to work hard."*

And if you've ever visited a QuikTrip, you learn that its employers mean what they say because QuikTrip employees are FANTASTIC—I'm talking heads and shoulders ahead of most of their peers at other convenient stores in terms of their attitude, conduct, decorum, intelligence, and performance. Such employees turn a simple visit to your neighborhood gas station into a pleasurable experience that is both remarkable and memorable.  

A math test and other certifications are also standard operating procedures during the hiring process at QuikTrip.* While it is harder to get a job at QT than at most other convenience stores, the benefits in pay and other compensations make it worth it. And having QuikTrip on your resume will outshine most other convenient store brands.  

Years ago, I had the opportunity to facilitate a training seminar at QuikTrip corporate headquarters in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was impressed with what I experienced and observed there. My time there, in concert with my countless visits to actual QuikTrip convenient stores throughout Georgia, Tennessee, Missouri, and Texas over the years, further instilled within my mind and heart a VISION for the kind of EXCELLENCE that Freedom Focused expects of its leaders, trainers, and other agent-employees.  

Human beings are admittedly imperfect. However, this reality should never lead us to cower beneath our inspiring—even sky-high—potential for EXCELLENCE and GROWTH. Despite how far we have come in the history of this world, we can still go so much faster and farther, do so much better, and become so much more. 

Freedom Focused will lead this effort throughout the first half of the twenty-first century—and beyond. To learn more about how we aim to accomplish this, visit our website at www.freedomfocused.com.

Over the weekend, my wife and I stayed a couple nights at a hotel on Miami Beach to celebrate our 13th Anniversary and my 42nd birthday. After visiting South Beach and the hotel pool on Saturday afternoon, I spent some time relaxing on our 9th floor balcony. As I peered out on the beautiful downtown Miami skyline, I reflected on the progress that has been made in our world since I was born in 1979. On many fronts, such progress has been impressive, revolutionary, and even quantum in nature.

Despite this fact, I would argue that we still have so much to accomplish and look forward to in the next 42 years. These uplifting and spectacular changes and developments will mirror the micro and macro character improvements and infusions of integrity that Freedom Focused will influence and lead throughout the United States and World in coming decades.

Think the world has changed in a LOT in the last 6,000 years?
Or even the last 40?
Just wait until the next 40!

On August 21, 2063—my 84th birthday—I'm looking forward to reflecting back once again on what we've accomplished together. When that distant, yet certain-to-come day arrives, I am confident we will all look back and be even more amazed looking back than we are now. As hard as that may be to imagine, that's my prediction—and I'm sticking to it!

As such, I invite you to buckle your seatbelt, hold on tight, and prepare yourself for the ride of your life because the next four decades are going to be an exciting, fulfilling, and growth-filled adventure the likes of which this world has never before seen in its approximately six-millennial span of recorded history. 

Get ready my colleagues and friends; the world is about to change in ways never before imagined. And YOU have the unprecedented opportunity to be a part of it.

Let's get moving!          

-Dr. JJ

August 25, 2021

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 226th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013. 

Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 225 FF Blog Articles.  

.........................

Tune in NEXT Wednesday for another article on a Self-Action Leadership related topic.  

And if you liked this blog post, please share it with your family, friends, colleagues, and students—and encourage them to sign up to receive future articles for FREE every Wednesday.

To sign up, please email freedomfocused@gmail.com and say SUBSCRIBE, or just YES, and we will ensure you receive a link to each new blog article every Wednesday.  

Click HERE to learn more about Freedom Focused

Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Jordan Jensen

Click HERE to buy the SAL Textbooks

Notes:

* See https://www.job-applications.com/quik-trip-job-application/

To the Love of my Life: A Husband's Tribute to His Wife

"A form more fair, a face more sweet,

Ne'er has it been my lot to meet

And her modest answer and graceful air

Show her good and wise as she is fair."*

I love ROMANCE.

     Always have.

          Always will.

"Tell them, dear, that if eyes were meant for seeing, Then beauty is its own excuse for being."**

— Ralph Waldo Emerson  

To me, few things can compete with, much less eclipse, the majesty, glory, and joy accessible within the magical experiences of authentic ROMANCE. At a very early age, it became evident to me that the greatest things I could possibly aspire to in life were love, marriage, and family.

Have you ever properly been in LOVE?

Is there anything better in life than being authentically in Love?

Years ago, a famous television personality hosted a program on a major news network in the United States. A memorable schtick of this particular host involved posing this unique question to celebrities and other high profile guests on his show. On some occasions, he would slightly change his query, as follows: "How many times have you properly been in love?" 

Ever since tuning into his show, both of these questions have intrigued me. So I naturally posed them to myself, from myself. 

For me, the answer to the first question is easy: "YES, I have properly been in love." 

The answer to the second question is: "ONCE"—albeit with a fairly detailed footnote attached.

Why the footnote? And what does said footnote entail?  

     I had a feeling you'd ask me that question!

Since I was just a boy—from kindergarten and first grade on-up—I have always had a crush on some girl (and later on some woman). It's hard to remember a time in my past when I wasn't in love (or at very least deeply infatuated with) some girl or woman.

For example, at the beginning of my 4th grade year, I was all agog with a girl in my new class.

Her name was Tara.

To this day, I can still distinctly recall the brief moment Tara's and my eyes met and locked on to each other diagonally across the table one day at lunchtime. This dreamy eye-locking only lasted for about three seconds (which is quite a while, if you really think about it), after which we both reflexively looked away. Nevertheless, I remember the moment with great clarity—as if it had happened just yesterday—and it ranks among the most magical moments of my young life.

Within days of that moment, however, I was transferred to a 4th/5th grade combination class because there were too many students in the fourth- and fifth-grade classes at my school that year. I was devastated to be taken out of Tara's class, so much so that I recall crying in my bed one night before the official classroom switch was set to take place.

Pathetic?  

     Perhaps. 

Nevertheless, the pathos of that experience—and so many others like it—was REAL, and cut deep into the furrows and sinews of my young mind, heart, and soul.  

It did not matter too much, however, that I was taken out of Tara's class because I merely formed a new crush (of course). This time it was Lindsay—an older woman (5th grader)—in my new combination class. This relatively quick switch from Tara to Lindsay suggests that I must not have been properly in love with Tara, or Lindsay, for that matter. Such seeming amores must have been more akin to juvenile infatuations.  

Some of my infatuations were more intense than others, and some lasted for far longer than others, but they almost always existed for me. This was, no doubt, a part of my natural make-up. It was also influenced by romances I observed all around me, including the real-life connubial connections of my parents (My mom and dad were both hopeless romantics) and older siblings and cousins as well as the more idealistic versions I was exposed to in print and the cinema.

The latter variety had perhaps the deepest impact on me, and I'll never forget the pleasure of reading about Jefferson Davis Bussey (a Union spy) and his pure and innocent—albeit forbidden—romance with Lucy Washbourne (a sweet, lovely, gorgeous Southern Belle he met behind enemy lines) in Harold Keith's Newbery Award winning juvenile historical fiction novel, Rifles for Watie. Moreover, many a movie inspired additional romantic notions within my mind, heart, and spirit, thus leading me to waltz out of a movie theatre "walking on air"  for the passion and inspiration I derived from a motion picture. 

The Ladies, bless their hearts, managed
to do a number on mine over the years!

Throughout my entire childhood, adolescence, and young adult years, I was always "falling in love"—or so I thought. I also dated a lot. From age 16-19, I went on 40 different dates (mostly group dates) with 33 different girls. And YES... as an avid journaler, I kept detailed track of my experiences, so any stats I provide on the subject are trustworthy. 

I did not date at all between ages 19-21 because I was serving a full-time mission for my church. But after returning from my 2-year mission to Canada, I started dating even more prolifically in anticipation of eventually marrying.   

In all, I went on 218 dates with 100 different women before meeting Lina.

          That's right... I had to date 100 other gals before I was worthy of and prepared to date Lina, and she just happened to be the magical number #101!

Some gals I only went out with once; others I went out with twice, thrice, or even several more times. But come what may, I could never get any of these relationships to last. This fact was devastating—even heartbreaking—on dozens of occasions because in my mind, I really did "fall in love" with a score or more different gals. However, in hindsight I came to see over time that all of these experiences were more akin to powerful infatuations than authentic LOVE.

Despite all that experience over more than a decade, I managed to land only one "official" girlfriend; and she dumped me after one week of "official" dating.

Pathetic?

     Perhaps.

But all that failure-laden "despised love"*** proved to be an important part of my life's journey. Furthermore, it turned out to be entirely worth it because that pathway led me to where I had always sought to go, which was to make it to the end of the rainbow and find a pot of romantic gold.  

  

Eventually, I made it to the Rainbow's end, where I met and started to date Lina Tucker. For the first time in my life, I was not only properly in love, but I finally understood what it actually meant to "Properly be in Love." After all the failure and disillusionment, my success with Lina proved to be a truly magical experience that continues on and is even richer TODAY.  

I truth, I never spent enough quality time with any other girl or woman to have properly been in love. And while time expenditure alone is not a recipe for TRUE LOVE, it is unquestionably an indispensable ingredient.  

Now I know the difference between mere infatuation and real, deep, committed LOVE—and it wasn't just a matter of pulling a rabbit out of my hat by somehow persuading Lina to be my "official" girlfriend for more than a week—although that was undoubtedly a good start! 

It was really more about the time investment and personal commitment.  

Lina Marie Jensen
"My Darling, My Darling, My Wife and My Bride"****
From her Bridal Pics Collection, August 2008

Today's post***** is a tribute to my wife—my best friend, closest companion and confidante, the unrivaled apple of my eye, and the absolute LOVE of my LIFE.

Lina Marie (née Tucker) and I were married on August 8, 2008. It's an easy date to remember because it's 08/08/08, or just 8/8/8.

Our 13th wedding anniversary passed by a couple of Sundays ago.

This year's anniversary is extra special to me personally because I have a thing with the number 13—it's my lucky number (long story). This number also has a lot of importance to Freedom Focused as an organization (again, long story). Lastly, it is the first anniversary we will spend in our new home state—the Wondrous and Great Sunshine State of FLORIDA.

Due to scheduling issues, we will not be officially celebrating our anniversary until this weekend, which coincides nicely with my 42nd birthday on August 21st. Nothing like a dual reason to throw a party, especially where romance is involved! Thanks to my wonderfully kind and generous in-laws, who are taking our kids for the weekend so we can celebrate, Lina and I are looking forward to a magical two-night romantic getaway in Miami. 

With my girlfriend, Lina, on our first
trip to South Beach in March 2007

I sometimes refer to Atlanta, Georgia as the city where "Dreams Come True" because that is where I had the privilege and pleasure of meeting and dating Lina. If Atlanta is the city where dreams come true, then Miami is the "City of our Dreams." As such, we are most fortunate to get to make our home just an hour or so north of this subtropical jewel of the Deep South.

Lovely in every possible way, Lina is the most wonderful person in the world in my eyes.

          I absolutely adore her. 

There are endless things about her that I admire. She is incredibly beautiful (inside and out). She is wicked smart. She is fun to be around and has the most joyful and infectious laughs of anyone I've ever met. I recall a time back during our courtship when I was sitting next to Lina and a couple of other friends while riding in the back seat of a car. As we rode along, she was absolutely shaking with laughter. The reason I'll never forget the moment was because the metaphysical mirth and jubilant joy that emanated from her being at that otherwise commonplace moment was a key indicator that this was the kind of person with whom I wanted to spend the rest of eternity.

In short, Lina has a golden mind, a platinum personality, and a heart of diamonds.

I love her voice.

     I love her laugh.

           I love her smile and scent.

                I love her character, integrity, virtue, and endless goodness.  

Indeed, my admiration of and respect for her knows no bounds.

Lina is not perfect; no one is. But she is about as close to perfection as one could possibly hope for in a spouse. Moreover, she is the consummate self-action leader. I may have written THE BOOKS on the subject, but she is actually a better example of SAL than I am in many (if not most) ways.

Lina jumping for joy on South Beach in 2007

Her eyes as stars of twilight fair;

Like twilight's, too, her dusky hair; ...

I saw her upon nearer view,

A spirit, yet a woman too! ...

A countenance in which did meet

Sweet records, promises as sweet; ...

A being breathing thoughtful breath,

A traveler between life and death;

The reason firm, the temperate will,

Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;

A perfect woman, nobly planned

To warn, to comfort, and command;

And yet a spirit still, and bright

With something of angelic light.******

Lina has a positive attitude. She loves other people and cares deeply about their needs, feelings, and welfare. Despite being a full-time career professional who travels regularly, she is a remarkably conscientious, caring, and devoted wife and mother. She is one of the most mature and selfless people I have ever met. She has made my dreams come true in so many ways, and our family has been endlessly blessed by her love, work, and endless dedication to us.  

Kissing on a camping trip in early 2008

She is, quite simply, better than the woman of my dreams.

The reason I describe her this way is because I, like many other single men, had certain ideas in my eyes, head, and heart about what kind of woman I wanted to someday marry. And it may surprise you to learn that Lina was not exactly what I had envisioned when I pictured my future wife. 

She... is... BETTER than what I had envisioned!

In other words, God took my own ideas for an ideal spouse into His compassionate and almighty Hands and said to me: "That's a good and interesting start, Jordan, but how about I do you a whole lot better? 

Here... meet Lina!"  

There she was... waiting for me
underneath a South Florida Palm Tree!

I would say I am the luckiest man in the world, but a lot more than mere LUCK went into finding, meeting, dating, and marrying Lina. It took time, effort, FAITH, focus, determination, persistence, consistence, vision, and a healthy dose of old-fashioned risk-taking.

Indeed, my journey to Lina was anything but fast or easy. Fraught with seemingly endless disappointment, heartache, rejection, and failure that at times bordered on despair, finally meeting up with Lina was like finally finding that elusive oasis in the Sahara desert after traveling for several thousand miles through that sweltering North African landscape of endless sand and sunburn.

But it was all worth it because Lina was waiting for me underneath the Palm Tree of that heavenly oasis. When the Country Music group, Rascal Flatts, sings: "God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you," they must have been singing about me. 

Lina and I met in Atlanta (technically Duluth) Georgia in September 2006. While it wasn't exactly love at first sight for either of us, it is fair to say that it was love at "Second Sight"—at least for me—and within a week, I was hooked! She understandably didn't fall for me quite as quickly, but thankfully grew to love me over time.

Our Wedding Day in Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
August 8, 2008  ~  8/8/08

The more I got to know her, the more in love I fell, and the more determined I grew to do whatever it might take—for however long it might take—to win her heart for good. It took six months after we met before she agreed to date me exclusively. And it took an entire year after that before she agreed to marry me. I was ready to get engaged after three months of dating. It took her nine additional months; but it was worth the wait! Never in my life has there been a more important or well-spent 18 months.

In light of everything I've said about Lina up to this point, perhaps you are assuming that we've never had an argument, unhappy moment, or felt cross with each other. 

NOT SO!

It was not all smooth sailing after we started dating. We had to endure two heartrending breakups before we were convinced that we wanted our relationship to last for the rest of our lives and FOREVER beyond that.

In addition, we have faced our share of marital challenges after tying the knot. Lina and I are human just like everybody else. Sometimes we hurt each other's feelings. Sometimes we feel irritated with each other. Sometimes we disagree. Sometimes we even argue and feel cross with one another. Every moment of our marriage has not been blissfully free of trial, error, disappointment, frustration, and pain.

Nobodies is.  

With Lina at Delray Beach after a couples'
speaking engagement in July 2021.

In fact, we have even been to marriage counseling a few times over the years, and every time we've gone our relationship has gotten better as a result. 

Nevertheless, in the aggregate, I honestly cannot imagine a better life-partner and companion for me than Lina. Truly, she is the gal for me—a woman even better than the woman of my dreams! And in this imperfect world so often filled with sadness, separation, and wo, there is no doubt that I am sitting in the Catbird Seat because I get to be Lina's husband. 

Thank you, Lina, for 13 wonderful years. And thank you, God, for helping me find her and somehow, someway, win her heart over time.  

So to my precious darling and wonderful wife, Lina, I say: Here's to at least 50 more years together in this world (God-willing), and forever and ever in whatever worlds will come after that!

Of all of the blessings I've ever been given,

The greatest of all and the nearest to heav'n

Is found in the heart, mind, and soul of my wife—

The key human source of all good in my life! 

All my Love,

-JJ

August 18, 2021

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 225th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013. 

Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 224 FF Blog Articles.  

.........................

Tune in NEXT Wednesday for another article on a Self-Action Leadership related topic.  

And if you liked this blog post, please share it with your family, friends, colleagues, and students—and encourage them to sign up to receive future articles for FREE every Wednesday.

To sign up, please email freedomfocused@gmail.com and say SUBSCRIBE, or just YES, and we will ensure you receive a link to each new blog article every Wednesday.  

Click HERE to learn more about Freedom Focused

Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Jordan Jensen

Click HERE to buy the SAL Textbooks

Notes:

* This elegant and romantic quatrain is from one of my favorite poems, entitled: Maud Muller, by John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892).

** This couplet is found in Emerson's poem, The Rhodora.

***  Phrase from Shakespeare's Hamlet (Polonius's Advice to Laertes). 

**** Phrase from Edgar Allan Poe's famous Poem, Annabelle Lee

***** This post was inspired by a similar tribute that Country Music Legend, Garth Brooks, made to his wife, Trisha Yearwood, on the Garth XM Radio Channel (55). 

******  Excerpts from Wordsworth's poem, She Was a Phantom of Delight

Fighting and Surrendering vs. YIELDING

Nearly everywhere you look in our
contemporary world, people are FIGHTING

Our contemporary world is filled with fighting—both verbally and physically.

It is really SAD!

Sadder still, the existence of Social Media has made things much worse in recent years and decades, thus leading us into an awful cycle of collective vitriol and violence that seems to get worse with each passing day.

Fighting feeds on itself, thereby engendering more and more fighting while weakening all parties engaged in its self-destructive patterns. It is an endless negative cycle that will not—nay, cannot—be broken by merely more fighting. Yet, ironically, it is the "more fighting" route that seemingly everyone chooses to take amidst an ever-enlarging morass made up of myriad conflicts around the globe.

If we are ever going to make significant headway into solving the significant challenges of our time, we need less fighting and more focused, strategic, and wise yielding.

What exactly do I mean by "YIELDING?"

GOOD QUESTION!

First of all, I must emphasize what I do not mean when I employ the term "YIELD." In encouraging my readers to yield, I DO NOT mean to imply surrender. 

There are always those who, wishing to eschew fighting, simply give up—or give in—in the face of pressure, stress, or worse—deceit, intentional unfairness, or tyranny. Surrender is the opposite extreme of fighting, and in the long-run, can be just as dangerous and foolhardy as fighting.

With this said, it is important to note that there are usually exceptions to every rule in the realms of moral behavior. As such, there are times when it is both good and right to fight. For example: it made both moral and practical sense for the Allies to wage war against the evil and tyrannical aims of Adolf Hitler and his axis comrades in World War 2.

There are also times when it is both good and right to surrender. For example, if someone has a gun pointed to your head and demands your wallet, it is almost certainly wiser to give him or her your wallet than to risk an avoidable catastrophe.  

Aristotle's Golden Mean Inspires us to seek
Balance in our Lives and Careers

Nevertheless, most of the time, fighting and surrendering represent extremes that can and should be avoided. In the face of these two extremes (fighting and surrendering), YIELDING is meant to serve as a productive, balanced alternative—emblematic of Aristotle's "Golden Mean." 

Click HERE to learn more about Aristotle's GOLDEN MEAN.

One of the most interesting quotes I ever came across was spoken by the esteemed author, Dale Carnegie, who famously wrote the best-selling book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.   

Said Carnegie:

"When you fight, you can never get enough; but when you yield, you get more than expected."

— Dale Carnegie

I think that is one of the wisest things that has ever been spoken.  

Do you ever find yourself arguing or fighting (virtually or in-person) about politics, religion, culture, science, history, or some other controversial topic? If so, have you ever gotten enough? Or do you believe that you will, at some point in the future, get enough... you know, after you have fought over it long enough? And in the midst of these back-and-forths, how many times has your adversary exclaimed in humble and sincere gratitude: "Oh, thank you for showing me where I was wrong; I completely agree with you now; now we can be best friends forever!"

Self-Action Leaders are good at laughing...
Especially at themselves!

If you are laughing right now, that is a good thing.  

I'm chuckling myself because I've done my share of verbal bickering with friends, associates, and others over the years.

And you know where it has gotten me?

          Usually nowhere.

Consequently, I've learned—bit-by-bit by degrees over long periods of time—that yielding is usually much more satisfying, endearing, and productive than fighting or surrendering could ever hope to be.

In other words—or, more accurately, in Dale Carnegie's words—When you fight, you can never get enough; but when you yield, you get more than expected."  

Why is this?

     How can yielding yield better results than fighting or surrendering?

Another GOOD QUESTION!

The rest of this article aims to answer this question.      

There are times in life when it is important to be right.
But most of the time, it is better to be easy to live/work with.

I once heard a wise man give a speech. In his remarks, he said something that has since been burned into my soul. His advice: "There are times in life when it is important to be right. But most of the time, it is better to be easy to live with."

"There are times in life when it is important to be right. But most of the time, it is better to be easy to live with."

— Christoffel Golden 

If you are laughing again, then that is, once again, a good thing!

Obviously there are isolated occasions when "being right" really is a matter of life or death—or some other point of unusual importance. But I've discovered that about 99.9% of the time, that is not the case. Consequently, we human beings have the tendency to get unduly worked up about all sorts of issues that are either not as important as we think they are, or are matters over which we have virtually zero influence or control. Yet, despite these factual realities, we will continue to fight with others over said issues as if our lives really did depend on it—and usually to the detriment of a myriad of relationships. We humans are funny that way—and in so many other ways! In the words of the famed comedian, Brian Regan, "Human Beings, man!"

"Human beings, man!"

— Brian Regan 

What is your natural proclivity?
Surrender, Fight, or YIELD?

Whether in a marriage or fraternal relationship, a friendship, or a professional working arrangement, you really are more likely to win friends and influence people by being easy to work with than you are by being persistently belligerent or bellicose over issues of relative unimportance. This includes that overladen minefield of matters over which, however inherently important, you and those with whom you are bickering have little (if any) authority to directly impact.

This has been a hard—but oh, so, important—lesson for me to learn (and I am still learning it!).

Why has it been so hard for me to learn?

I suppose the difficulty for me comes from my natural outspokenness. In addition, I really do CARE—a lot... about a lot of different issues. Consequently, I tend to have strong feelings and opinions about a myriad of matters.

It is good to feel strongly about people and things, but passion can quickly go awry if we are not cautious and disciplined in our thoughts, speech, and actions. I know this is true because my own unbridled passion has gotten me entangled in a variety of avoidable predicaments and problems over the years.

Fortunately, I've come a long ways—long enough to be able to write this article with what I hope will be an air of authenticity, experience, credibility, and value to others who may similarly struggle—which I suppose is all of us to one extent or another.   

Many human beings fall into the categories of extremes when it comes to this issue. In other words, many are prone to fight or surrender in situations where they are challenged by others. The fighters are usually high-spirited and unhappy people. And the "white-flag" surrender-prone are usually listless personalities who struggle with low self-esteem. It is the relatively rare (probably 20% or less) who either dispositionally intuit—or, more commonly, discover through diligent education and experience—the magical balance of YIELDING.

So how exactly does one YIELD when confronted? And how does it differ from fighting and surrendering? 

Or refrain from the argument entirely!

Yielding involves much more effort than surrendering and higher levels of maturity, communication skills, and logic than fighting. To yield to someone does not mean you give up—or give-in—to it or them. Nor does it involve acquiescing to or accepting another's viewpoints.

When you yield to someone, you give them complete freedom to speak their mind with impunity. You actively listen, which involves restating points and probing further with follow-up questions as necessary (or as desired).

Next, you resist the urge to become angry—no matter how angry you might feel inside. That skill is what Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is all about, and as most wise persons will tell you, EQ is usually even more important and valuable in the real world than IQ.

With your emotions in check, you then state your own frame of reference with confidence and, insofar as possible, supporting data. Lastly, you do not try to change the other person; you simply grant them complete freedom to make up their own mind based on the conversation. Sometimes you might influence a positive change in others. Many (and perhaps most) times, you will not. But either way, it is okay because you cannot change other people—nor would a self-action leader ever want to try. You can only influence other people to CHANGE themselves.

There is a great deal of power inherent in our ability and opportunity to influence outcomes. As such, authentic self-action leaders should seek continually to positively influence others by virtue of wise, balanced, and mature YIELDING strategies; but control is simply out of the question. Even if you could control another person (as in the case of brute force [e.g. a loaded gun]), anyone with any sense knows that that approach only brings about short-term results; it never changes hearts or minds in the long-run—not to mention the utter immorality involved in denying another person's one's freedom to choose (agency).   

SAL is about Invitation and Influence,
not coercion and control

It is true that self-action leaders are interested in changing minds and hearts in the direction of the SAL Philosophy of living. But we have zero interest in coercion. Kind communication and persuasive pedagogy?

YES!

But never should anyone for any reason seek to force the human mind against its independent and completely volitional will.

While the word "YIELDING" may initially connote weakness or submission, it is, in fact, neither. It is merely a kind, considerate, and ultimately courageous form of communication that builds bridges to other people, rather than wreaking a wide swath of relational divisiveness and destruction along your ongoing path through life.

So what exactly does Yielding look like in a real conversation?

To answer that question, consider the following scenario:

Imagine someone states or asserts "X" and you disagree, preferring the "Y" or "Z" option in the matter. Yielding would involve affirming their own belief and then respectfully stating that you see it differently, how/why you see it differently, and providing relevant information to back up your position. Then, if the other person tries to escalate the conversation into "fight mode" you might respectfully state that you "aren't going there"—and perhaps adding that you respect their right to view it as they choose, and that you reserve that same right for yourself. In some situations, you might choose to continue the debate with a determination to maintain your cool. However, if the other person persists in further escalation towards fight mode, then JUST... WALK... AWAY. 

Fighting = Greater DIVISION
Yielding = Greater UNITY

In other instances, another alternative is to either not say anything at all—with accurate foreknowledge of the consequences—or else provide a blanket disclaimer, such as: "For personal, professional, or positional reasons, I simply don't (or can't) discuss my politics (etc.)."

As you might expect, I am NOT the surrendering type, so my constant challenge is to try and YIELD instead of fighting. I have found in numerous instances throughout my life that I do, in fact, GAIN more from YIELDING than I ever could by fighting or surrendering. When I succeed in yielding, I find that while I miss the opportunity to "scratch the itch" that comes from a good fight, the only way to eliminate that pesky itch is to choose to consistently YIELD instead of fighting.

I have discovered that with practice, this negative itch eventually dissipates over time. Better yet, my relationships with other people are immensely improved compared to how they would have been had I persisted in fighting.

Are you more prone to fighting or surrendering?

What might you do beginning TODAY to begin a new life full of relationships guided by wise, respectful, and strategic YIELDING?            

-Dr. JJ

August 11, 2021

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 224th Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013. 

Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 223 FF Blog Articles.  

.........................

Tune in NEXT Wednesday for another article on a Self-Action Leadership related topic.  

And if you liked this blog post, please share it with your family, friends, colleagues, and students—and encourage them to sign up to receive future articles for FREE every Wednesday.

To sign up, please email freedomfocused@gmail.com and say SUBSCRIBE, or just YES, and we will ensure you receive a link to each new blog article every Wednesday.  

Click HERE to learn more about Freedom Focused

Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Jordan Jensen

Click HERE to buy the SAL Textbooks

Ideas for Practicing Patience

It takes PATIENCE to put together the complicated
puzzle pieces of our life, relationships, and careers.

Last week, I published a post about balancing proactivity with PATIENCE. The purpose of that post was to inspire greater patience in readers.

Click HERE to review last week's ARTICLE.

In today's post, I share some basic ideas about how you can specifically practice patience in your life, relationships, and career.

Practically speaking, this post is more important and valuable than last week's theoretical piece. This is because theory, philosophy, and principles are useless without the exercises, tasks, and practices that accompany them and animate them in real life.

There are few things more unattractive than a supposedly wise sage who, while lounging in one's Lazy Boy sipping something cool and refreshing,* hypocritically pontificates about what everyone else ought be doing while he or she lazily does whatever the #$@! one pleases.

No one likes a two-faced, lying, HYPOCRITE.

Don't be that guy or gal! 

If you are going to bloviate on the whats and hows of human morality and behavior, you darn well better be putting forth a good-faith effort to "practice what you preach" all along the way.

That is my quest; it is also my burden.  

It is a burden because I know (all too well) that I do so imperfectly, and I'll always be up-front and transparent about this fact.

No one is perfect; I'm certainly not. However, I don't believe I have the right, much less the moral authority, to speak about any topic of "Human Betterness" unless I am genuinely striving to become better myself. As such, I pledge to my readers (and hearers of any form) that I am always striving to practice what I preach. Come what may, I assure you that I am always trying my (admittedly imperfect) best.

Of all the virtues that human beings may aspire towards, PATIENCE is one of the most important. It also may well be the one I was most bereft of when born into this world. It seems as though life itself has been very much aware of this fact because it has provided me with seemingly endless opportunities for practice. As such, I know a thing or two about how to practice and develop patience. The purpose of today's article is to share three (3) examples with YOU.

THREE (3) Tips for Practicing Patience.

EXAMPLE 1.  Handling Interruptions

As a stay-at-home dad/professional writer with three kids under the age of nine, I would be very wealthy if I had a dollar for every time I was interrupted while attempting to attend to my part-time professional work—or anything else for that matter!

Case in point: while composing this article, my two elementary school-aged kids were in the other room organizing their classroom supplies for the upcoming school year. I was proud of my delegating skills, which motivated them to excitedly work independently on the project so I could steal away into my office to compose this article. Nevertheless, a dozen or more times during the course of composition, my kids predictably interrupted me to ask questions about their supply lists or make other requests/demands. 

When you are deeply engaged in something important to you, interruptions can be very irritating. So much so, in fact, that the moment they occur, your heart is apt to immediately harden toward both the interruption and the person doing the interrupting. When your heart hardens toward someone or something, you are prone to "react" (i.e. yell, holler, berate, condemn, argue with, etc.) rather than maturely "respond" in a cool, kind, and collected manner. 

Self-Action Leaders STOP, WAIT,
and THINK before they respond.

I always feel bad when I immaturely "react" to a situation rather than maturely "respond." Yet it is still so easy to do! To avoid reacting in favor of responding, I have learned to CONSCIOUSLY CATCH myself whenever I feel my heart begin to harden due to an interruption—or anything else for that matter. Once I have consciously caught myself, I sub-vocally repeat to myself words such as: "STOP," "WAIT," "HOLD ON," or "PAUSE."

There is great power in that split second pause, which can then be transformed into a moment of decision—transmuted into power—that I can then harness to CHOOSE TO respond kindly, lovingly, attentively, and maturely rather than impulsively and ruefully react in childish and unkind ways. By so doing, I can not only productively address the issue at hand and positively cultivate the relationship, but also avoid having to apologize—and the drama that inevitably follows less effective/unkind/rude/wrong speech or behavior. 

I'm not going to lie... this is hard to do! But if you will PRACTICE it, it will get easier—and become more natural, reflexive, and habitual—over time. I know this because it has worked for me! I'm still a long way from perfection in this effort, but I've come a long ways through practice.   

There is ALWAYS something productive you can accomplish
whenever you have to wait for/on something. 

EXAMPLE 2.  Learning to Productively Wait... and to Endure

In life, we all have to spend our share of time waiting around for something or someone. Sometimes our waits might involve a few seconds, minutes, hours, or days; and sometimes our waits can extend into weeks, months, years, or even decades. 

Regardless what you are waiting on/for, there is no limit to the creative ideas for productively filling up "The Waiting Place"**—which, whether we like it or not, is a place that all of us will frequent a lot!***

Some of my favorite things to do when I have to wait in line or wait on an airline is to catch up on news, answer texts and emails, write in my journals, and recite poetry.

Another area of patience that many of us struggle with is patiently enduring a given task until it is entirely and effectively completed. Whether it is a simple domestic task or a gargantuan academic or professional project, effectively enduring until something has been done right can be a challenge for many.    

Restroom Hand Dryers = An Opportunity to Practice Patience

The idea I present here for aiding us in this effort might sound silly, but has worked for me. It involves the use of electric hand dryers in public restrooms/washrooms—strange as that might sound.    

If you watch closely, most people who use public restrooms wash their hands after they use a toilet (thank goodness). However, most people DO NOT fully dry their hands after washing them.

Why is that? 

I think there are two primary reasons. First, because they don't want to make others wait for them (if someone else is waiting in line). And second, because they are simply too impatient to complete the job. Knowing that their hands will eventually "drip dry" no matter how wet they are upon exiting the bathroom, many just conclude that it "jist ain't worth the wait" to fully complete the task!

I have discovered, however, that allowing my hands to dry fully underneath those electric hand dryers is a good way to practice patience. Being human, I have the same urge to "bolt" out of the restroom as soon as I can—and for a variety of reasons. Nevertheless, just for fun, and just for practice, I will sometimes force myself to push the button two or three times and patiently wait for my hands to be completely dry before I leave—for no other reason than comfort (the hot, dry air is pretty pleasant if you'll take the time to stop and notice) and the realization that I have just taken advantage of a golden opportunity to PRACTICE PATIENCE, which I can then apply to other, more important life situations and circumstances.  

I recognize the issue of hand-drying is virtually meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Moreover, the extent to which someone dries their hands in a public (or private) restroom does not have any bearing on anything of significant import with regards to health and hygiene (as far as I know). The value of the example is simply found in identifying a unique opportunity to practice PATIENCE; and that's the whole point of the example—finding an opportunity to develop something important from an otherwise meaningless life practice that everyone finds themselves doing on nearly a daily basis.  

This example could, of course, easily be extended to a variety of other relatively mindless activities we participate in on a daily basis—as well as any number of serious moments of WAITING of which we have been called upon to endure. Thus, a mindless activity can become an impressively mindful activity in the most meaningful of ways. After all, what could be more meaningful than further developing a personal VIRTUE, such as patience?  

EXAMPLE 3. Productively Dealing with Delays

The key to productively dealing with delays is to creatively construct action-oriented projects that are highly relevant to whatever it is you are waiting on (in the case of long-term goals), or that are otherwise productive.  

To illustrate: somewhere in between the year 2001 and 2003, I came to the conclusion—with an unusual degree of crystalline clarity—that my professional goal in life was to essentially become a Next-Gen Dr. Stephen R. Covey. That was (and still is) a good goal. However, such a goal is also an extremely ambitious and long-term oriented goal. At the time I set the goal, I was in my early 20s. Forty-seven (47) years my senior, Dr. Covey was in his late 60s at the time, and passed away in 2012.  

That's a big difference! 

I am now in my early 40s and have still not completely achieved my goal. In fact, I've still got a long ways to go. But here's the thing: I've got nearly three more decades to accomplish it! Moreover, I have achieved a plethora of "baby-step" achievements, including the acquisition of some considerable publishing, speaking, and training credentials along the way. While I may not have fully accomplished my goal as quickly as I initially thought possible as a 20-something young man, I remain laser-focused on my long-term vision and mission and continue to make consistent progress all along the way. Come what may, I am continually doing something aimed at moving myself closer to achieving my ultimate objectives as a professional—and as a human being. Even in the absence of concrete opportunities, I am always taking action of some sort—even if those actions are no more than thoughts in my head. 

For example, I have now published over 200 blog articles just like the one you are reading right now. Since posting my first blog post eight years ago, I have had over 77,000 visitors to my blog site. That's a good start, but not nearly enough to achieve my ultimate goal of helping millions—like Dr. Covey.

But guess what?

I keep publishing articles, with a new one rolling off the virtual presses every week! If I remain committed to that one task alone for the next 20 years, my chances of accomplishing my long-term goal get a little better every single week that passes.  

When I first set out on this unique and specific mission and vision in my life, there were some who thought I was naïve, in over my head, or perhaps even foolish. And there were times when I was all three of those things! There are undoubtedly some who still view me that way.

But that's okay.

Why is it okay? Because I don't set goals based on what other people might think about me. I set goals based on what I think about myself, and on what I know I can offer to other people. And I don't let anyone or anything sway me away from my purposes once I am confident those purposes are right. 

How about you?

Do you presently lack the patience, persistence, or personal chutzpah necessary to pursue your authentic dreams, either personally or professionally? Have you allowed life's endless daily duties, routines, and drudgery cause you to lose sight of important personal or professional goals—dreams that lay deeply buried and dormant within your mind, heart, and spirit?   

Persistence + Patience = Victory

If so, what can you do TODAY to take a step away from worrying what other people think about you and towards becoming all you are capable of becoming, come what may?  

Honestly... what are you waiting for?

     The time for ACTION is NOW.

But remember... be prepared to be as PATIENT as you are PERSISTENT all along the way. If you are willing to master BOTH virtues, you cannot fail in the long-run!  

-Dr. JJ

August 4, 2021

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, USA

Author's Note: This is the 223rd Blog Post Published by Freedom Focused LLC since November 2013. 

Click HERE for a compete listing of the other 222 FF Blog Articles.  

.........................

Tune in NEXT Wednesday for another article on a Self-Action Leadership related topic.  

And if you liked this blog post, please share it with your family, friends, colleagues, and students—and encourage them to sign up to receive future articles for FREE every Wednesday.

To sign up, please email freedomfocused@gmail.com and say SUBSCRIBE, or just YES, and we will ensure you receive a link to each new blog article every Wednesday.  

Click HERE to learn more about Freedom Focused

Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Jordan Jensen

Click HERE to buy the SAL Textbooks

Notes:

* The phrase "a goblet of something cool and refreshing" comes from a favorite comedy routine ("Airplanes") of mine by the professional comedian, Brian Regan. 

** From Oh, The Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss. 

*** Paraphrased from Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places You'll Go! (i.e. "Whether you like it or not, alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.).